Another Sleepless Night Has Passed
Another sleepless night has passed. I know that I have done wrong by so many. The time to repent for things I've done is passed. I can only ask for forgiveness. But, I don't deserve to be forgiven. Everyone that gets close to me I push away. I know that one day I'm going have to lower my defenses and let someone in. I guess that I'm not as tough as I wanted to be. I always thought love was for the weak, and the only reason I would date was so that I could feel, look, and act normal. In the end I know that I'm no where close to normal. If anything I'm more of an outcast than some of the gothic people I know. I kind of miss the feeling of trying to act like someone I'm not. This being away from the people who know me kills me. I know this is going to sound funny, but I miss BDPA (for those who know what this is). I miss the feeling of familyhood. My own family doesn't feel like a real one. I might come back to Chester, Virgina in a year or two, but that's not important. Not like anyone would be happy about it. Well my ex-girlfriend's little sister Bri would be so happy. All that matters now is her happiness. That's what I'm going to live for. No more trying to take the easy way out and get myself killed. You know I took this little quiz online that's suppose to tell you what card you are, and I got the Suicidal King a.k.a. The King of Hearts. Funny right? And I can't get the song Broken by Seether featuring Amy Lee out of my head. That and Fall To Pieces by Velvet Revolver. But the song that's playing in my heart is Tear Away by Drowning Pool. I think that's funny because I'm always tearing away from everything. I don't like to stay in one place to long. That's has nothing to do with my dating life. Sometimes I wish that I knew what I'm suppose to do with my life. Oh well, it doesn't matter my life is just one of the fillers that God put in this world. I know that sometimes I'm mean and evil but I don't know where to go and I still haven't found somewhere to live.