Five FitzSimmons Modifications that didn't make the Bus (and one that did)
Still sick (home from work again, grah) but...Bouncy British scientists strike again!
Five FitzSimmons Modifications that didn't make the Bus (and one that did)
by Lokei
Agents of SHIELD, gen, episode tag
1) The Fish Tank
Word got back to Fury (word always gets back to Fury) that FitzSimmons had indeed proposed a fish tank aboard the reconstructed plane, and he rolled his eye with the kind of resignation only perfected by those who deal with Tony Stark and his ragtag team of weirdos on a frequent basis. Hill, however, found the idea hilarious and went off to needle Coulson about it, who calmly passed her along to the brains responsible. They had, after all, been the ones to actually *fire* the 084 and put a hole in his mobile headquarters. They deserved at least a little bit of uncomfortableness for that.
Fitz, when asked, pointed to Simmons and claimed that she'd wanted the tank to be filled with some kind of fish that produce interesting biochemicals--namely, poisons, lethal and non. He himself, of course, only wanted the tank to have the kinds of nice, pretty, relaxing fish that had interesting fin motions--he had some theories about reducing drag and also wing flexibility that would be greatly enhanced by the opportunity to study the fluid dynamics of the--but really, no, he had the rest of the team in mind, the relaxing thing, you know. Because Agent Ward and Agent May both, and well, each of them in particular depending on the day, seemed in dire need of something mellow, like watching the fish, or well, possibly Simmons' fishes' muscle relaxant toxin?
Hill gave Coulson a lava lamp at the next briefing.
He used it to brain the stowaway they picked up on their fifth mission.
2) The 'Disco Windows'
The key, apparently, had something to do with selective reflectivity and polarization. And fish scales, but Ward wasn't even going to try to figure out how. He was more preoccupied with
"But why? I mean, what possible purpose could putting some kind of...disco filter on the windows serve?"
FitzSimmons gave him identical looks of amused condescension.
"'But why' he asks. As if science was all about solutions."
"Problem solving."
"Medical miracles."
"Weapons and communication."
"Transportation."
"Faster than *light* transportation."
"Because that's not all that science is."
And, in eerie synchrony:
"Because sometimes science is just fun. Because we *can.*"
Unsettled, Ward shook his head. "Just...make sure it's removable, if you go for it. Because the Director is never gonna go for it."
...All the same, he was a little disappointed when he turned out to be right.
3) The Dwarves' Cat Tunnels
"But then they could access all areas of the plane without getting in the way!" said Fitz.
"And it would be particularly nice for Bashful," Simmons added with a little smile. "He doesn't like crowds."
"Robot drone superhighway? I don't think so," Skye said.
"Seriously, that's creepy," Ward agreed, to the hacker's evident surprise.
"They can use the ventilation systems just like everyone else," Coulson said.
The rest of the team looked at each other and decided not to ask.
4) Anti-Gravity Squashball Court
"We have one of those on the heli-carrier. Not as fun as you'd think," Coulson said.
FitzSimmons frowned. "Who?"
"Who else?"
Their request for a direct line to Stark's labs was also declined.
5) Hammocks in the cargo bay
"And these have, what, medical sensors in them? Slow release truth-serum through skin absorption? Fingerprint capture?" Ward sounded so proud of himself for coming up with the options, Simmons thought it was close to unbearable levels of cute.
She smiled. "Actually, it's a highly useful and versatile cellulose-based fiber, using organic acids and a delicate balance of multiple forms of saccharides."
Ward raised his eyebrows for more explanation.
"It's cotton," she explained. "Good for swinging, relaxing, mid-air napping?"
May shook her head with a rueful hint of an expression on her face. "Got you there, Ward. Again. Sometimes a hammock is just a hammock." She turned to Simmons. "Unfortunately, good a pilot as I am, turbulence happens. Among other things. I'd rather not feel responsible for someone getting a concussion falling out of a hammock mid-flight."
Simmons raised a hand. "Um, sorry, other things?"
May tipped her head and Simmons put her hand down. Someone had, after all, blown a hole in the plane in its very first week.
"Right. No hammocks."
+
1) Magnetized coasters and drinking glasses
Technically, of course, Fitz hastened to assure the rest of the team, the coasters also featured a suction-based securing device on the posterior to affix them to the glass bar top in case of turbulence--or rapid cabin depressurization, of course.
"Which there will be no more of in the immediate or forseeable future," Coulson interjected. "As I have already promised Director Fury."
Skye twirled a coaster between her fingers before returning it to its spot clinging to the glass. "Suction cup coasters and magnetic glasses, huh? Anyone else feel a drinking game coming on?"
FitzSimmons blinked at her, May folded her arms, but Ward's face twitched barely perceptibly.
"We did test them with a game of wall-golf," Simmons offered. "To make sure the magnets withstood an alteration of gravity, of course."
"Of course," Coulson echoed dryly, while Skye repeated "Wall golf?"
"Like darts, but with glasses as the targets, stuck to the walls," Fitz filled in.
"Presumably not with actual golf balls, since the glasses are all still in one piece. Unless you're just a lousy shot," Ward added.
Simmons smiled. "Oh, did we not mention? The glasses are formed of the latest in enhanced polycarbonate."
Ward's expression made her smile flicker and then return brighter. "That is to say, they're also bulletproof."
The new barware got to stay, but it surprised no one when Fury denied the requisition for golf clubs.
Five FitzSimmons Modifications that didn't make the Bus (and one that did)
by Lokei
Agents of SHIELD, gen, episode tag
1) The Fish Tank
Word got back to Fury (word always gets back to Fury) that FitzSimmons had indeed proposed a fish tank aboard the reconstructed plane, and he rolled his eye with the kind of resignation only perfected by those who deal with Tony Stark and his ragtag team of weirdos on a frequent basis. Hill, however, found the idea hilarious and went off to needle Coulson about it, who calmly passed her along to the brains responsible. They had, after all, been the ones to actually *fire* the 084 and put a hole in his mobile headquarters. They deserved at least a little bit of uncomfortableness for that.
Fitz, when asked, pointed to Simmons and claimed that she'd wanted the tank to be filled with some kind of fish that produce interesting biochemicals--namely, poisons, lethal and non. He himself, of course, only wanted the tank to have the kinds of nice, pretty, relaxing fish that had interesting fin motions--he had some theories about reducing drag and also wing flexibility that would be greatly enhanced by the opportunity to study the fluid dynamics of the--but really, no, he had the rest of the team in mind, the relaxing thing, you know. Because Agent Ward and Agent May both, and well, each of them in particular depending on the day, seemed in dire need of something mellow, like watching the fish, or well, possibly Simmons' fishes' muscle relaxant toxin?
Hill gave Coulson a lava lamp at the next briefing.
He used it to brain the stowaway they picked up on their fifth mission.
2) The 'Disco Windows'
The key, apparently, had something to do with selective reflectivity and polarization. And fish scales, but Ward wasn't even going to try to figure out how. He was more preoccupied with
"But why? I mean, what possible purpose could putting some kind of...disco filter on the windows serve?"
FitzSimmons gave him identical looks of amused condescension.
"'But why' he asks. As if science was all about solutions."
"Problem solving."
"Medical miracles."
"Weapons and communication."
"Transportation."
"Faster than *light* transportation."
"Because that's not all that science is."
And, in eerie synchrony:
"Because sometimes science is just fun. Because we *can.*"
Unsettled, Ward shook his head. "Just...make sure it's removable, if you go for it. Because the Director is never gonna go for it."
...All the same, he was a little disappointed when he turned out to be right.
3) The Dwarves' Cat Tunnels
"But then they could access all areas of the plane without getting in the way!" said Fitz.
"And it would be particularly nice for Bashful," Simmons added with a little smile. "He doesn't like crowds."
"Robot drone superhighway? I don't think so," Skye said.
"Seriously, that's creepy," Ward agreed, to the hacker's evident surprise.
"They can use the ventilation systems just like everyone else," Coulson said.
The rest of the team looked at each other and decided not to ask.
4) Anti-Gravity Squashball Court
"We have one of those on the heli-carrier. Not as fun as you'd think," Coulson said.
FitzSimmons frowned. "Who?"
"Who else?"
Their request for a direct line to Stark's labs was also declined.
5) Hammocks in the cargo bay
"And these have, what, medical sensors in them? Slow release truth-serum through skin absorption? Fingerprint capture?" Ward sounded so proud of himself for coming up with the options, Simmons thought it was close to unbearable levels of cute.
She smiled. "Actually, it's a highly useful and versatile cellulose-based fiber, using organic acids and a delicate balance of multiple forms of saccharides."
Ward raised his eyebrows for more explanation.
"It's cotton," she explained. "Good for swinging, relaxing, mid-air napping?"
May shook her head with a rueful hint of an expression on her face. "Got you there, Ward. Again. Sometimes a hammock is just a hammock." She turned to Simmons. "Unfortunately, good a pilot as I am, turbulence happens. Among other things. I'd rather not feel responsible for someone getting a concussion falling out of a hammock mid-flight."
Simmons raised a hand. "Um, sorry, other things?"
May tipped her head and Simmons put her hand down. Someone had, after all, blown a hole in the plane in its very first week.
"Right. No hammocks."
+
1) Magnetized coasters and drinking glasses
Technically, of course, Fitz hastened to assure the rest of the team, the coasters also featured a suction-based securing device on the posterior to affix them to the glass bar top in case of turbulence--or rapid cabin depressurization, of course.
"Which there will be no more of in the immediate or forseeable future," Coulson interjected. "As I have already promised Director Fury."
Skye twirled a coaster between her fingers before returning it to its spot clinging to the glass. "Suction cup coasters and magnetic glasses, huh? Anyone else feel a drinking game coming on?"
FitzSimmons blinked at her, May folded her arms, but Ward's face twitched barely perceptibly.
"We did test them with a game of wall-golf," Simmons offered. "To make sure the magnets withstood an alteration of gravity, of course."
"Of course," Coulson echoed dryly, while Skye repeated "Wall golf?"
"Like darts, but with glasses as the targets, stuck to the walls," Fitz filled in.
"Presumably not with actual golf balls, since the glasses are all still in one piece. Unless you're just a lousy shot," Ward added.
Simmons smiled. "Oh, did we not mention? The glasses are formed of the latest in enhanced polycarbonate."
Ward's expression made her smile flicker and then return brighter. "That is to say, they're also bulletproof."
The new barware got to stay, but it surprised no one when Fury denied the requisition for golf clubs.