wherin isabel whines about her loneliness

[lokibat]

every time ive made an attempt lately to socialize?
its been humiliating
or depressing or awkward or disappointing

i only feel kindof good when i'm hanging out with mario
and i guess thats because i never feel like ive made an ass of myself after.
i know when to leave early
i can take a hint
from him
he's pretty good at making me feel like i am part of whatever
he's pretty good at reciprocating attention
even if its a beer and no conversation while he beats me at pool.
..
..
..
sigh.
fucking fuck all this.
all the people i love have abandoned me,
even the oness who promised they wouldnt
especially them.
and especially the few who i thought i really could go to if it was bad enough
ya know?
fuck.
i'm lonely.