Things That I've Lost: Ch. 7 (Xangel AU)
Title: Things That I've Lost, Ch.7: Fathers
Author: Loki Fox
Pairing: Xander/Angel
Rating: FRT-13
Warning(s): Language
Feedback: Seriously? Aren't all writers feedback whores?
Summary: The boys share a heart to heart moment.
Previous chapters: found here.
A/N: Another short piece that the muse really wanted to write. Thanks again to all my faithful readers who left me feedback on the last piece. You guys rock. ^^
~ Fathers ~
“So how’d it go?”
I shake my head a bit as Angel’s question knocks me out of my daze. I turn to him as he pulls himself out of an uncomfortable looking hospital chair.
“It was good…well ok, maybe not good. Because hello, good would be not having to come to the hospital at all, let alone every two weeks.”
“It could be worse.”
I throw the vampire a mock glare as we make it out of the hospital and begin heading towards his car. “I know that. This is just me venting. Your job is to nod along agreeably. I vent, you nod. It’s a basic but efficient system.”
Angel slides an amused smile my way as we both climb into the convertible. “I’ve been told I’m a very good nodder.”
“You know, I don’t know if I should simply laugh at that statement or question it further.”
We both share an amiable smile. Something I would have never thought possible two weeks ago, or should I say six years ago? Whatever. Timeline wackiness aside I never thought I’d be here with Angel. It’s been nice, despite some of the bumps we’ve run into. He still draws up whenever I mention Buffy, as well as the whys surrounding my loss in brain activity the last three years. I’ve tried to squeeze some info outa Fred but I’d have an easier time getting Willow to come hang out on senior skip day. Weirdness is defiantly abound, but I’m used to that, much more so than my newfound vampire friend.
Huh.
I roll the word around in my head a bit. Yeah. I guess me and Angel really are friends now, and look, the world still’s spinning. Go figure.
“So everything’s okay?”
His voice startles me out of my thoughts again. I feel the corner of my mouth tug into a smile as I take in his jumpy body language. He never did like being left in the dark-ironically. “It’s really killing you not having the full skinny isn’t it?”
He sighs. “Is it really that obvious?”
“In a without a doubt sort of way, yeah.”
He makes this funny little groaning noise.
“Hey don’t worry man,” I chuckle. “I’m just happy you didn’t rip that nurse’s arm off when he said you had to wait in the waiting room.”
“Yeah well, he’s lucky I had other things on my mind.” He says with a hint of a snarl.
That nurse really was lucky.
He turns to me then, his expression serious. “Everything really is ok though?”
“For the moment yeah.” I say, realizing the time for teasing is over. “All the white coats are still pretty much in shock over my miraculous recovery, which of course means they want to do more tests-many many more tests.”
“You’ll get through them, and I’m here for you.”
I feel something tug at the pit of my gut at the simple way he says that. I smile back at him. “I know.”
“And your memory?"
“Still as empty as ever, with no signs of when or if the noggin is going to fill in the missing blanks, which according to them could or could not happen any day. Because how helpful of a timeframe is that? Oh, that doctor that Reyes pulled in was also really nice,” I say as I remember back to the helpful doctor. “He kept me from hyperventilating during the CAT scan.”
There’s a loud slamming noise that registers around the same time that I notice that Angel’s just put a sizeable dent into the driver’s side door.
“Whoa big guy. The car is our friend.”
“I forgot about that,” he mumbles. “How could I forget about that!” Cue door bang number two.
I stare at my sometimes-crazy vampire with confusion. “Do you wanna explain what your talking about? Because I’m pretty much still siding with the door right now.”
He sort of crumples in on himself a bit. A few seconds go by before he finally collects himself and turns to me. “Did being in there make you think of him?”
I feel something cold slide against my spine. “Him? Wh-what are you talking about?” No. He can’t know about that. It’s gotta be something else.
He looks me straight in the eyes. “Your father.”
I’m unable to hold his gaze. “My father? You’ve lost me Angel.” I muster the strength to say with bravado. “Is that some type of euphemism? A codeword you and I have or something. They can be really helpful, you know? Code words. Willow and I used to come up with em’ all the time, nothing too big, just little things, like sharing her lunch. She’d say her mom packed her too much food again and that was my way of knowing she understood that my mom didn’t pack me a lunch at all.” God. Why the hell can’t I just shut up, I’m supposed to be routing him away from this conversation, not towards it.
“I know.”
“Yeah?! What the hell do you know Angel!” I shout as I turn back to him.
I feel something shift between us as his sad brown eyes stare back into mine. “I know what it was like for you growing up, being trapped in that house, with them. I know how alone you felt, how unloved. I know that your mother used to flick cigarette butts at you when she’d get upset, and that sometimes your father would lock you in the closet for hours, which is why you don’t like small spaces.”
I turn away from his gaze. “Shut up Angel…”
A long silence goes by. Every muscle in my body is twitching to just grab hold of the car handle and bolt. He’s not supposed to know those things. Nobody knows those things, not even Willow. Not specifics. I feel exposed. Dirty. God, what does he think of me now?
“When I was alive, before Darla and Angelus.” His voice is low and quite, as if to keep the words closer to himself. “I was raised to follow in my father’s footsteps. He was a stern and cold man, who didn’t take kindly to a free spirited son. So he’d beat it out of me. Canes were his favorite but sometimes he’d change it up; sticks, belts, stokers, as long as it left a mark. They’re the only scars I bear now, since the turning, the only thing I have left from that time.”
I turn back to him. “Angel, I’m sorry, you didn’t have…”
“I wanted you to know.” He places a hand on my shoulder, squeezes. “You deserve to know.”
I smile back at him. Wondering not for the first time what the hell I did to make things so different between us. That he seems to get me more than anyone I’ve ever known. I feel a shot of laughter burble out of my chest at the zaniness of this whole mess. “Angel?”
“Yeah?”
“Can we go home?”
I see a tiny spark pass over his eyes for the briefest of seconds as his smile lights up the car. “Yeah,’ he says as he revs up the engine. “We can do that.”
Author: Loki Fox
Pairing: Xander/Angel
Rating: FRT-13
Warning(s): Language
Feedback: Seriously? Aren't all writers feedback whores?
Summary: The boys share a heart to heart moment.
Previous chapters: found here.
A/N: Another short piece that the muse really wanted to write. Thanks again to all my faithful readers who left me feedback on the last piece. You guys rock. ^^
~ Fathers ~
“So how’d it go?”
I shake my head a bit as Angel’s question knocks me out of my daze. I turn to him as he pulls himself out of an uncomfortable looking hospital chair.
“It was good…well ok, maybe not good. Because hello, good would be not having to come to the hospital at all, let alone every two weeks.”
“It could be worse.”
I throw the vampire a mock glare as we make it out of the hospital and begin heading towards his car. “I know that. This is just me venting. Your job is to nod along agreeably. I vent, you nod. It’s a basic but efficient system.”
Angel slides an amused smile my way as we both climb into the convertible. “I’ve been told I’m a very good nodder.”
“You know, I don’t know if I should simply laugh at that statement or question it further.”
We both share an amiable smile. Something I would have never thought possible two weeks ago, or should I say six years ago? Whatever. Timeline wackiness aside I never thought I’d be here with Angel. It’s been nice, despite some of the bumps we’ve run into. He still draws up whenever I mention Buffy, as well as the whys surrounding my loss in brain activity the last three years. I’ve tried to squeeze some info outa Fred but I’d have an easier time getting Willow to come hang out on senior skip day. Weirdness is defiantly abound, but I’m used to that, much more so than my newfound vampire friend.
Huh.
I roll the word around in my head a bit. Yeah. I guess me and Angel really are friends now, and look, the world still’s spinning. Go figure.
“So everything’s okay?”
His voice startles me out of my thoughts again. I feel the corner of my mouth tug into a smile as I take in his jumpy body language. He never did like being left in the dark-ironically. “It’s really killing you not having the full skinny isn’t it?”
He sighs. “Is it really that obvious?”
“In a without a doubt sort of way, yeah.”
He makes this funny little groaning noise.
“Hey don’t worry man,” I chuckle. “I’m just happy you didn’t rip that nurse’s arm off when he said you had to wait in the waiting room.”
“Yeah well, he’s lucky I had other things on my mind.” He says with a hint of a snarl.
That nurse really was lucky.
He turns to me then, his expression serious. “Everything really is ok though?”
“For the moment yeah.” I say, realizing the time for teasing is over. “All the white coats are still pretty much in shock over my miraculous recovery, which of course means they want to do more tests-many many more tests.”
“You’ll get through them, and I’m here for you.”
I feel something tug at the pit of my gut at the simple way he says that. I smile back at him. “I know.”
“And your memory?"
“Still as empty as ever, with no signs of when or if the noggin is going to fill in the missing blanks, which according to them could or could not happen any day. Because how helpful of a timeframe is that? Oh, that doctor that Reyes pulled in was also really nice,” I say as I remember back to the helpful doctor. “He kept me from hyperventilating during the CAT scan.”
There’s a loud slamming noise that registers around the same time that I notice that Angel’s just put a sizeable dent into the driver’s side door.
“Whoa big guy. The car is our friend.”
“I forgot about that,” he mumbles. “How could I forget about that!” Cue door bang number two.
I stare at my sometimes-crazy vampire with confusion. “Do you wanna explain what your talking about? Because I’m pretty much still siding with the door right now.”
He sort of crumples in on himself a bit. A few seconds go by before he finally collects himself and turns to me. “Did being in there make you think of him?”
I feel something cold slide against my spine. “Him? Wh-what are you talking about?” No. He can’t know about that. It’s gotta be something else.
He looks me straight in the eyes. “Your father.”
I’m unable to hold his gaze. “My father? You’ve lost me Angel.” I muster the strength to say with bravado. “Is that some type of euphemism? A codeword you and I have or something. They can be really helpful, you know? Code words. Willow and I used to come up with em’ all the time, nothing too big, just little things, like sharing her lunch. She’d say her mom packed her too much food again and that was my way of knowing she understood that my mom didn’t pack me a lunch at all.” God. Why the hell can’t I just shut up, I’m supposed to be routing him away from this conversation, not towards it.
“I know.”
“Yeah?! What the hell do you know Angel!” I shout as I turn back to him.
I feel something shift between us as his sad brown eyes stare back into mine. “I know what it was like for you growing up, being trapped in that house, with them. I know how alone you felt, how unloved. I know that your mother used to flick cigarette butts at you when she’d get upset, and that sometimes your father would lock you in the closet for hours, which is why you don’t like small spaces.”
I turn away from his gaze. “Shut up Angel…”
A long silence goes by. Every muscle in my body is twitching to just grab hold of the car handle and bolt. He’s not supposed to know those things. Nobody knows those things, not even Willow. Not specifics. I feel exposed. Dirty. God, what does he think of me now?
“When I was alive, before Darla and Angelus.” His voice is low and quite, as if to keep the words closer to himself. “I was raised to follow in my father’s footsteps. He was a stern and cold man, who didn’t take kindly to a free spirited son. So he’d beat it out of me. Canes were his favorite but sometimes he’d change it up; sticks, belts, stokers, as long as it left a mark. They’re the only scars I bear now, since the turning, the only thing I have left from that time.”
I turn back to him. “Angel, I’m sorry, you didn’t have…”
“I wanted you to know.” He places a hand on my shoulder, squeezes. “You deserve to know.”
I smile back at him. Wondering not for the first time what the hell I did to make things so different between us. That he seems to get me more than anyone I’ve ever known. I feel a shot of laughter burble out of my chest at the zaniness of this whole mess. “Angel?”
“Yeah?”
“Can we go home?”
I see a tiny spark pass over his eyes for the briefest of seconds as his smile lights up the car. “Yeah,’ he says as he revs up the engine. “We can do that.”