All the Things That I've Lost, Prologue. ( X/A, Drama AU )
Title: All the Things That I’ve Lost (working title)
Author:
loki_fox
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Drama
Pairing: Xander/Angel
Rating: FRT-13
Warning(s): Language
Feedback: Con-crit is always welcome; flames are not.
Summary: A meeting between Angel and Willow over Xander's hospital bed.
A/N: Ok so this is my first time posting something that I've written, and actually a really old piece that I found scribbled down in a journal I had back in high school from around 5 or 6 years ago. (Yes, that does make me feel old. And yes, I have been lurking for that long.) Anyways, I found this little scribbled story idea and after tweaking the language and the grammar (thankfully I've grown in 5 years) I decided it was an interesting little blurb. There may be a followup to this. Unbetaed to insure the original integrity, all mistakes belong to me.
~ Prologue ~
"How is he?”
Such a simple question, Angel wishes he could give the girl the answer she wants. The answer they both want. To be able to tell her that her best friend is doing fine, the same goofy boy she’s known since they were both in diapers. But Xander isn’t fine.
May never be fine.
Not after this. Not after what he’s done to his beautiful boy.
“Willow….I’m”
Her voice is hard as she cuts him off, “Don’t.”
He nods to her from across the hospital room.
The soft sound of her footsteps breaks the harmony of the chirping machines as she makes her way to the opposite side of the bed. Angel watches as she cradles the boy’s hand gently between her tiny ones. The scene looks so innocent that Angel has to remind himself that the slip of a girl sitting across from him is one of the most powerful witches on Earth.
Green eyes that have been so lost and cold since she first set foot in the room lose their edge as she ghosts a finger across Xander’s unruly bangs. For a brief second, before she returns to wherever it is she’s stumbled off to, Angel thinks about the old Willow. Before the magik and the demons. Imagines the tiny redhead and her love for science, can see her and a much younger Xander playing doctor or house, or any other number of games that little kids dream up before their innocence vanishes.
Thinks of how different their lives would have been if they never had learned how real nightmares could be. He can picture a happy home always full of laugher, filled with little ones with fathomless chocolate eyes and a penchant for letting their curiosities get the better of them. Can see the two of them, out on a porch somewhere, growing old, satisfied with the mark they left on the world.
Comes back to reality.
The scene before him is so tender that Angel has to turn his gaze away, can’t bear to watch her fall apart. Has enough experience with that particular exercise for the rest of his unlife.
Her choked sobs echo loudly within the small room even if she’s trying her hardest to keep them in.
Angel hates himself even more.
He grips Xander’s hand tighter, reaching for a lifeline that he knows wont be returned. Hates the stillness he finds there. Wants to rant, and scream, and cry. God he’d give up anything if Xander would just move his fucking hand. Angel can’t stand to see the agile man so lifeless. Thinks of all the times he’d scream at Xander to just sit still, doesn’t appreciate the irony of how horrible it is that Xander is now doing precisely that.
“He used to be my everything you know?” Willow’s quit whisper breaks him out of his thoughts. “My friend, my brother,” a chocked laugh, “my knight.”
She locks eyes with Angel. There’s such intensity there, more than from anyone he’s ever seen at her age.
“He’s my constant Angel. He’s the one person that’s always been there for me.” She runs her tiny hand around the curve of Xander’s cheek. “It never should have ended like this.”
Angel feels himself breaking all over again, he wants to plead with her to stop, to just fade away from this place. He can’t though. He deserves the pain this confession is costing him.
His voice comes out dry. “It’s all my fault.”
She tucks a loose strand of Xander’s hair away from his battered face. The contempt in her eyes chills his blood as she regards him from across the hospital bed. “I know.”
She rises from her post beside the shell of her friend, the radiance of her fiery locks a betrayal to the dullness etched across her soul. With a heavy heart she makes her way to the doorway and begins to turn the handle. Stops.
“He always loved you”
She doesn’t turn to catch the broken vampire’s nod, doesn’t need to. Her voice stumbles, her inflection losing some of its certainty as her next words reach his ears.
“Angel, if he ever does wake up from all this,” Her eyes are unguarded as she catches his gaze over her shoulder, “Let him go. He deserves more than what you can give him.”
She’s gone before he can say anything.
Angel carefully crawls into the bed, mindful of his fragile boy. Places his head over Xander’s heartbeat, and lets himself fall apart all over again.
Author:
loki_fox
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Drama
Pairing: Xander/Angel
Rating: FRT-13
Warning(s): Language
Feedback: Con-crit is always welcome; flames are not.
Summary: A meeting between Angel and Willow over Xander's hospital bed.
A/N: Ok so this is my first time posting something that I've written, and actually a really old piece that I found scribbled down in a journal I had back in high school from around 5 or 6 years ago. (Yes, that does make me feel old. And yes, I have been lurking for that long.) Anyways, I found this little scribbled story idea and after tweaking the language and the grammar (thankfully I've grown in 5 years) I decided it was an interesting little blurb. There may be a followup to this. Unbetaed to insure the original integrity, all mistakes belong to me.
~ Prologue ~
"How is he?”
Such a simple question, Angel wishes he could give the girl the answer she wants. The answer they both want. To be able to tell her that her best friend is doing fine, the same goofy boy she’s known since they were both in diapers. But Xander isn’t fine.
May never be fine.
Not after this. Not after what he’s done to his beautiful boy.
“Willow….I’m”
Her voice is hard as she cuts him off, “Don’t.”
He nods to her from across the hospital room.
The soft sound of her footsteps breaks the harmony of the chirping machines as she makes her way to the opposite side of the bed. Angel watches as she cradles the boy’s hand gently between her tiny ones. The scene looks so innocent that Angel has to remind himself that the slip of a girl sitting across from him is one of the most powerful witches on Earth.
Green eyes that have been so lost and cold since she first set foot in the room lose their edge as she ghosts a finger across Xander’s unruly bangs. For a brief second, before she returns to wherever it is she’s stumbled off to, Angel thinks about the old Willow. Before the magik and the demons. Imagines the tiny redhead and her love for science, can see her and a much younger Xander playing doctor or house, or any other number of games that little kids dream up before their innocence vanishes.
Thinks of how different their lives would have been if they never had learned how real nightmares could be. He can picture a happy home always full of laugher, filled with little ones with fathomless chocolate eyes and a penchant for letting their curiosities get the better of them. Can see the two of them, out on a porch somewhere, growing old, satisfied with the mark they left on the world.
Comes back to reality.
The scene before him is so tender that Angel has to turn his gaze away, can’t bear to watch her fall apart. Has enough experience with that particular exercise for the rest of his unlife.
Her choked sobs echo loudly within the small room even if she’s trying her hardest to keep them in.
Angel hates himself even more.
He grips Xander’s hand tighter, reaching for a lifeline that he knows wont be returned. Hates the stillness he finds there. Wants to rant, and scream, and cry. God he’d give up anything if Xander would just move his fucking hand. Angel can’t stand to see the agile man so lifeless. Thinks of all the times he’d scream at Xander to just sit still, doesn’t appreciate the irony of how horrible it is that Xander is now doing precisely that.
“He used to be my everything you know?” Willow’s quit whisper breaks him out of his thoughts. “My friend, my brother,” a chocked laugh, “my knight.”
She locks eyes with Angel. There’s such intensity there, more than from anyone he’s ever seen at her age.
“He’s my constant Angel. He’s the one person that’s always been there for me.” She runs her tiny hand around the curve of Xander’s cheek. “It never should have ended like this.”
Angel feels himself breaking all over again, he wants to plead with her to stop, to just fade away from this place. He can’t though. He deserves the pain this confession is costing him.
His voice comes out dry. “It’s all my fault.”
She tucks a loose strand of Xander’s hair away from his battered face. The contempt in her eyes chills his blood as she regards him from across the hospital bed. “I know.”
She rises from her post beside the shell of her friend, the radiance of her fiery locks a betrayal to the dullness etched across her soul. With a heavy heart she makes her way to the doorway and begins to turn the handle. Stops.
“He always loved you”
She doesn’t turn to catch the broken vampire’s nod, doesn’t need to. Her voice stumbles, her inflection losing some of its certainty as her next words reach his ears.
“Angel, if he ever does wake up from all this,” Her eyes are unguarded as she catches his gaze over her shoulder, “Let him go. He deserves more than what you can give him.”
She’s gone before he can say anything.
Angel carefully crawls into the bed, mindful of his fragile boy. Places his head over Xander’s heartbeat, and lets himself fall apart all over again.