ATTN: INTERNET
I WROTE YOU A STORY
Once upon a time there lived a stouthearted paladin named Geoffrey, Son of Fordwin.
While he was out saving a disembodied puppy the hallucinating king summoned him.
"To what do I owe this honour, your majesty?" asked Geoffrey.
"Alas, the gorgeous fair duchess Princess Alice is gone. We fear she was taken by the dread prince."
So Geoffrey set out with his faithful companion, Jalar the Horse.
"How will I find Princess Alice?" exclaimed Geoffrey. But Jalar the Horse could not say because of a forbidden curse.
"I know where she is," said a talking wolf, "but first you must find at least three clovers of prosperity, for you see, I am crippled and if I do not find them, everyone in the village will shun me."
Geoffrey set out that very night.
Geoffrey knew at least three clovers of prosperity were guarded by a fabled knight of eternity who would only allow passage to those who answered its riddle.
"Where can one find grape-flavored giant snakes?" it asked.
Geoffrey thought carefully, then answered, "They can be found due north from the royal burial ground."
"That is incorrect," its voice boomed. "You now have two guesses remaining." So Geoffrey and Jalar the Horse had to destroy it. In the ensuing battle Jalar the Horse was killed, but Geoffrey made it. Luckily, at least three clovers of prosperity restored his friend to life.
So Geoffrey withdrew at least three clovers of prosperity and brought them back to the talking wolf right away.
"Thank you," said Geoffrey's new friend. To show his thanks, he teleported Geoffrey and Jalar the Horse to the golden meadow where Princess Alice awaited.
But when they arrived, they found that there were 7 Princess Alices waiting for them.
"So, you've arrived," the dread prince laughed, "but you'll never figure out which is the real Princess Alice in time. For you see, when the clock strikes midnight she'll be shrunk to the size of a flea and eaten by a tiny iguana."
With all his wisdom, Jalar the Horse was stumped. Geoffrey remembered the words his mother told him when he was very young. "The real Princess Alice isn't a barrel with a wig and 'Princess Alice' written on it."
Realizing his plan didn't work, the dread prince started summoning Belethu, the dark demon lord.
Luckily, Geoffrey knew the dread prince's one weak spot and stabbed him in the soft spot in his armour with a piece of glass.
"This can't be happening!" the dread prince said as he exploded so that the only thing left was bones.
The next day, Geoffrey and Princess Alice were brought before the king.
"Geoffrey, Son of Fordwin, I hereby dub you Sir Geoffrey, Son of Fordwin, knight of the great kingdom," and placed his sword atop Geoffrey's shoulders.
And they lived happily ever after.
The End.
Once upon a time there lived a stouthearted paladin named Geoffrey, Son of Fordwin.
While he was out saving a disembodied puppy the hallucinating king summoned him.
"To what do I owe this honour, your majesty?" asked Geoffrey.
"Alas, the gorgeous fair duchess Princess Alice is gone. We fear she was taken by the dread prince."
So Geoffrey set out with his faithful companion, Jalar the Horse.
"How will I find Princess Alice?" exclaimed Geoffrey. But Jalar the Horse could not say because of a forbidden curse.
"I know where she is," said a talking wolf, "but first you must find at least three clovers of prosperity, for you see, I am crippled and if I do not find them, everyone in the village will shun me."
Geoffrey set out that very night.
Geoffrey knew at least three clovers of prosperity were guarded by a fabled knight of eternity who would only allow passage to those who answered its riddle.
"Where can one find grape-flavored giant snakes?" it asked.
Geoffrey thought carefully, then answered, "They can be found due north from the royal burial ground."
"That is incorrect," its voice boomed. "You now have two guesses remaining." So Geoffrey and Jalar the Horse had to destroy it. In the ensuing battle Jalar the Horse was killed, but Geoffrey made it. Luckily, at least three clovers of prosperity restored his friend to life.
So Geoffrey withdrew at least three clovers of prosperity and brought them back to the talking wolf right away.
"Thank you," said Geoffrey's new friend. To show his thanks, he teleported Geoffrey and Jalar the Horse to the golden meadow where Princess Alice awaited.
But when they arrived, they found that there were 7 Princess Alices waiting for them.
"So, you've arrived," the dread prince laughed, "but you'll never figure out which is the real Princess Alice in time. For you see, when the clock strikes midnight she'll be shrunk to the size of a flea and eaten by a tiny iguana."
With all his wisdom, Jalar the Horse was stumped. Geoffrey remembered the words his mother told him when he was very young. "The real Princess Alice isn't a barrel with a wig and 'Princess Alice' written on it."
Realizing his plan didn't work, the dread prince started summoning Belethu, the dark demon lord.
Luckily, Geoffrey knew the dread prince's one weak spot and stabbed him in the soft spot in his armour with a piece of glass.
"This can't be happening!" the dread prince said as he exploded so that the only thing left was bones.
The next day, Geoffrey and Princess Alice were brought before the king.
"Geoffrey, Son of Fordwin, I hereby dub you Sir Geoffrey, Son of Fordwin, knight of the great kingdom," and placed his sword atop Geoffrey's shoulders.
And they lived happily ever after.
The End.