Today's angst is proudly sponsered by....

[lokinx]

My head is a fucking mess tonight. No sleep, and a lot of thinking tends to do that to me. Everything at the moment seems to stem back to that shiney fucking moment when the bottom fell out of my world and my heart fell out of my chest in a broken, bloody lump. It was around that time that I decided that anything that might stick seemed like a waste of time.... because love or anything like it leads to a whole mess of tears and angst and a bunch of stuff that really doesn't make anything worth anything. So here I am, trying to gather my little cloud of thoughts together to try and put my finger on exactly what is bothering me. So I trace my fingers along the past to a moment where it all felt ok, and the only conclusion that I came to, is it that it only feels good when I'm not likely to get hurt. And sometimes it feels good to just be physically close to someone that isn't capable of hurting you.

I've been through all the fun, amazing, butterfly filled moments so many times, only to fall hard on every kind of sharp jagged rock at the end of it. I guess my mind is kicking in at this point wondering what the point is, especially when I know how badly the odds are stacked against me.

I'm in this really funny mood right now, and I'm sort of waiting for it to all click over. When I feel like this, I just want to go. Anywhere. I just want to be as far away from everyone and everything as I possibly can be.

As bad as I am
I'm proud of the fact
That I'm worse than I seem