Seduction like a drug
Click to viewSome weird shit has been happening in my mind which has reflected in my body. I am allowing stress to really get to me and it has caused some health issues.
Last night I have a vivid rape and murder dream where I was the victim. It was surreal, like, film noir surreal in the beginning. All shadow and suggestion and then my dead body there, vividly mutilated. I know who it was. I watched him walk away after throwing some dirt over me, hardly concealing what he had done. My body was a shell and I was outside of it. This truly fucked with my head and I can't get away from that feeling of helplessness.
I have had some conversations with my demon lately and I wonder what it is she wants because I feel triggered and some of my shitty patterns seem to be repeating themselves. It's always unwise to think that this time will be different so I'm allowing myself to feel what I need to feel in order to not bring about chaos in my life again. What is it about me that needs a certain kind of bullshit? Why do I feel like I need this? It's the most addictive drug.