(no subject)
I should wait until tonight to post, but I think I'll do it now.
This coming weekend is a campus holiday of sorts. I made sure to let S know about it weeks beforehand.
S and I have known each other since we were children, became friends in high school, and became platonic life-mates after that. More than once I've had someone ask if we were involved; we're very much like an old married couple. At least, we used to be. S has a boyfriend now, and has graduated from college and is working to get into grad school. She's growing up, which is fine and I'm happy for her, but in a lot of ways she seems to become much more abrasive. She snaps at me and seems annoyed with me more often than not, and is more and more often blowing me off to be with her boyfriend.
Fine.
I let her know three weeks ago about this holiday, knowing that my roommate intended to invite a few of her friends over (she's up to five now), so I wanted someone my own age and who isn't a Kardashian worshiping, ugg wearing, valley girl to be here, too. There's a spare bed in my room, and if it could be occupied by a friend, then hallelu. I sent a text to S today, telling her to bring a pillow and that I had blankets, sheets, towels, etc. for her. She responded by telling me she was busy. That her parents want her to clean her room and that she wants to get her previous colleges to get her transcripts sent to her grad schools.
I told her about this three weeks ago. We were just talking about it last weekend. She's 25 years old - your parents want you to clean your room? What kind of excuse is that? She's unemployed, though she does volunteer work at the hospital. She essentially just does about four hours of volunteer work a day, cooks dinner, and works out. She had three weeks to plan ahead.
Her response to me calling her out on that? "I have a life too, you know! Why do you have to be so difficult?"
I'm sorry. I thought we were best friends. I thought that I could have my best friend out here to give me a P.I.C. against the valley girl infestation that was about to occur. I though I could have my best friend out here to talk to about being told by a doctor that "I can have you hospitalized if I feel like you're a danger to yourself" and then proceed to discuss my history of self-harm and suicidal thoughts and actions.
I was wrong for expecting my best friend to understand that. I guess she really does need to clean her room.
K also blew me off for this weekend, too. Guess I'm only worth being around if I'm going to be entertaining and paying for things. That's my value.
I'm done. I don't want friends anymore. It just ends in disappointment. I'm going to play my piano and work on my assignments. Maybe I'll work out tonight or go to the library and find something interesting to learn about.
[EDIT] She just texted me saying that she'd be here tomorrow. I told her not to come. She texted me back sayin she'd be here around 7. I told her to NOT FUCKING COME. She hasn't responded. I really don't want her to come anymore, I just want to be alone. She'll attempt to guilt me for "dragging her out here," even though I told her not to come THREE TIMES.
I just don't want to see anyone.
This coming weekend is a campus holiday of sorts. I made sure to let S know about it weeks beforehand.
S and I have known each other since we were children, became friends in high school, and became platonic life-mates after that. More than once I've had someone ask if we were involved; we're very much like an old married couple. At least, we used to be. S has a boyfriend now, and has graduated from college and is working to get into grad school. She's growing up, which is fine and I'm happy for her, but in a lot of ways she seems to become much more abrasive. She snaps at me and seems annoyed with me more often than not, and is more and more often blowing me off to be with her boyfriend.
Fine.
I let her know three weeks ago about this holiday, knowing that my roommate intended to invite a few of her friends over (she's up to five now), so I wanted someone my own age and who isn't a Kardashian worshiping, ugg wearing, valley girl to be here, too. There's a spare bed in my room, and if it could be occupied by a friend, then hallelu. I sent a text to S today, telling her to bring a pillow and that I had blankets, sheets, towels, etc. for her. She responded by telling me she was busy. That her parents want her to clean her room and that she wants to get her previous colleges to get her transcripts sent to her grad schools.
I told her about this three weeks ago. We were just talking about it last weekend. She's 25 years old - your parents want you to clean your room? What kind of excuse is that? She's unemployed, though she does volunteer work at the hospital. She essentially just does about four hours of volunteer work a day, cooks dinner, and works out. She had three weeks to plan ahead.
Her response to me calling her out on that? "I have a life too, you know! Why do you have to be so difficult?"
I'm sorry. I thought we were best friends. I thought that I could have my best friend out here to give me a P.I.C. against the valley girl infestation that was about to occur. I though I could have my best friend out here to talk to about being told by a doctor that "I can have you hospitalized if I feel like you're a danger to yourself" and then proceed to discuss my history of self-harm and suicidal thoughts and actions.
I was wrong for expecting my best friend to understand that. I guess she really does need to clean her room.
K also blew me off for this weekend, too. Guess I'm only worth being around if I'm going to be entertaining and paying for things. That's my value.
I'm done. I don't want friends anymore. It just ends in disappointment. I'm going to play my piano and work on my assignments. Maybe I'll work out tonight or go to the library and find something interesting to learn about.
[EDIT] She just texted me saying that she'd be here tomorrow. I told her not to come. She texted me back sayin she'd be here around 7. I told her to NOT FUCKING COME. She hasn't responded. I really don't want her to come anymore, I just want to be alone. She'll attempt to guilt me for "dragging her out here," even though I told her not to come THREE TIMES.
I just don't want to see anyone.