I might fail
I am debating with myself how ethical I would feel combining the wordcounts of about four novels to get to 50k. Because barring me getting a huge word boost on the Arthurian story, I'm at the point where I probably need at least three 10k days to get there. I'll see what I can do, because I don't want to loose NaNo this year, but I don't know if I can make it this year. Which sucks.
In other words, still officially sitting at 31k.
I'll be honest here. The very reasons I might loose are also the reasons that, on some level, I really need to win. I've been depressed and sleep-deprived most of the year. There's a part of me that is shocked that my friends have put up with me as much as they do, given the tears and the complaints and the general wrapped-up-in-my-own-problems. I don't regret the four days I took off because of school work. I shouldn''t regret the days I took off because I needed the break desperately. I hadn't really written in two months at the beginning of November, and apparently I've been lacking the mental stamina to stick with one thing right now. I just don't have it. I am exhausted. I fulfilled all my school obligations and I got the go_exchange piece turned in. I've got bits and pieces of at least three novels I like.
And I feel like the only thing I'm good at, the only thing I want to do, I can't even force myself to do. Which is, of course, stupid, but that doesn't change the fact that I feel like I'm some sort of failure this year. And I can't seem to convince myself that being even a little put together is more important.
*deep breath*
*and another*
In other words, still officially sitting at 31k.
I'll be honest here. The very reasons I might loose are also the reasons that, on some level, I really need to win. I've been depressed and sleep-deprived most of the year. There's a part of me that is shocked that my friends have put up with me as much as they do, given the tears and the complaints and the general wrapped-up-in-my-own-problems. I don't regret the four days I took off because of school work. I shouldn''t regret the days I took off because I needed the break desperately. I hadn't really written in two months at the beginning of November, and apparently I've been lacking the mental stamina to stick with one thing right now. I just don't have it. I am exhausted. I fulfilled all my school obligations and I got the go_exchange piece turned in. I've got bits and pieces of at least three novels I like.
And I feel like the only thing I'm good at, the only thing I want to do, I can't even force myself to do. Which is, of course, stupid, but that doesn't change the fact that I feel like I'm some sort of failure this year. And I can't seem to convince myself that being even a little put together is more important.
*deep breath*
*and another*