How do you work out the "division of labor" in your relationships? Who does what around the house/for the family? Especially if one or both work full time?
We've been doing this for a long time and we've settled into tasks that we are each comfortable doing, and good at doing. With my skills, I handle the bills, grocery shopping, most of the cooking, scheduling of all appointments (I tease Jack about being phone-phobic - lol), organizing and executing almost all family celebrations/holidays. I do all this because I'm just naturally organized, punctual, and can get thigns done quickly.
When I start to feel more pressured, overwhelmed or crunched for time then I ask him to do specific tasks or I tell him exactly what I need. Now, Jack does not have to be asked to swiffer the floor, vacuum, load/unload the dishwasher, wash dishes, deal with laundry in progress, mow the lawn, clean out the van.
It's really important to work with your strengths as well as what you like. If one partner absolutely cannot deal with cleaning the bathroom and the other doesn't mind it, then it's obvious who should do it. When I was a full-time SAHM I looked at domestic duties as my full-time job (including parenting for those hours, of course). If I sat around all day, or spent most of my day socializing or reading etc, then I didn't expect Jack to come home from work and pick up the slack. If anything, I'd ask him to take over with the kids so that I could quickly get the stuff done that I should have done during the day.
Physically, the job I have is more demaninding than Jack's so I'm much more tired after work and he acknowledges this. Cooking is something we're both struggling with these days, but for me, it's the mental part of planning and deciding what's for supper that is the challenge right now.
Sometimes the division of labour gets unbalanced and I've written out all the domestic tasks that need to be done on a regular basis then asked Jack and the girls to choose tasks that they will be responsible for. And I've made it really clear to my kids that doing stuff around the house is just a responsibility that comes with being in a family - they don't get an allowance for doing things that just need to be done - I don't get paid for cleaning the toilet or sorting the recycling, and neither do they although I praise their efforts and thank them for their efforts.
One key thing I've learned is to NEVER phrase my requests for help as if they're doing ME a favour. "Can you help me do the dishes? Would you do me a favour and take out the garbage?" etc. Uh-uh, nope. This isn't just MY house, those aren't all MY dirty dishes, I didn't create all that dirty laundry by myself. When my girls have complained about doing a task, I ask them if they would like one of mine (grocery shopping, bill paying, working at my job, doing the laundry etc) and when I'm really grouchy, I tell them "So, stop drinking and stop eating with a fork and plate and you won't have so many dishes to do."
As Kim has gotten older, I've reminded her that when she moves out, ALL of these reponsibilities will ALL be HER responsibility ALL the time! As a typical teenager, she's not great at seeing the big picture, not great at time management so when she's overwhelmed with just working p/t and going to school, I remind her that when she goes to university in just over a year, she'll be working p/t, going to school AND she'll have to make time for cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, etc.
*whew* That got long! LOL. Hope it was helpful, anyway.
When I start to feel more pressured, overwhelmed or crunched for time then I ask him to do specific tasks or I tell him exactly what I need. Now, Jack does not have to be asked to swiffer the floor, vacuum, load/unload the dishwasher, wash dishes, deal with laundry in progress, mow the lawn, clean out the van.
It's really important to work with your strengths as well as what you like. If one partner absolutely cannot deal with cleaning the bathroom and the other doesn't mind it, then it's obvious who should do it. When I was a full-time SAHM I looked at domestic duties as my full-time job (including parenting for those hours, of course). If I sat around all day, or spent most of my day socializing or reading etc, then I didn't expect Jack to come home from work and pick up the slack. If anything, I'd ask him to take over with the kids so that I could quickly get the stuff done that I should have done during the day.
Physically, the job I have is more demaninding than Jack's so I'm much more tired after work and he acknowledges this. Cooking is something we're both struggling with these days, but for me, it's the mental part of planning and deciding what's for supper that is the challenge right now.
Sometimes the division of labour gets unbalanced and I've written out all the domestic tasks that need to be done on a regular basis then asked Jack and the girls to choose tasks that they will be responsible for. And I've made it really clear to my kids that doing stuff around the house is just a responsibility that comes with being in a family - they don't get an allowance for doing things that just need to be done - I don't get paid for cleaning the toilet or sorting the recycling, and neither do they although I praise their efforts and thank them for their efforts.
One key thing I've learned is to NEVER phrase my requests for help as if they're doing ME a favour. "Can you help me do the dishes? Would you do me a favour and take out the garbage?" etc. Uh-uh, nope. This isn't just MY house, those aren't all MY dirty dishes, I didn't create all that dirty laundry by myself. When my girls have complained about doing a task, I ask them if they would like one of mine (grocery shopping, bill paying, working at my job, doing the laundry etc) and when I'm really grouchy, I tell them "So, stop drinking and stop eating with a fork and plate and you won't have so many dishes to do."
As Kim has gotten older, I've reminded her that when she moves out, ALL of these reponsibilities will ALL be HER responsibility ALL the time! As a typical teenager, she's not great at seeing the big picture, not great at time management so when she's overwhelmed with just working p/t and going to school, I remind her that when she goes to university in just over a year, she'll be working p/t, going to school AND she'll have to make time for cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, etc.
*whew* That got long! LOL. Hope it was helpful, anyway.
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