again and again

[lokibat]

there is a breeze tonight.
riding home from hanging out with the cats and reading, i got a familiar chill,
i was cold.
its all downhill from there to here.

drink a bottle of wine with john and
watch House
and think about what sanity means to me
put myself to bed and the tree outside is scratching against the roof
the fan is off
the laptop will be off soon

my brain will not be off so much
as somewhere else.

napping, i dreamt of electrical storms and
red dresses
and heels
and abandonment. disappointment. danger.

last night it was following rivers
and Him
and fortresses
and vagrancy
and mazes

other nights its the subway in paris
and train station
and hotel
and a harbor.

and then streets in spain
and an abandoned fair.

before that,
stumbling up steep stairs in japan
heels again
loneliness
foreign-ness.
obviousness.
..............
its getting cooler
and i love the fall
and here my 25th year is turning over
and i'm not keeping in tradition of first baby at 25
and the love i am full of doesnt do anything for anyone
except some misguided moments when it hurts