In which I hate Microsoft Word
Our epic angstfest starts in the Supermarket, as so many epic angstfests do...
Roy: "Dick, grab some of those peaches." Roy said, pushing the cart and reading off his list. He grabbed a jar of applesauce from his side of the aisle.
Dick: "Sure," Dick said. He felt the peaches to make sure they were ripe and grabbed a plastic bag. His hand knocked against someone else's. "Oh, excuse me." He looked up and saw his therapist. "Oh, hi, Dr. Hastings."
Roy: Roy looked over and his heart stopped. Damn, damn, damn. Redhead. Fuck his life. He pasted a smile on.
Dick: "Hi, Dick," she said, smiling. "How are you doing?"
Dick: "Oh, fine." He looked over at Roy. "Roy, this is my therapist. Dr. Hastings, this is my boyfriend."
Dick: "Nice to meet you," Annie said.
Roy: "Hi." Roy smiled at her politely. No good white trash *ho*.
Roy: he looked her over. Dick's type. Pretty, smart, vivacious... red head...
Dick: She nodded at Roy. "Dick's told me a lot about you," she said.
Roy: "Has he?" With his luck he was the source of all Dick's problems, "Is that good or bad?"
Dick: Dick laughed. "It's fine. You're a big part of my life. Of course I'm going to talk about you." He dropped the peaches in the cart and kissed Roy's cheek briefly. "Anyway, it was great seeing you, Doctor."
Dick: "I told you, you can call me Annie," she said. "And it was great seeing you too, Dick. We're meeting again next week, right?"
Roy: "Nice to meet you." Roy said, pushing the cart and just hoping he wasn't flushing in embarrassment. "I'll meet up with you in the ice cream section." he told Dick. He could stay there and talk to his little therapist for all Roy cared!
Dick: Dick nodded. "Yeah," he said. He looked after Roy. "Uh oh, I have to go. See you later."
Dick: "Looks like it," Annie said. "Well, see you next week!"
Dick: Dick waved and hurried after Roy. "What was that?" he asked.
Roy: "What was what?" Roy asked, looking at him.
Dick: "You stormed off," Dick said.
Roy: He hoped he wasn't still flushed- he probably was. His hands felt hot, gripping the sticky push-bar... "I did not." Roy snapped.
Roy: "I said hello, told her it was nice to meet her, and went on about my shopping. I did *not* storm off."
Dick: "I was just stopping to say hi. You could have waited a minute."
Roy: "Fine, I'm sorry."
Roy: Roy said without sounding very sorry.
Dick: "Honey, do you not like her?"
Roy: Roy couldn't look at Dick, "Can we just finish shopping and go home?" his skin was definitely the color of a ripe tomato under his tan and if he got any more upset his eyes would water. Dammit.
Roy: "Please? "
Dick: Dick sighed. "Fine," he said.
Roy: Roy kept pushing the cart, automatically putting things in, his previous good mood of a day off with Dick almost completely ruined. "Do you want any hamburgers this week?" he muttered.
Dick: "Sure," Dick said. "Hmm. I think we're out of orange juice."
Roy: "Okay. I'll go grab some." Roy handed over the cart- orange juice was on the other side of the store.
Dick: "Right," Dick said. "I guess I'll get the hamburgers, then."
Roy: "They're two aisles over." Roy pointed and headed through the Sunday Morning Madness.
Roy: "Oh." he stuck his head back into the aisle, "Get the meat, not the pre-prepped stuff."
Dick: "I know," Dick said. "And I'm not entirely incapable of navigating a grocery store, you know." He pushed the cart away. Clearly Annie had made Roy jealous. Which was stupid.
Roy: Roy retreated to go get the OJ, meeting up with Dick back at the cereal aisle a few minutes later. He put it in the cart and grabbed his pre-sorted packet of coupons and list. They had everything he figured... "Anything else?" he asked in a not-very-sweet-nor-happy tone.
Dick: "No, I think we're good," Dick said.
Roy: "Okay." Roy took the cart back and headed for the front of the store to checkout. He faced away from the tabloids, towards the women's magazines and workout and soap opera magazines. He didn't care who Angelina Jolie was doing this week.
Dick: Dick followed him and stood, arms crossed and lips closed tightly.
Roy: Roy unloaded the cart, paid, and grabbed roughly half the bags, "Can you get the rest?" he asked Dick.
Dick: Dick had already moved in to grab them. "Of course," he said.
Roy: "Thanks." Roy led the way to the car, and settled the things in the back and the back seat. He got in the drivers' seat and pulled out, the air still between them.
Dick: Dick glared at him. "You going to tell me what that was all about?"
Roy: Roy's hands tightened on the steering wheel, "I wasn't planning on it, no."
Dick: "If you're mad at me, I'd like to know why."
Roy: "I'm not mad." Roy could feel his ears turning red again.
Dick: "Oh, so you're acting snappish because you're that fucking happy?"
Roy: Roy's lips tightened and he didn't dare turn to look at Dick, "You started it."
Dick: "Care to explain how? Because I don't remember doing anything wrong!"
Roy: "Snapping at me at 'what was that all about'."
Dick: "You were already upset before then."
Roy: "I was *not*!"
Dick: "You were acting it!"
Roy: "Well I'm sorry then!"
Roy: Roy all but yelled.
Dick: "Don't be! Just tell me why you're mad!"
Roy: "I'm not mad so leave it the fuck alone, Richard!"
Dick: Dick blinked. Roy never called him Richard. "Fine," he said quietly. He opened the window and looked out. It was easier than looking at Roy.
Roy: Roy bit his lip and kept his face turned away, or down as they pulled into their parking spot and silently unloaded the car.
Roy: he wished Lian weren't having a play-day today. Or that Cissie weren't in Goth with Tim. He didn't *want* to spend the whole day miserable with Dick! ....which was his own fault he guessed. Dammit.
Dick: Dick started putting things in the fridge. He needed... he didn't know. Something. Roy to stop being mad. He finished putting the perishables, stood up, and slammed the fridge door. "Is it because she has red hair?" he asked.
Roy: Roy's back stiffened as Dick slammed the refrigerator, "It's that she's your type and wouldn't know professionality if it hit her with a rotting rabbit!"
Dick: "Did you ever think that just maybe I'm capable of keeping it professional myself? I'm in love with you!"
Roy: "With her all over you?" Roy snorted, "Dick I know you. You love people. You love loving, you love flirting, you love sex. It's who you are. I love you but goddamnit to fuck, I allowed to get jealous every now and then!" he yelled.
Dick: "Not when there's no fucking reason to get jealous!" Dick shouted. "She's my therapist! And she's hardly all over me! Goddammit, Roy! What do you want me to do?"
Roy: "I don't know!" Roy hollered back.
Dick: "Well, give me some idea of how I can fucking make this better!" Dick yelled. "I don't want to fight with you! I love you."
Dick: He cursed as his emergency ringtone went off. "Oracle's calling. Look, just... hold on."
Roy: "Fine." Roy said bitterly.
Dick: "I love you, dammit," Dick said. He picked up the phone. "This is a really bad time, O," he said.
Roy: He bit back a jealous urge that Dick was not talking to his ex. Wasn't this ALWAYS how it went? Babs would call and Dick would go back to her. "I love you too." he said and that hurt because it was true.
Dick: Dick listened to Barbara tell him about the hundreds of agents readying assault on the clocktower and bit back a curse. "I'll be there," he said. "Do you have some sort of escape plan?"
Roy: Roy swallowed hard and went to put away more groceries, setting out two protein bars and a bottle of water for Dick.
Dick: "Fuck," Dick said. He started pulling on his costume. "I'm coming, Babs. Be there ASAP."
Roy: "Bye." Roy said, "Your lunch is on the counter and you may as well use the transporter."
Dick: "She is? Dammit. Should I bring Roy, then?" Dick said into his phone. "Thanks," he told Roy. "And they're blocked around the clocktower." He listened to Barbara. "Cheshire's there, you know. We could use your help."
Roy: "Chesh is where?" Roy's fingers slipped on a jar of spaghetti sauce, which he caught on his foot and flipped back up into his hands.
Dick: "Going after Oracle in the Watchtower." Dick put on his mask. "Where the hell did I leave my utility belt?"
Roy: "In the bedroom."
Roy: Roy grabbed his gear, the rest of the stuff could wait.
Dick: Dick ran and grabbed it. "Okay," he said. "We need the closest one over a quarter of a mile away."
Roy: "Set it."
Dick: "Better if we go from the garage. We can take my bike."
Roy: "Fine." Roy said, strapping on his longerbow and hooking gunbelts around his waist.
Dick: Dick pulled on his boots and gloves. "Let's go." He started heading down to the garage.
Roy: Roy followed, still pissed, very worried, and extremely upset.
Roy: He pushed that away as he got on the bike, though. It was his job to do this and personal life didn't touch the Job.
Dick: Dick set the coordinates and drove through into Goth. Quarter of a mile was barely anything. Especially at the speeds he liked to use.
Then they fought to help Oracle and we didn't actually play that out. But somewhere along the line, couple's therapy was brought up.
Dick: Dick: I DON'T NEED MORE THERAPY, DAMMIT!
Roy: Roy: *folds arms*
Dick: Dick: Got into enough trouble with just the single person therapy.
Roy: Roy: I *said* sorry.
Dick: Dick: It's okay. But still. Do we need to do this?
Roy: Roy: It's up to you.
Dick: Dick: *sigh* I love you. I don't want to fight with you.
Roy: Roy: I love you too, and I want what's best for you. Even if that's not me.
Dick: Dick: It is you.
Roy: Roy: then why I not ever enough for you, Dick?
Dick: Dick: You are enough! I was just too blind to see it for too long!
Roy: Roy: And you're still looking.
Roy: Roy: Though I appreciate it that you haven't touched. Thanks.
Dick: Dick: Yes. I'm staying faithful. I'm not going to touch anyone else.
Roy: Roy: If you want to it's okay. Well, it's not okay, but I understand.
Dick: Dick: ...maybe we should do couples therapy. I don't want to cheat on you. I don't want to hurt you. I want the two of us to be together and be happy.
Dick: Dick: I told you I wasn't leaving.
Roy: Roy: I love you. And I want to be happy. And I want you to be happy.
Roy: Roy: And I don't want you to cheat on me. I'd rather you left me or did an open relationship than cheated on me.
Roy: Roy: and you've never technically cheated on *me*. You cheated *with* me.
Roy: Roy mutters: oh, the perils of being the 'other woman'.
Dick: Dick: I'm sorry. I know. I... goddammit, I've been awful.
Roy: Roy: No, stop it. Okay? It's done. Stop. I know you are.
Dick: But I'm not going to cheat. I don't want... you wouldn't be happy in an open relationship. I... I don't think I would be, either.
Roy: Roy shrugged, "If it was what you wanted I could make myself deal with it. And somehow explain it to Lian."
Dick: "It isn't what I want," Dick said. "God, I - I wouldn't want anyone else touching you. I know I'm a damn hypocrite and it's terrible. But I don't think I want that for myself, either. I just want you."
Roy: "Well, actually *I* wouldn't be sleeping with anyone else..." Roy said with a shrug, "And you're not a hypocrite, you're you."
Roy: "If we were in Winnie the Pooh I'd be Kanga and you'd be Tigger." Roy smiled a little.
Roy: "And you're not allowed to call me Kanga, or repeat that. Ever."
Dick: Dick didn't smile, or look at Roy. "I just want us to be happy together."
Roy: Roy's smile faded, "I'm sorry. I do too. And I ruined it this time, I'm sorry."
Dick: "You didn't!" Dick looked up and reached for Roy's hands. "We can still make it work."
Roy: Roy curled his hand around Dick's, leaning into him, "I want to." he said softly. "Just I know it was me and my stupidness that racked us up this time."
Dick: Dick kissed their entwined hands. "It's not your fault. I should have... I don't know. Don't blame yourself."
Roy: "Let's say the blame is mutual.'
Dick: "That sounds fair." Dick tilted his head up and brushed Roy's lips with his tentatively.
Roy: Roy kissed him softly.
Roy: Roy sighed, pulling back, "Maybe we shouldn't always fix things with sex?" he asked, petting Dick's lips gently.
Dick: Dick kept his eyes closed. "What do you want to do?"
Roy: "I don't even know." Roy said, carding a hand through Dick's hair, "What do you wanna do?"
Dick: "I don't know either." Dick leaned into Roy's touch. "Maybe therapy is a good idea."
Roy: "Probably." Roy sighed, petting Dick's hair soothingly.
Dick: "I don't want to go. We have too many secrets."
Roy: "We can go to J'onn."
Roy: "Tim does."
Dick: "He's so busy. He can't have time for every superhero couple that needs help."
Roy: "You won't know 'til you ask."
Dick: "I'm sure he'd say yes. I just don't know if we should ask."
Roy: "Fine. It's up to you."
Dick: "We can. I don't know. A few sessions, maybe."
Roy: "Okay." Roy said.
Dick: Dick leaned on his shoulder. "I do love you, you know," he said.
Roy: "I know." Roy hugged him, "I love you, too. You know I do."
Dick: "I do know you do. Oh, Roy." Dick kissed him lightly. "I don't ever want to hurt you."
Roy: "I know, babe." Roy kissed him, "I know you never want to."
Dick: "And I'll do everything I can not to," Dick promised.
Roy: Roy kissed him softly, "I know you will." he said quietly, "You're a good man, Dick Grayson. And I love you."
Dick: Dick held him close. "I love you too. And thanks."
Roy: "Mmm." Roy carded a hand through Dick's hair.
Dick: Dick tucked his head on Roy's shoulder and kissed his ear, wrapping his arms around Roy's shoulders.
Roy: Roy wrapped his arms around Dick and settled him onto his lap.
Dick: Dick nipped at Roy's neck.
Roy: "Dick..." Roy said softly.
Dick: Dick kissed him firmly.
Roy: Roy kissed him back gently.
Dick: Dick tangled a hand in Roy's hair and trailed the other hand down his back.
Roy: Roy rubbed Dick's back firmly, petting him.
Dick: Dick closed his eyes and pushed his hand under the hem of Roy's shirt.
Roy: Roy sighed softly, "Dick... what do you want?" he asked as he continued to stroke Dick's back and shoulders and down the outside of Dick's leg.
Dick: Dick stopped and leaned against Roy again. "I don't know."
Roy: "We've had a long day. Why don't we go to bed and snuggle, hmm?" Roy suggested, "Lord knows I could go for just being warm and held onto."
Dick: Dick nodded. "We can do that. Snuggling's always nice."
Roy: "It is." Roy shifted his grip on Dick and carried him to their bedroom, laying him down and smiling at him, getting in beside him.
Dick: Dick curled around him. "I love you, Roy," he said.
Roy: "I love you too." Roy kissed his forehead.
Dick: Dick ran his thumb over Roy's cheek and smiled.
Roy: "You're beautiful." Roy told him softly.
Dick: "So are you," Dick said. "My beautiful archer."
Roy: "Mm." Roy kissed Dick's palm gently, "You're so much more beautiful than I."
Dick: "Don't sell yourself short. You're gorgeous." Dick pulled Roy towards him by the chin and kissed him lightly.
Roy: "Mm." Roy chuckled.
Roy: "Not so gorgeous as you." Roy said honestly, taking Dick's small, square hand, "You're... so light." Roy said, shrugging a shoulder, the muscle ripping beneath his skin, "And your skin's like gold, or warm tea."
Dick: Dick smiled at him. "You just don't see how beautiful you are." He ran his hand gently over the muscles in Roy's arms.
Roy: "No?" Roy asked, flexing beneath Dick's gentle touch. He loved it when Dick petted him, the feel of a hand stroking over his skin.
Dick: Dick reached Roy's tattoo and traced it with a finger. "Maybe handsome is a better word. But in any case. You're sexy."
Roy: Roy shivered as Dick traced the markings on his arm, "Well thank you." he chuckled lowly, "Beautiful fits you."
Dick: "Thank you." Dick flashed a smile and kissed Roy.
Roy: Roy chuckled and his hand carded into Dick's hair, massaging his scalp gently.
Dick: Dick broke the kiss and settled half on top of Roy.
Roy: Roy smiled up at him, letting his hand slide down his arm and settle on Dick's hip.
Dick: Dick kissed his collar bone and smiled into Roy's neck.
Roy: Roy pulled the blankets up over them both. "Should get some sleep."
Dick: Dick nodded. "I love you," he said again.
Roy: "I love you too." Roy whispered again. "Now, go to sleep."
Dick: Dick nodded and closed his eyes.
Roy: Roy sighed softly and went to sleep.
Dick: Dick stayed awake longer, just listening to Roy breathe and thinking.
Roy: Roy held Dick close in his sleep, content enough.
So they decided to go! But not to J'onn. Just to a random woman.
Roy: Roy sighed, looking around the cheerful and tastefully easternly decorated doctors' office. It reminded him of Jade, actually, and he quashed THAT thought. Dick was being his usual squirmy self beside him.
Dick: Dick didn't like this. It was too close. And he didn't really want to talk to some stranger about the things that were wrong between him and Roy. He shifted uncomfortably. "Are we sure this is a good idea?" he muttered.
Roy: "If you want to leave, we can." Roy said for the twentieth time.
Dick: Dick made an unhappy noise and leaned on Roy's shoulder. "When will she be here? I want to get it over with."
Roy: "'Nother five minutes." Roy said patiently, putting an arm around Dick.
Roy: "If you really don't want to do this we can leave now."
Dick: "I'll be fine." Dick took Roy's hand and played with his fingers. "I'm just...not sure."
Roy: "Not sure about what?" Roy asked.
Dick: "This, all of it, telling a stranger our problems. We have a lot of secrets we can't share."
Roy: Roy tilted his head back, sighing, "I told you we should just go to J'onn."
Dick: "I know. I just know he's busy."
Roy: "Yeah. Or maybe we could have gone to someone in the JLA. They're retired."
Roy: "Or, Hell, ALFRED." Roy grumbled.
Dick: "Okay, okay, it wasn't the best plan."
Roy: "It's okay." Roy said, "We're going to be honest though. At least about MY job."
Dick: "Fine. But we can't be honest about my job."
Roy: "Fine." Roy closed his eyes, "Whatever you want." he leaned his head back. Whenever she wanted to show up now would be good.
Dick: The therapist walked into the room. "Hello, I'm Dr. Rose Miller." She sat down in front of them. "Roy Harper and Dick Grayson, right?"
Roy: "Yep." Roy nodded, giving her a small smile.
Dick: Dick held Roy's hand and gave a tight nod. "Hi," he said.
Roy: Roy squeezed Dick's hand gently, reassuringly.
Roy: "So. Can you tell me why you're here today? The rules are simple. Listen, don't interrupt, don't accuse, and don't point fingers. You have to value each other and each others' input. all right? Dick, why don't you start?"
Dick: Dick looked down at his and Roy's hand, not meeting her eyes. "Because I've been a cheating bastard in the past."
Roy: She nodded, "Roy, why are you here today?"
Roy: Roy hesitated, "Because I can't seem to make this work." he said slowly.
Roy: "I see." she nodded, "Roy, do you love Dick? Do you want this to work or can you not forgive him for cheating on you?"
Dick: "I didn't cheat on him," Dick muttered.
Roy: "I want this to work." Roy said immediately, "I just can't believe he's happy with me."
Roy: To her credit, her eyebrows did not go up, "Dick, you cheated... with Roy?"
Dick: Dick nodded tersely.
Roy: "So you left your partner permanently to be with Roy?"
Dick: "It's more complicated than that," Dick said.
Roy: "Why don't you explain it to me?" she asked pleasantly.
Dick: Dick did not immediately snap something about it not being her business. It was her business. "He's been my best friend forever. We've had on-and-off affairs for a long time."
Roy: "Aaah. did you go to high school together?"
Roy: "We shared social circles." Roy explained, "We met when we were about twelve. I fell in love." he shrugged.
Dick: "Took me a little longer." Dick gave Roy a half-smile.
Roy: "How did that make you feel, Roy?" Rose asked, "That you loved him and he didn't love you?"
Dick: "I did love him," Dick clarified. "Just... not in the se way."
Roy: "Dick, don't interrupt." Rose said gently.
Dick: Dick looked down. "Sorry."
Roy: Roy shrugged, "I... figured he never would. I took what he'd give me, even though I knew I was helping him cheat on someone else. I was young." he said sheepishly.
Roy: "So you feel guilty about him sleeping with you, thus 'helping him cheat'?" Rose asked, and Roy nodded. He felt terrible, now, AND then. "do you think that guilt might be tainting your relationship, now that you do 'have him'?"
Roy: Roy swallowed hard and nodded again. "Thank you for being honest. Dick... when you cheated with Roy, why did you pick him? I'm not wrong in thinking you could have slept with someone else if your relationship was unfulfilling."
Dick: Dick shrugged. "I didn't really think about it," he said softly. "He's my best friend, and he wanted me. And I love him."
Roy: "Did you want him or was it that he wanted you and you didn't want to disappoint him? You cared for him."
Dick: "Of course I wanted him!" Dick said. "He's gorgeous!"
Roy: "And who you were with wasn't physically appealing to you?"
Dick: Dick looked up at her, disbelieving. "Are you kidding? She's amazing. Of course she was appealing." He wasn't sure it was possible to not be attracted to Kory, and Barbara was... Barbara.
Roy: "Then explain to me why you would go cheat with your best friend you didn't love?"
Dick: Dick shrugged. He held Roy's hand tightly and didn't answer.
Roy: Rose looked at Roy, "Did you ask or did he come of his own accord?" they were *complicated*!
Roy: "He always came of his own accord." Roy said softly, "I didn't ask."
Dick: "I didn't think," Dick said quietly, barely over a whisper. "I just... he was there."
Roy: "Hmm." She nodded, "Has he always been there?"
Dick: Dick nodded. "I don't deserve him."
Roy: "Now that type of talk has to stop." she said firmly. "Relationships aren't about deserving. They're about love. You keep saying that and he might believe you. Though I'll bet Roy feels the se way." Roy nodded.
Dick: "What?" Dick looked at Roy.
Roy: Roy looked at Dick, "What?" he asked.
Dick: "About you feeling the se way?"
Roy: "I don't deserve you."
Dick: "What do you mean?"
Roy: "I mean I don't feel like I deserve you." Roy repeated.
Roy: Rose sat back to let them talk.
Dick: "How can you think that?" Dick said.
Roy: "It's true!" Roy said, "You're.... you're *you*. and I'm *me*, and I don't deserve you."
Dick: Dick shook his head. "You're so much better than me, though. You're never the one who's unfaithful. You're you."
Roy: "I've just made the biggest screwups possible." Roy said, "Granted, one got me my daughter so that one doesn't count. But the others do and I screwed up *so* many times. And then there was the whole thing with *Grace*."
Dick: "Yeah, I've screwed up too," Dick said. "You've got Grace, I've got Kyle, Helena, Cheyenne, Jimmy, and let's not forget how I screwed up so spectacularly with Kory and Babs! And that's just on a relationship level."
Roy: "Yeah well you never shot yourself full of shit on purpose, so I think I win."
Roy: Rose blinked. It was rare to have *two* self-loathing patients.
Dick: Dick couldn't argue that. "I'm sorry," he said. "But that was a long time ago. And you did get through it."
Roy: "Yeah, because I got dragged kicking and screaming." Roy said, and Rose raised a hand.
Roy: "Enough." she said firmly, "Stop wallowing."
Dick: "Sorry," Dick said again. He squeezed Roy's hand.
Roy: Roy nodded, "Me too."
Roy: She nodded, smiling, "I think the root of your issues is that you love each other... and hate yourselves. You can't love someone if you hate yourself."
Dick: "I can sure as hell try," Dick muttered.
Roy: "You should try and love yourself, like your partner loves you." she said, "Tell me. You think Roy's a pretty great person, don't you?"
Dick: Dick nodded. "He's amazing."
Roy: "You know he loves you?"
Dick: Dick glanced at Roy and nodded.
Roy: "Do you think he'd love someone who was less than amazing themselves for so long?"
Dick: Dick bit back an automatic 'he does' and just shrugged.
Roy: Roy covered his face with a hand, "Only because she's Lian's mom..." he moaned.
Dick: Dick squeezed his hand again.
Roy: Rose felt a trifle out of depth, like she was missing a large piece of the pie, "Dick... you trust Roy, don't you?"
Dick: "With my life," Dick said automatically.
Roy: "Then trust him to be right about you. Even if you don't trust yourself."
Dick: Dick thought about that. "I don't know."
Roy: "Why not?"
Dick: "I don't think he'd stop loving me no matter what I did."
Roy: Rose nodded, "Partners are like that."
Dick: "I guess," Dick said.
Dick: She turned to Roy. "Do you think Dick is going to cheat on you?"
Roy: Roy swallowed hard, "I..." he looked at Dick, "No. Not intentionally."
Dick: Rose raised an eyebrow. "Not intentionally? What do you mean?"
Roy: "Dick's..." Roy waved a hand, "He's *Dick*. Bouncy, loving, and...." he shrugged helplessly, "He loves people." he muttered, "A little too much."
Dick: Dick frowned and held Roy's hand possessively. "I won't."
Dick: "Has there been anyone you suspected he'd had an affair with?" Rose asked.
Roy: "No." Roy said.
Dick: "Except Annie," Dick muttered.
Dick: "Annie?"
Roy: Roy gritted his teeth, "Dick's therapist." he muttered.
Dick: "Former therapist," Dick said. "I decided to get a new one."
Dick: "Why?"
Dick: Dick shrugged. "She made us fight. We didn't need that tension."
Roy: Roy knew where this was going. "Because I was an ass."
Dick: "What happened?"
Roy: "We saw her at the grocery store and she flirted with Dick who flirted back." Roy sighed, not meeting their eyes.
Dick: "I didn't really know I was flirting," Dick said. "I thought we were just talking."
Roy: "You flirt like you breathe." Roy smiled a little, "It's endearing."
Dick: "But you're the only one I'm with!" Dick said.
Roy: "I know that." Roy said unhappily.
Dick: "Do you notice him flirting with other people than this therapist?"
Roy: "We don't get out together. So no."
Dick: "Hm." Rose made a mental note about that. "So how did seeing him flirt with Annie make you feel?"
Roy: "Angry." Roy said, "Sick. Hurt."
Roy: "Really scared."
Dick: "Scared?"
Roy: "Scared."
Dick: "Why? Did you think he'd sleep with her?"
Dick: "I wouldn't," Dick said.
Dick: "Dick, no interruptions, please," Rose said.
Dick: Dick looked down again and squeezed Roy's hand.
Roy: Roy's hand tightened on Dick's, his face flushing.
Dick: Dick frowned. "Roy?"
Roy: Roy looked at him quickly and then away, then met his eyes again unhappily. He was *sorry*, already!
Dick: Dick made a quiet, hurt noise.
Roy: Roy refused to let his eyes fill, letting his hand tightened again, his thumb petting Dick's wrist. He was *sorry*!
Dick: "I see," Rose said carefully. "Do you feel better now that Dick isn't going to her anymore?"
Roy: "No."
Dick: "Why not?"
Roy: Roy shrugged. "Because I know I was overreacting and now I feel like shit."
Dick: "It's okay," Dick said. "I've never given you a reason to trust me. I just wish I knew it could happen at some point."
Roy: "It's *not* okay!" Roy snapped.
Dick: Rose sat back to let them talk.
Dick: "Roy..." Dick said quietly.
Roy: Roy looked at him mutely, "I didn't mean to." he said miserably.
Dick: "I know."
Roy: "It's just I... I took you away from them and what's to stop someone taking you away from me and being happier with someone else? You were happier when I wasn't regularly in your life." Roy said unhappily.
Dick: "You didn't take me away from them," Dick said. "That was... there was a lot. I mean Kory even knew. But she's Kory."
Roy: "Yeah, she's Kory." Roy sighed, "I felt like I did."
Dick: "That's because you weren't there."
Roy: "What?"
Dick: "Well, you were there for Kory. The wedding just failed, and we didn't try again. And Barbara, well... that's complicated. But it also wasn't you. I screwed those up all on my own."
Roy: That hadn't been what Roy meant, but that'd do.
Roy: Roy sighed, "I'm sorry. I'll try and do better about the jealousy thing."
Dick: "Thank you," Dick said. "I can try to stop flirting."
Roy: "You shouldn't have to." Roy said, "It's your nature, I know that."
They finished, but we were lazy and didn't play it out. Cut to awkward drive home! Also, Warning, THAR BE PORN AHEAD!
Roy: Roy's hands all but clutched the steering wheel as he drove home from their therapists visit. He hadn't realized it was possible to feel more like a douche than he had. Apparently, it was.
Dick: Dick didn't look at Roy. He wasn't really happy about the whole thing. He felt awful. Roy probably felt awful. He didn't even know if it had helped.
Roy: Roy pulled the car into the garage and stopped it, staring at the wheel blankly, park, and ignition off.
Dick: "You okay?" Dick asked.
Roy: "Fine." Roy said tiredly, "You?"
Dick: "Yeah, fine," Dick said, looking at his lap.
Roy: Roy leaned his head against the window, staring listlessly at the garage wall. He probably should get out. He just didn't want to.
Dick: "Roy..." Dick unbuckled his seatbelt and reached for his hand. "Maybe we shouldn't go back. I mean, we both feel worse. That can't be good, right?"
Roy: "Maybe you have to feel worse to feel better?" Roy's fingers wound through Dick's. "I mean... we always just cover over shit, like it never happened, or like it doesn't matter."
Dick: Dick shrugged. "It's worked so far. I don't know."
Roy: "It hasn't really worked." Roy said, "And it's gonna bite us in the ass. It already has..." he sighed, "I don't know."
Dick: "I know that, I guess." Dick squeezed Roy's hand. "I don't like talking to strangers about us."
Roy: "Yeah, I know. but I'm starting to feel like we have to talk to *somebody*."
Dick: "Maybe. I don't know. I hate this."
Roy: "I do too." Roy agreed, pulling Dick into his side to pet his hair. "Maybe we should just talk to each other." he muttered into Dick's hair.
Dick: "Like talking to you better than her," Dick muttered. He leaned on Roy's shoulder and sighed.
Roy: "I definitely like talking to you better than her." Roy agreed. "Although I think we *were* talking to each other. She just was asking the questions."
Dick: Dick gave a half shrug and closed his eyes. "Do we need the questions?"
Roy: "Maybe?" Roy said, "I don't know. Do we?"
Roy: "We need something. Because something is wrong." Roy said sadly.
Dick: Dick made an unhappy noise. "I don't like things being wrong."
Roy: "Nobody does." Roy said, "I don't."
Dick: Dick sat up, though he kept holding Roy's hand. "Maybe we can try talking without her."
Roy: Roy smiled at him, "Yeah?" he said, brushing Dick's hair out of his face, cupping his cheek for a second.
Dick: Dick closed his eyes briefly. "Yeah."
Roy: "I think that'd be a good idea." Roy said softly.
Roy: "And if we do need more therapy, we go to J'onn."
Dick: Dick nodded. "I guess."
Roy: "So..." Roy said hesitantly, "Do you want to talk, like, now? Or just go do...whatever we were going to do today."
Dick: "I don't know." Dick leaned back in his seat. "I don't really have any plans. The new job doesn't start until next Monday."
Roy: "Oh?" Roy said, "I hadn't heard about it? And I was just planning on going in and cleaning then lying down 'til Lian was out of school."
Dick: Dick blinked. "Did I forget to tell you? I've been so distracted... I was hired at a gym. Teaching kids gymnastics. If there's interest, I might teach trapeze to some of the older kids."
Roy: "That sounds great, Dick." Roy smiled, "And it sounds like it'll keep your attention."
Dick: Dick grinned. "If anything can..."
Roy: "That's what I figured." Roy said wryly.
Dick: Dick opened the car door, but didn't get out. "We could cuddle on the couch and chat."
Roy: "That sounds good." Roy agreed, opening his car door as well, putting a foot out.
Dick: Dick smiled and got out of the car. He opened the door and held it for Roy.
Roy: Roy followed him and took his hand as they went up to their apartment.
Dick: Dick squeezed his hand and pulled him to the couch.
Roy: Roy got on and spread his legs for Dick to lie up against him as he leaned back on the couch.
Dick: Dick flopped onto Roy and curled on his chest, his ear next to Roy's heart. "So."
Roy: Roy wrapped a leg around Dick's and smiled, folding his arms around Dick's chest, "So."
Dick: Dick sighed. "I love you. You know that, right? And I don't want to hurt you. Ever."
Roy: "I know." Roy nodded, holding him.
Dick: "Good. And I won't cheat on you."
Roy: "I'm.... having a harder time wit that."
Dick: "I've noticed." Dick traced random patterns on Roy's chest. "I don't know how I can regain your trust."
Roy: "It's not about me trusting you." Roy said miserably, "It's about... Dick, I don't trust *me*."
Dick: "You don't... why? You're not the one with the history of unfaithfulness."
Roy: "I know, but..." Roy frowned, "I just can't see myself making you happy. Not long term."
Dick: Dick frowned too. "Why not?"
Roy: "I just can't." Roy shrugged helplessly, "I mean... I was on the side for you for so long I kinda figure you'll get tired of me and move on. It's like... people like chili on their fries, but not as a main dish."
Roy: "And you left *kory* and *Babs*, Dick, and you loved them. You adored them. I'm not in their leagues."
Dick: "I don't compare you to them," Dick said. "You're all different. If you're not in their league, it's only because you're playing a different sport. And I... I can't screw up again."
Roy: Roy petted Dick's hair to soothe himself, swallowing hard, "I just feel like it's... I love you." he said softly, "and I don't want to lose you, so it makes me hold on much too tightly."
Dick: "It's not too tight," Dick said. "And I don't want to lose you either, Speedy. I mean, even if we weren't lovers... you're my best friend. I couldn't really live without you."
Roy: "I couldn't live without you, either." Roy told him.
Dick: Dick tilted his head up and kissed his chin. "I love you."
Roy: roy kissed him lightly, "Love you, too."
Dick: Dick reached up and touched Roy's face lightly. "Do you think we'll be okay?"
Roy: Roy kissed his palm, "If love and trying can make us okay, then yeah."
Dick: "Right." Dick traced Roy's lips with his thumb.
Roy: "Do you think we'll be okay?"
Dick: Dick smiled. "Yeah. I think we will be."
Roy: "Good." Roy kissed Dick's thumb.
Dick: Dick shifted a little. "I guess if we just talk about issues when they come up or something?"
Roy: "I guess that works." roy nodded.
Dick: "Good." Dick pulled Roy into a tender kiss.
Roy: Roy kissed him gently, lightly.
Dick: Dick wrapped his arms around Roy and put his head down on his shoulder again with a small sigh.
Roy: Roy smiled and held him contentedly. "I did NOT like her."
Dick: Dick laughed. "The therapist? Me neither."
Roy: "Could be worse though I guess," Roy mused, "She could have been, 'and how is your sex life'?"
Dick: Dick laughed. "Oh god. At least we know that's healthy." He kissed Roy's cheek.
Roy: "Yes it most certainly is." Roy leered.
Dick: Dick kissed him. "We have really great sex."
Roy: "That we certainly do." Roy nodded, "And we do that rather well I think."
Dick: "We definitely do."
Roy: "I think we need a honeymoon." Roy said idly.
Dick: Dick gave him a curious look. "A honeymoon?"
Roy: "Yeah. You, me, desert island. No work, no bills, no kids, lord love 'em..."
Dick: "Oooh, that sounds amazing."
Roy: "Doesn't it." Roy sighed.
Dick: "Maybe we should. We could see if Dinah would take Lian for a week, or Cissie or Tim or someone and just go."
Roy: "We should, but it'd be irresponsible." Roy pointed out.
Dick: "I know." Dick sighed. "It's would be fun, though."
Roy: "It would be relaxing... something you need, oh sleepless one." Roy told Dick.
Dick: Dick rolled his eyes. "I sleep."
Roy: "Not enough."
Roy: "And restlessly."
Dick: Dick shrugged.
Dick: "With our luck an alien invasion would land on top of the island anyway."
Roy: "Yeah. And you just deflected. What's wrong?"
Dick: "I've just been having trouble falling asleep. It's nothing big."
Roy: "Why?" Roy asked, stroking Dick's stomach.
Dick: "I don't know. My mind won't stop thinking."
Roy: "What about? Anything in particular? and would goodnight sex help?" Roy smirked a little.
Dick: Dick laughed. "I'd never complain about a little goodnight sex. I have no doubt that'd help."
Roy: "Well then." Roy said, "Before bed, if I'm not awake, wake me up and we'll have a round before I go to sleep." he smiled at Dick, "Of course, if I'm really sleepy, you'll have to top."
Dick: "Mmm. I think I can deal with that hardship." Dick kissed his nose.
Roy: Roy chuckled, "I'm sure you can too."
Dick: "Mmm. Hadn't we mentioned something about tying you up again?"
Roy: "Yesss..." Roy said.
Dick: Dick nipped his jaw. "It was fun."
Roy: "Yes it was." Roy agreed, tilting his head back, "It was a damn good fuck."
Dick: "Mmm." Dick scraped his teeth against Roy's stubble. "Was amazing. You felt so good. Always do."
Roy: "Mmm." Roy chuckled, "You do, too. You felt amazing... sometimes I wish you topped more often. 'Cause damn, I love feeling you in me."
Dick: "All you have to do is ask, babe. I do like topping, you know. Love having you inside me, but either way is amazing."
Roy: Roy nuzzled Dick's ear, "And I love being in you, too." he purred, "I just love having sex with you. You're amazing."
Dick: "So're you," Dick tweaked one of Roy's nipples through his shirt. "It's always great with us."
Roy: "Yes, it is." Roy agreed.
Dick: Dick kissed him.
Roy: Roy kissed him back, threading his fingers through Dick's hair.
Dick: Dick ran his hands over Roy's shoulder and cupped his neck in his hands.
Roy: Roy hummed appreciatively and kissed him again, warmly.
Dick: Dick smiled against Roy's mouth and ran his toes down Roy's leg.
Roy: "Hey!" Roy chuckled, "Tickles!"
Dick: Dick's eyes twinkled and he moved a hand to tickle Roy's ribs.
Roy: "AGH!" Roy squirmed, "No! AAAAGHHH, Dick!!!"
Dick: Dick laughed and pushed Roy's shirt up for better access. He blew a raspberry on Roy's stomach.
Roy: "Eeeek!" Roy giggled, "stop it'
Dick: Dick giggled and licked the underside of his ribcage. "Better?"
Roy: "Mmm.... marginally." Roy chuckled.
Dick: Dick bit down.
Roy: "Aaaaaah!" Roy arched into Dick's mouth, "Much better!"
Dick: Dick kissed the bite and ran his hands up Roy's sides. He sucked hickeys into Roy's chest.
Roy: Roy's fingers threaded through Dick's hair and he whimpered as Dick sucked at sensitive skin, considerately staying far enough away from the scars to not trouble him.
Dick: "So good," Dick murmured against his skin. He nipped lightly, just under Roy's arm, then licked.
Roy: Roy shivered, "Holy fuck, Dick."
Dick: Dick smacked his thigh. "Was that a Robin joke?"
Roy: "No." Roy said, eyes dark with lust.
Dick: "Good." Dick smiled and licked his collar bone, pushing his shirt up further. Hmm. "How much do you like this shirt?"
Roy: "Not a whole lot." Roy said, his fingers lost in Dick's sleek black hair.
Dick: Dick tore it off in one clean motion. "I didn't like it much either," he said, licking Roy's now-exposed neck.
Roy: Roy arched up to Dick, groaning softly, "Dick...."
Dick: Dick palmed him lightly through his pants. "Yes...?"
Roy: Roy bit his lip, rolling his hips into Dick's hand, "Damn, that's good." he said softly, moving so his leg was between Dick's legs.
Dick: "Does," Dick agreed. He grinned and ground down against Roy's leg, moaning softly. "Fuck."
Roy: "That'd be good." Roy agreed, groaning.
Dick: Dick bit Roy's shoulder, then unbuttoned Roy's pants. "We need to be more naked," he said.
Roy: "That'd be nice." Roy chuckled, tugging Dick's pants open and down.
Dick: Dick nodded and sat back on Roy's legs. He pulled his shirt off slowly, showing himself off just a little.
Roy: Roy looked up at him with lusty eyes, petting up Dick's lean sides, "You're so fuckin' beautiful." he whispered.
Dick: Dick leaned down and kissed him. "So're you, my sexy archer." He pushed Roy's pants down and laughed. "No underwear?" he ghosted a kiss over Roy's cock.
Roy: "Mmm.... didn't feel like it." Roy tried to press up to Dick's mouth, "Was a nice day."
Dick: Dick moved his mouth and flicked his tongue against Roy's cock. "Patience, honey." He got up and went to find the lube, kicking his pants off as he went.
Roy: Dick walking away was nearly as good as Dick up on him and Roy palmed his cock, "Fuck... you know how bad I at patience."
Dick: Dick poked his head out of the bedroom. "Hey! No touching! That's my job!"
Roy: Roy whimpered, "Diiiiiiick!" he took his hand away though.
Dick: "It'll be worth it in the eeeend!" Dick sang back. He grabbed the lube and walked back. "Hey, sexy."
Roy: "I knowwww..." Roy grinned and leaned up to kiss Dick "Hiii."
Dick: Dick kissed him. "Mmm." He gave Roy's cock a gentle squeeze... too light, he knew.
Roy: Roy tossed his head, "Dn." he hissed, "Dick!"
Dick: "Roy," Dick moaned back. He pulled one of Roy's legs over his shoulder and slicked a finger. "Ready?"
Roy: "Always." Roy panted.
Dick: Dick pushed his finger into Roy slowly.
Roy: Roy arched and gasped, "Di-iiick."
Dick: Dick wrapped his other hand firmly around Roy's cock and kissed his knee. "Just tell me when you want more."
Roy: "Dick, more." he pressed into Dick's hand.
Dick: Dick nodded and pushed a second finger in. "Better?"
Roy: "Mmm... mmm-hmmm." Roy's eyes rolled back ,"Fuck yeah. Like that."
Dick: Dick jerked Roy off in time with his fingers. "Feel so good, babe." He scissored his fingers.
Roy: Roy shuddered and bucked up "Yeah. Fuck, Dick, harder!" he groaned.
Dick: Dick slipped a third finger in.
Roy: Roy keened softly, "Diiiiiiiiiick..." he licked his lips, rolling his hip slowly, rutting himself on Dick's hand. "You want this?" he tightened himself around Dick's fingers. "Do you?"
Dick: "So badly," Dick gasped. He twisted his fingers. "Fuck, Roy."
Roy: "Yeah." Roy bit his lip, "C'mon... fuck me a'ready."
Dick: Dick grinned and leaned forward to kiss him, keeping his fingers inside him. Then he pulled them out and positioned himself under Roy.
As per usual we didn't finish. We are lazy like that. Cut to next therapy session!
Roy: Roy decided this was the most evil chair in the world. Easily.
Dick: Dick looked around, everywhere, but at Roy. Their knees were touching, though, and that was comforting.
Roy: The therapist did not sigh, but she shifted in her chair. At least they wouldn't need a divorce attorney... "Why don't we talk about guilt today." she said. That was generally a good topic.
Roy: Roy's head snapped up and he stared at her. Why did she have to pick on HIM?
Dick: Dick stared very firmly at the floor. He had a lot of guilt, though most of it he couldn't mention, of course.
Roy: "Let's start with
Roy: ... Dick."
Dick: Dick's head snapped up. "What?"
Roy: "Let's start with you. What do you feel guilty about? And is there something you think your partner should feel guilty about?"
Dick: "Roy shouldn't feel guilty about anything. I'm the one who strays."
Roy: "All right. Let's talk about that guilt." she had thought that that would be the best way to open Mr. Grayson's tough nut.
Dick: Dick shrugged. "I didn't really think about it."
Roy: "Then take a moment, and think about it now."
Dick: "What about it?"
Roy: "Is there anything you feel guilty about?"
Dick: Dick shrugged. "Of course. Lots of things."
Roy: "Share with your partner."
Roy: she moved her hand towards Roy, who looked at Dick steadily, completely expecting him to not say anything. "I'll go first." he said, knowing otherwise Dick would just dig his heels in.
Dick: Dick looked up at him.
Roy: "I feel guilty about lots of things. Doing drugs, and all attached to that, my job, sleeping with Jade... not too guilty there actually. "
Roy: "What about with your partner." she asked. Damn, foiled. Mr. Grayson perhaps didn't want to be here...?
Roy: "With Dick?" Roy looked at Dick and reached for a lie, nothing, "I hate myself for sleeping with him when he was with Kory and Barbara." he blurted.
Dick: "That wasn't your fault," Dick said quickly.
Roy: "Yes it most certainly was." Roy said, "i could've said no. Just made it into what you always said it was, just hanging out."
Dick: "And I didn't have to take advantage of the fact that I knew you wouldn't!"
Roy: "You didn't take advantage, don't be ridiculous. "roy snorted.
Roy: "If anybody was asking for it, it was me."
Dick: "And I was in a relationship. I"
Dick: "shouldn't have done anything. I should have had more self control."
Roy: The therapist raised a hand, "Is that true, that Roy asked you to stray, Dick?" she could very much tell it wasn't. "Whose idea was it, the first time?"
Roy: "Kinda just happened, the first time." Roy said hesitantly.
Dick: "We didn't really talk about it," Dick said.
Roy: "I see. You didn't really... talk.... about it." she nodded as if that were very very important.
Dick: Dick curled his foot around Roy's and didn't say anything.
Roy: "Dick, why didn't you say anything?"
Dick: "I didn't have anything to say about it."
Roy: "About sleeping with Roy?"
Dick: "Yeah."
Roy: "you had nothing to say about it?"
Roy: Roy turned his face away, starting to flush unhappily.
Dick: Dick didn't look at either of them. "I figured we could just forget about it."
Roy: that had to hurt, but the therapist kept her face a blank, "You figured you could just forget about having sex with your best friend?"
Roy: Roy's face turned redder in something close to absolute humiliation.
Dick: Dick closed his eyes. "I was an idiot. I know."
Roy: "And then... the times after that, did you just want to forget those, too?" She knew she was torturing Roy, but also that the couple needed this. they were doomed if this was their relationship, but maybe they'd make it.
Dick: "I didn't think that we'd do it again! And I didn't... I told myself Roy wouldn't want to talk about it either."
Roy: Roy looked at him out of the corner of his eye, "Then why DID we do it again?"
Dick: Dick shrugged unhappily.
Roy: "You don't *know*?" Roy asked him, looking at him full-on.
Dick: Dick gave him a miserable look. "I never... whenever I went to you. It was never... I wasn't planning to sleep with you. But then... it happened anyway."
Roy: "Oh." Roy said dully.
Dick: "I'm sorry," Dick whispered.
Roy: Roy bit the inside of his cheek and wouldn't let himself cry, "Why are you with me *now*?"
Dick: Dick felt for his hand. "I love you."
Roy: "You... when'd you decide *that*?"
Dick: Dick shook his head. "It was always true. But it took me a while to realize I was *in* love with you."
Roy: "Because you just want to forget sleeping with someone you love." Roy knew that was venomous but really... what were they even doing?
Dick: "I do when I shouldn't have done it! Roy, I was in a relationship!"
Roy: "I'm *sorry*, okay?" Roy snarled, "I knew it was wrong and I knew it but I thought.... I don't even know what I was thinking! I loved you." his voice broke and he had to look away, "I loved you, Dick. And I thought you at least wanted to. I thought that was why you came over, because you wanted to... because I made you happy in a way they didn't."
Roy: "Guess I was wrong. Again."
Dick: "Roy..." Dick took his hand and squeezed it. "It wasn't... you... I don't know what to tell you! Do you want me to say that it was always you I loved most and Kory and Barbara and all the others I've dated were just beards or something? Because it wouldn't be true! I loved you too, but I also loved them! And it wasn't... how could I plan something like that? I didn't want to hurt them or you! I just... god." He closed his eyes. "I don't know what to say."
Roy: "Of course I don't want you to say that." Roy's voice was harsh and thin as glass, "I know it wouldn't be true but I'd like you to tell me I at least mattered to you as much as they did. And I don't know how you'd plan it or anything, I've never cheated on somebody! I've never been so dissatisfied I had to have someone AND someone else. I'd just break up with someone and try and *find* someone else."
Dick: "Of course you did. You're you. You couldn't possibly not matter to me." He couldn't answer the rest of it. He knew he shouldn't have done what he'd done.
Roy: "But I could obviously not matter enough."
Roy: Roy instantly wished he hadn't said that.
Dick: Dick looked at him, hurt. "You matter enough now."
Roy: "That's true." the therapist said, "Dick's here with you- and wants to put forth effort in the relationship."
Dick: Dick looked at her. He'd all but forgotten she was there.
Roy: Roy took a hard breath and blinked back tears, "Yeah. Sorry. Shouldn't've said that."
Dick: Dick let go of Roy's hand and leaned back in his chair. He couldn't wait for this to be over.
Roy: The therapist turned to Roy, "How do you think you should deal with your guilt?"
Roy: Roy shrugged listlessly, "Keep it to myself and out or my relationship."
Dick: Dick frowned at him.
Roy: "Wrong." she shook her head, "That'll just hurt the relationship further."
Roy: "Then what am I supposed to do?" Roy asked, "Rehashing it won't help."
Roy: "You ned to learn to let go." she said, nodding wisely, "Forgive yourself. Forgive Dick's thoughtless attitude towards your feelings. When you are t peace with yourself you can be at peace with your partner."
Dick: "Very zen," Dick muttered under his breath.
Roy: Roy sighed.
Roy: The woman actually glared at Dick, "And I think we've had a good session today. Take a deep cleansing breath and 'll see you on Tuesday." Roy didn't bother with the breath.
Dick: "Thank you." Dick stood up.
Roy: Roy was already out of the office and heading downstairs.
Dick: Dick hurried after him and slid into the car without a word.
Roy: Roy buckled himself in and started the car, driving silently home.
Dick: Dick didn't cry. But he wouldn't look at Roy the whole way home.
Roy: Roy stopped the car, but this time he didn't sit in the drivers seat and wait, he fled inside and into the apartment. He slammed the bathroom door shut behind him and slid down onto the bathroom floor. He stared blankly at the toilet, and then covered his face and cried.
Dick: Dick didn't go inside. He couldn't, yet. He left the car, got on his bike, and rode out.
Dick: He found himself, almost without thinking about it (and wasn't that just typical of him), at Jason's apartment. He stopped and locked his bike, then went up and knocked on the door.
Roy: Jason cursed roundly and got up off his couch and headed to the... oh, look, Dick... doorway. He opened it, "C'mon in." he tilted his head since his arm was still in a sling.
Dick: Dick gave him a small smile. "Hi. How's your arm?"
Jason: "Ehh, it hurts like a bitch. Doing good though. How're you doing? Can I getcha anything? I have... takeout." he made a face.
Dick: "No... I'm not really hungry, thanks. And me? Oh... I'm fine." Dick gave him a quick, slightly distracted hug and walked in.
Jason: "Mmhmm.
Jason: " Jason eyed Dick as he went past, "No you're not."
Dick: Dick shrugged. "Then I'll be fine." He flopped on the couch. "I'm in therapy after all. Isn't that what therapy's supposed to do?"
Jason: "I'm not real sure what therapy's supposed to do." Jason said, going back to the couch and lying back down, "I heard somewhere it's about lancing wounds. Letting the infection out or somesuch shit."
Dick: "I have no idea. All I know is that so far it's only made things worse."
Jason: "Mine put me in the hospital." Jason commiserated, "What'd yours do?"
Dick: "Roy and I are fighting worse than ever."
Jason: "You are?" Jason frowned. "That sucks."
Dick: "I know. We just got back. He went inside. We didn't talk in the car ride. I didn't know what to do."
Jason: "Maybe you two should have fought about things all along... and you came *here*?" Jason gaped at his brother, "Are you *Bruce*?"
Dick: Dick glared at him.
Jason: "What?" Jason asked, "It's a legitimate question for as asinine as you're being!"
Dick: "No, I am not Bruce. As you *know.* I just couldn't be with him right then!"
Jason: "Even if he needs you?" Jason snapped.
Jason: "But maybe he's glad you left him alone. I dunno." he shrugged.
Dick: "Why would he need me?" Dick flopped his arms over his chest. "He probably hates me now. He barely waited for me to get in the fucking car before taking off."
Jason: "What happened?" Jason frowned.
Dick: "We talked. About... my mistakes."
Jason: "I thought he knew about those? And you know Roy couldn't hate you if he wanted to." which he probably had, a time or two.
Dick: "Of course he knows about them. He was there. Doesn't mean we've talked about them."
Jason: "Right." Jason said, rapidly becoming confused, "You... didn't say he was a mistake or anything did you?"
Dick: "What I did was a mistake," Dick said. "He isn't... now he isn't, but I hadn't meant to sleep with him the first few times."
Jason: "And you told him that."
Dick: "Yeah... I mean, what was I supposed to say?"
Jason: "I don't know. How could you have said that and not made him feel like shit that just dragged poor innocent little you off to his lair to be ravished, screaming?"
Dick: Dick blinked at him. "Why the hell would he feel like that? It didn't happen like that at all!"
Jason: "Maybe because the 'I didn't mean to sleep with him the first few times' might possibly sound like he seduced you?"
Jason: "Or, knowing the two of you, got you drunk and then took advantage. That is *possibly* what that sounds like, and possibly what happened except Roy'd never ever touch you if you were even tipsy back then."
Dick: "I just didn't plan it. He didn't take advantage or anything."
Jason: "Oh. Well." Jason frowned, "So you didn't... never mind." he sighed, "Dick... that was probably not the best thing you could have said to Roy. My bet is he's more hurt than mad."
Dick: Dick frowned and lay back on the couch. "I don't want to hurt him. I hate hurting him."
Jason: "Well, that's good." Jason said, then sighed, "Can we go to my bedroom so *I* can lie down too, please?" he tugged Dick's hair.
Dick: "Oh, yeah, sure." Dick stood up. "Sorry. Wasn't thinking. As usual."
Jason: "S'okay." Jason heaved himself up and led the way to his frighteningly tidy room. He lay down comfortably and stared at the ceiling, "But I really bet he's not all that mad."
Dick: Dick lay down next to him. "You think?"
Jason: "I think he's not mad." Jason said, "I think he's upset, but I don't thinnk he's angry."
Dick: "I should apologize."
Jason: "For not thinking aboutwhat you were saying and being insensitive, probably."
Dick: "Right." Dick sighed. "I'm such an idiot, Jays."
Jason: Jason managed to roll awkwardly onto his side to look at his brother, "Not all the time. And I dunno, maybe I'm all wrong about this and he's really so pissed he could spit. But from what I'm hearing you weren't the sharpest hearing of Bats."
Dick: "I never think! Or listen! I just... I shouldn't have cheated. I love Roy, and I'm glad I'm with him, but that doesn't stop it from having been a mistake."
Jason: "Yes, you do too think, no, you shouldn't have... or maybe you should have actually left one of them to be with him." Jason said, "I mean, come on, you two were a joke when I was a Titan."
Dick: "But I loved them too!"
Jason: "I dunno, Dick. I mean, I know that I wouldn't have been looking his way even. But you were. That has to tell you something about how you were with Kory. And Babs..." Jason sighed, flopping back onto his back with a wince, "Not going there. I'm not a shrink."
Dick: "I don't know." Dick put his arm over his forehead. "I don't want to think about the past. It's done."
Jason: "I think you can't dwell on it... but you have to acknowledge it. I mean, without the past you don't got now."
Dick: "Right, I guess."
Jason: Jason shrugged his functioning side, "Least that's what I think. Could be wrong. Probably am."
Dick: "No, you're probably right. I just... agh. I should go back and talk to him."
Jason: "Probably."
Dick: "It's hard," he whined.
Jason: "So's life. Suck it."
Dick: "Heh. Yeah." He sat up. "Thanks for letting me come in and angst at you."
Jason: "Anytime." Jason muscled himself upright and hugged Dick awkwardly, "It'll be okay. Apologize and tell him you were an idiot but you love him. Should work."
Dick: "I hope so," Dick said, hugging him back tightly. "Hope your arm feels better. I'll try to come by and see you some time when I'm not just here to whine later, okay?"
Jason: "Okay." Jason chuckled, "Just don't be slippin' me no drugs, you got that?"
Dick: Dick laughed. "I'll be good."
Jason: "Good. Now go on, scram." Jason batted at him and lay back down. "Lock up good behind you, got that?"
Dick: "Sure, will do." Dick waved and headed out.
There is traveling.
Dick: Dick knocked on the bathroom door.
Roy: Roy raised his head, "Piss in the sink."
Dick: "I don't have to piss," Dick said. "Let me in? Please?"
Roy: "What d'you want?" Roy asked unhappily.
Dick: "To talk. Apologize." Dick could force the door if he needed to, but he'd rather Roy let him in.
Roy: "And I can hear you through the door just fine."
Dick: "Please? I need..." to see him, to touch him, hug him. "Roy, let me in?"
Roy: Roy banged his head back against the door, "Whatcha need?" he asked, "Do you know what you need?"
Dick: Dick leaned his head against the door. "I need you."
Roy: Roy glared at the unoffending toilet and wished he had it in him to leave Dick out there. "Fine." he unlocked the door and scooted so it'd open.
Dick: Dick pushed the door open and sat next to Roy. "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking about what I was saying. I love you so much and I hate that what I said hurt you so much."
Roy: Roy looked at him, "But it was true. Wasn't it."
Dick: "Which part?"
Roy: "All of it."
Dick: "I don't know. I... shouldn't have slept with you when I was dating other people. But I love you. I never, ever wanted to hurt you." He tentatively touched Roy's shoulder.
Roy: Roy shrugged, "I shouldn't have slept with you either. It's been bugging me for ages. I should've let you be... or asked you to leave 'em."
Dick: Dick put his head on Roy's shoulder. "I don't know. It wasn't your fault or anything though. I mean, I knew what I was doing."
Roy: Roy looked down at Dick, "I guess."
Dick: "Contrary to popular belief, I do have some control over my sexual impulses. Just because I make awful choices doesn't mean they aren't my choices."
Roy: Roy's lips turned up slightly, "They're good looking choices at least."
Dick: "You are at that. And I'm very happy I'm with you now. You know that?"
Roy: Roy shrugged a shoulder unhappily, "I thought you were."
Dick: Dick wrapped his arms around Roy. "I am."
Roy: "I'm sorry I was a jerk about the therapist."
Dick: "I'm sorry I was a jerk most of my life."
Roy: "You haven't been a jerk most of your life, Dick!" Roy said sternly, "You're a great guy. I love you..." with a bit of relief he realized that was indeed true and the worst of the hurt was gone, "And I don't, as a rule, like jerks."
Dick: ((Dick: *cough*Cheshire*cough* And you like Ollie (in a different way) but still! But he is only thinking that because Roy seems to be forgiving him!))
Roy: "Don't bring up Jade- she's not a jerk she's a sociopath."
Dick: Dick sighed and kissed Roy's cheek. "I wasn't planning on it. And if not a jerk, then an idiot."
Roy: "Occasionally." Roy said, nuzzling Dick.
Dick: Dick pet his cheek. "I love you too. And you aren't a jerk either."
Roy: "Thanks." Roy smiled a little, closing his eyes and letting his head rest on Dick's. his head ached.
Dick: Dick pulled Roy's arms around him. "Will we be okay?"
Roy: Roy held tightly to Dick, "I love you." he whispered, "And we'll be okay."
Dick: "Good." Dick kissed him gently.
Roy: Roy kissed him lightly.
Dick: Dick smiled. "Want to leave the bathroom?" he suggested.
Roy: "Yeah." Roy got up slowly, "Sounds like a good idea."
Dick: Dick stood up with him. "I really am sorry. I hate hurting you."
Roy: "It's okay."
Dick: Dick took his hand and opened the bathroom door. "I love you."
Roy: "I love you too." Roy squeezed his hand.
Roy: "Dick, grab some of those peaches." Roy said, pushing the cart and reading off his list. He grabbed a jar of applesauce from his side of the aisle.
Dick: "Sure," Dick said. He felt the peaches to make sure they were ripe and grabbed a plastic bag. His hand knocked against someone else's. "Oh, excuse me." He looked up and saw his therapist. "Oh, hi, Dr. Hastings."
Roy: Roy looked over and his heart stopped. Damn, damn, damn. Redhead. Fuck his life. He pasted a smile on.
Dick: "Hi, Dick," she said, smiling. "How are you doing?"
Dick: "Oh, fine." He looked over at Roy. "Roy, this is my therapist. Dr. Hastings, this is my boyfriend."
Dick: "Nice to meet you," Annie said.
Roy: "Hi." Roy smiled at her politely. No good white trash *ho*.
Roy: he looked her over. Dick's type. Pretty, smart, vivacious... red head...
Dick: She nodded at Roy. "Dick's told me a lot about you," she said.
Roy: "Has he?" With his luck he was the source of all Dick's problems, "Is that good or bad?"
Dick: Dick laughed. "It's fine. You're a big part of my life. Of course I'm going to talk about you." He dropped the peaches in the cart and kissed Roy's cheek briefly. "Anyway, it was great seeing you, Doctor."
Dick: "I told you, you can call me Annie," she said. "And it was great seeing you too, Dick. We're meeting again next week, right?"
Roy: "Nice to meet you." Roy said, pushing the cart and just hoping he wasn't flushing in embarrassment. "I'll meet up with you in the ice cream section." he told Dick. He could stay there and talk to his little therapist for all Roy cared!
Dick: Dick nodded. "Yeah," he said. He looked after Roy. "Uh oh, I have to go. See you later."
Dick: "Looks like it," Annie said. "Well, see you next week!"
Dick: Dick waved and hurried after Roy. "What was that?" he asked.
Roy: "What was what?" Roy asked, looking at him.
Dick: "You stormed off," Dick said.
Roy: He hoped he wasn't still flushed- he probably was. His hands felt hot, gripping the sticky push-bar... "I did not." Roy snapped.
Roy: "I said hello, told her it was nice to meet her, and went on about my shopping. I did *not* storm off."
Dick: "I was just stopping to say hi. You could have waited a minute."
Roy: "Fine, I'm sorry."
Roy: Roy said without sounding very sorry.
Dick: "Honey, do you not like her?"
Roy: Roy couldn't look at Dick, "Can we just finish shopping and go home?" his skin was definitely the color of a ripe tomato under his tan and if he got any more upset his eyes would water. Dammit.
Roy: "Please? "
Dick: Dick sighed. "Fine," he said.
Roy: Roy kept pushing the cart, automatically putting things in, his previous good mood of a day off with Dick almost completely ruined. "Do you want any hamburgers this week?" he muttered.
Dick: "Sure," Dick said. "Hmm. I think we're out of orange juice."
Roy: "Okay. I'll go grab some." Roy handed over the cart- orange juice was on the other side of the store.
Dick: "Right," Dick said. "I guess I'll get the hamburgers, then."
Roy: "They're two aisles over." Roy pointed and headed through the Sunday Morning Madness.
Roy: "Oh." he stuck his head back into the aisle, "Get the meat, not the pre-prepped stuff."
Dick: "I know," Dick said. "And I'm not entirely incapable of navigating a grocery store, you know." He pushed the cart away. Clearly Annie had made Roy jealous. Which was stupid.
Roy: Roy retreated to go get the OJ, meeting up with Dick back at the cereal aisle a few minutes later. He put it in the cart and grabbed his pre-sorted packet of coupons and list. They had everything he figured... "Anything else?" he asked in a not-very-sweet-nor-happy tone.
Dick: "No, I think we're good," Dick said.
Roy: "Okay." Roy took the cart back and headed for the front of the store to checkout. He faced away from the tabloids, towards the women's magazines and workout and soap opera magazines. He didn't care who Angelina Jolie was doing this week.
Dick: Dick followed him and stood, arms crossed and lips closed tightly.
Roy: Roy unloaded the cart, paid, and grabbed roughly half the bags, "Can you get the rest?" he asked Dick.
Dick: Dick had already moved in to grab them. "Of course," he said.
Roy: "Thanks." Roy led the way to the car, and settled the things in the back and the back seat. He got in the drivers' seat and pulled out, the air still between them.
Dick: Dick glared at him. "You going to tell me what that was all about?"
Roy: Roy's hands tightened on the steering wheel, "I wasn't planning on it, no."
Dick: "If you're mad at me, I'd like to know why."
Roy: "I'm not mad." Roy could feel his ears turning red again.
Dick: "Oh, so you're acting snappish because you're that fucking happy?"
Roy: Roy's lips tightened and he didn't dare turn to look at Dick, "You started it."
Dick: "Care to explain how? Because I don't remember doing anything wrong!"
Roy: "Snapping at me at 'what was that all about'."
Dick: "You were already upset before then."
Roy: "I was *not*!"
Dick: "You were acting it!"
Roy: "Well I'm sorry then!"
Roy: Roy all but yelled.
Dick: "Don't be! Just tell me why you're mad!"
Roy: "I'm not mad so leave it the fuck alone, Richard!"
Dick: Dick blinked. Roy never called him Richard. "Fine," he said quietly. He opened the window and looked out. It was easier than looking at Roy.
Roy: Roy bit his lip and kept his face turned away, or down as they pulled into their parking spot and silently unloaded the car.
Roy: he wished Lian weren't having a play-day today. Or that Cissie weren't in Goth with Tim. He didn't *want* to spend the whole day miserable with Dick! ....which was his own fault he guessed. Dammit.
Dick: Dick started putting things in the fridge. He needed... he didn't know. Something. Roy to stop being mad. He finished putting the perishables, stood up, and slammed the fridge door. "Is it because she has red hair?" he asked.
Roy: Roy's back stiffened as Dick slammed the refrigerator, "It's that she's your type and wouldn't know professionality if it hit her with a rotting rabbit!"
Dick: "Did you ever think that just maybe I'm capable of keeping it professional myself? I'm in love with you!"
Roy: "With her all over you?" Roy snorted, "Dick I know you. You love people. You love loving, you love flirting, you love sex. It's who you are. I love you but goddamnit to fuck, I allowed to get jealous every now and then!" he yelled.
Dick: "Not when there's no fucking reason to get jealous!" Dick shouted. "She's my therapist! And she's hardly all over me! Goddammit, Roy! What do you want me to do?"
Roy: "I don't know!" Roy hollered back.
Dick: "Well, give me some idea of how I can fucking make this better!" Dick yelled. "I don't want to fight with you! I love you."
Dick: He cursed as his emergency ringtone went off. "Oracle's calling. Look, just... hold on."
Roy: "Fine." Roy said bitterly.
Dick: "I love you, dammit," Dick said. He picked up the phone. "This is a really bad time, O," he said.
Roy: He bit back a jealous urge that Dick was not talking to his ex. Wasn't this ALWAYS how it went? Babs would call and Dick would go back to her. "I love you too." he said and that hurt because it was true.
Dick: Dick listened to Barbara tell him about the hundreds of agents readying assault on the clocktower and bit back a curse. "I'll be there," he said. "Do you have some sort of escape plan?"
Roy: Roy swallowed hard and went to put away more groceries, setting out two protein bars and a bottle of water for Dick.
Dick: "Fuck," Dick said. He started pulling on his costume. "I'm coming, Babs. Be there ASAP."
Roy: "Bye." Roy said, "Your lunch is on the counter and you may as well use the transporter."
Dick: "She is? Dammit. Should I bring Roy, then?" Dick said into his phone. "Thanks," he told Roy. "And they're blocked around the clocktower." He listened to Barbara. "Cheshire's there, you know. We could use your help."
Roy: "Chesh is where?" Roy's fingers slipped on a jar of spaghetti sauce, which he caught on his foot and flipped back up into his hands.
Dick: "Going after Oracle in the Watchtower." Dick put on his mask. "Where the hell did I leave my utility belt?"
Roy: "In the bedroom."
Roy: Roy grabbed his gear, the rest of the stuff could wait.
Dick: Dick ran and grabbed it. "Okay," he said. "We need the closest one over a quarter of a mile away."
Roy: "Set it."
Dick: "Better if we go from the garage. We can take my bike."
Roy: "Fine." Roy said, strapping on his longerbow and hooking gunbelts around his waist.
Dick: Dick pulled on his boots and gloves. "Let's go." He started heading down to the garage.
Roy: Roy followed, still pissed, very worried, and extremely upset.
Roy: He pushed that away as he got on the bike, though. It was his job to do this and personal life didn't touch the Job.
Dick: Dick set the coordinates and drove through into Goth. Quarter of a mile was barely anything. Especially at the speeds he liked to use.
Then they fought to help Oracle and we didn't actually play that out. But somewhere along the line, couple's therapy was brought up.
Dick: Dick: I DON'T NEED MORE THERAPY, DAMMIT!
Roy: Roy: *folds arms*
Dick: Dick: Got into enough trouble with just the single person therapy.
Roy: Roy: I *said* sorry.
Dick: Dick: It's okay. But still. Do we need to do this?
Roy: Roy: It's up to you.
Dick: Dick: *sigh* I love you. I don't want to fight with you.
Roy: Roy: I love you too, and I want what's best for you. Even if that's not me.
Dick: Dick: It is you.
Roy: Roy: then why I not ever enough for you, Dick?
Dick: Dick: You are enough! I was just too blind to see it for too long!
Roy: Roy: And you're still looking.
Roy: Roy: Though I appreciate it that you haven't touched. Thanks.
Dick: Dick: Yes. I'm staying faithful. I'm not going to touch anyone else.
Roy: Roy: If you want to it's okay. Well, it's not okay, but I understand.
Dick: Dick: ...maybe we should do couples therapy. I don't want to cheat on you. I don't want to hurt you. I want the two of us to be together and be happy.
Dick: Dick: I told you I wasn't leaving.
Roy: Roy: I love you. And I want to be happy. And I want you to be happy.
Roy: Roy: And I don't want you to cheat on me. I'd rather you left me or did an open relationship than cheated on me.
Roy: Roy: and you've never technically cheated on *me*. You cheated *with* me.
Roy: Roy mutters: oh, the perils of being the 'other woman'.
Dick: Dick: I'm sorry. I know. I... goddammit, I've been awful.
Roy: Roy: No, stop it. Okay? It's done. Stop. I know you are.
Dick: But I'm not going to cheat. I don't want... you wouldn't be happy in an open relationship. I... I don't think I would be, either.
Roy: Roy shrugged, "If it was what you wanted I could make myself deal with it. And somehow explain it to Lian."
Dick: "It isn't what I want," Dick said. "God, I - I wouldn't want anyone else touching you. I know I'm a damn hypocrite and it's terrible. But I don't think I want that for myself, either. I just want you."
Roy: "Well, actually *I* wouldn't be sleeping with anyone else..." Roy said with a shrug, "And you're not a hypocrite, you're you."
Roy: "If we were in Winnie the Pooh I'd be Kanga and you'd be Tigger." Roy smiled a little.
Roy: "And you're not allowed to call me Kanga, or repeat that. Ever."
Dick: Dick didn't smile, or look at Roy. "I just want us to be happy together."
Roy: Roy's smile faded, "I'm sorry. I do too. And I ruined it this time, I'm sorry."
Dick: "You didn't!" Dick looked up and reached for Roy's hands. "We can still make it work."
Roy: Roy curled his hand around Dick's, leaning into him, "I want to." he said softly. "Just I know it was me and my stupidness that racked us up this time."
Dick: Dick kissed their entwined hands. "It's not your fault. I should have... I don't know. Don't blame yourself."
Roy: "Let's say the blame is mutual.'
Dick: "That sounds fair." Dick tilted his head up and brushed Roy's lips with his tentatively.
Roy: Roy kissed him softly.
Roy: Roy sighed, pulling back, "Maybe we shouldn't always fix things with sex?" he asked, petting Dick's lips gently.
Dick: Dick kept his eyes closed. "What do you want to do?"
Roy: "I don't even know." Roy said, carding a hand through Dick's hair, "What do you wanna do?"
Dick: "I don't know either." Dick leaned into Roy's touch. "Maybe therapy is a good idea."
Roy: "Probably." Roy sighed, petting Dick's hair soothingly.
Dick: "I don't want to go. We have too many secrets."
Roy: "We can go to J'onn."
Roy: "Tim does."
Dick: "He's so busy. He can't have time for every superhero couple that needs help."
Roy: "You won't know 'til you ask."
Dick: "I'm sure he'd say yes. I just don't know if we should ask."
Roy: "Fine. It's up to you."
Dick: "We can. I don't know. A few sessions, maybe."
Roy: "Okay." Roy said.
Dick: Dick leaned on his shoulder. "I do love you, you know," he said.
Roy: "I know." Roy hugged him, "I love you, too. You know I do."
Dick: "I do know you do. Oh, Roy." Dick kissed him lightly. "I don't ever want to hurt you."
Roy: "I know, babe." Roy kissed him, "I know you never want to."
Dick: "And I'll do everything I can not to," Dick promised.
Roy: Roy kissed him softly, "I know you will." he said quietly, "You're a good man, Dick Grayson. And I love you."
Dick: Dick held him close. "I love you too. And thanks."
Roy: "Mmm." Roy carded a hand through Dick's hair.
Dick: Dick tucked his head on Roy's shoulder and kissed his ear, wrapping his arms around Roy's shoulders.
Roy: Roy wrapped his arms around Dick and settled him onto his lap.
Dick: Dick nipped at Roy's neck.
Roy: "Dick..." Roy said softly.
Dick: Dick kissed him firmly.
Roy: Roy kissed him back gently.
Dick: Dick tangled a hand in Roy's hair and trailed the other hand down his back.
Roy: Roy rubbed Dick's back firmly, petting him.
Dick: Dick closed his eyes and pushed his hand under the hem of Roy's shirt.
Roy: Roy sighed softly, "Dick... what do you want?" he asked as he continued to stroke Dick's back and shoulders and down the outside of Dick's leg.
Dick: Dick stopped and leaned against Roy again. "I don't know."
Roy: "We've had a long day. Why don't we go to bed and snuggle, hmm?" Roy suggested, "Lord knows I could go for just being warm and held onto."
Dick: Dick nodded. "We can do that. Snuggling's always nice."
Roy: "It is." Roy shifted his grip on Dick and carried him to their bedroom, laying him down and smiling at him, getting in beside him.
Dick: Dick curled around him. "I love you, Roy," he said.
Roy: "I love you too." Roy kissed his forehead.
Dick: Dick ran his thumb over Roy's cheek and smiled.
Roy: "You're beautiful." Roy told him softly.
Dick: "So are you," Dick said. "My beautiful archer."
Roy: "Mm." Roy kissed Dick's palm gently, "You're so much more beautiful than I."
Dick: "Don't sell yourself short. You're gorgeous." Dick pulled Roy towards him by the chin and kissed him lightly.
Roy: "Mm." Roy chuckled.
Roy: "Not so gorgeous as you." Roy said honestly, taking Dick's small, square hand, "You're... so light." Roy said, shrugging a shoulder, the muscle ripping beneath his skin, "And your skin's like gold, or warm tea."
Dick: Dick smiled at him. "You just don't see how beautiful you are." He ran his hand gently over the muscles in Roy's arms.
Roy: "No?" Roy asked, flexing beneath Dick's gentle touch. He loved it when Dick petted him, the feel of a hand stroking over his skin.
Dick: Dick reached Roy's tattoo and traced it with a finger. "Maybe handsome is a better word. But in any case. You're sexy."
Roy: Roy shivered as Dick traced the markings on his arm, "Well thank you." he chuckled lowly, "Beautiful fits you."
Dick: "Thank you." Dick flashed a smile and kissed Roy.
Roy: Roy chuckled and his hand carded into Dick's hair, massaging his scalp gently.
Dick: Dick broke the kiss and settled half on top of Roy.
Roy: Roy smiled up at him, letting his hand slide down his arm and settle on Dick's hip.
Dick: Dick kissed his collar bone and smiled into Roy's neck.
Roy: Roy pulled the blankets up over them both. "Should get some sleep."
Dick: Dick nodded. "I love you," he said again.
Roy: "I love you too." Roy whispered again. "Now, go to sleep."
Dick: Dick nodded and closed his eyes.
Roy: Roy sighed softly and went to sleep.
Dick: Dick stayed awake longer, just listening to Roy breathe and thinking.
Roy: Roy held Dick close in his sleep, content enough.
So they decided to go! But not to J'onn. Just to a random woman.
Roy: Roy sighed, looking around the cheerful and tastefully easternly decorated doctors' office. It reminded him of Jade, actually, and he quashed THAT thought. Dick was being his usual squirmy self beside him.
Dick: Dick didn't like this. It was too close. And he didn't really want to talk to some stranger about the things that were wrong between him and Roy. He shifted uncomfortably. "Are we sure this is a good idea?" he muttered.
Roy: "If you want to leave, we can." Roy said for the twentieth time.
Dick: Dick made an unhappy noise and leaned on Roy's shoulder. "When will she be here? I want to get it over with."
Roy: "'Nother five minutes." Roy said patiently, putting an arm around Dick.
Roy: "If you really don't want to do this we can leave now."
Dick: "I'll be fine." Dick took Roy's hand and played with his fingers. "I'm just...not sure."
Roy: "Not sure about what?" Roy asked.
Dick: "This, all of it, telling a stranger our problems. We have a lot of secrets we can't share."
Roy: Roy tilted his head back, sighing, "I told you we should just go to J'onn."
Dick: "I know. I just know he's busy."
Roy: "Yeah. Or maybe we could have gone to someone in the JLA. They're retired."
Roy: "Or, Hell, ALFRED." Roy grumbled.
Dick: "Okay, okay, it wasn't the best plan."
Roy: "It's okay." Roy said, "We're going to be honest though. At least about MY job."
Dick: "Fine. But we can't be honest about my job."
Roy: "Fine." Roy closed his eyes, "Whatever you want." he leaned his head back. Whenever she wanted to show up now would be good.
Dick: The therapist walked into the room. "Hello, I'm Dr. Rose Miller." She sat down in front of them. "Roy Harper and Dick Grayson, right?"
Roy: "Yep." Roy nodded, giving her a small smile.
Dick: Dick held Roy's hand and gave a tight nod. "Hi," he said.
Roy: Roy squeezed Dick's hand gently, reassuringly.
Roy: "So. Can you tell me why you're here today? The rules are simple. Listen, don't interrupt, don't accuse, and don't point fingers. You have to value each other and each others' input. all right? Dick, why don't you start?"
Dick: Dick looked down at his and Roy's hand, not meeting her eyes. "Because I've been a cheating bastard in the past."
Roy: She nodded, "Roy, why are you here today?"
Roy: Roy hesitated, "Because I can't seem to make this work." he said slowly.
Roy: "I see." she nodded, "Roy, do you love Dick? Do you want this to work or can you not forgive him for cheating on you?"
Dick: "I didn't cheat on him," Dick muttered.
Roy: "I want this to work." Roy said immediately, "I just can't believe he's happy with me."
Roy: To her credit, her eyebrows did not go up, "Dick, you cheated... with Roy?"
Dick: Dick nodded tersely.
Roy: "So you left your partner permanently to be with Roy?"
Dick: "It's more complicated than that," Dick said.
Roy: "Why don't you explain it to me?" she asked pleasantly.
Dick: Dick did not immediately snap something about it not being her business. It was her business. "He's been my best friend forever. We've had on-and-off affairs for a long time."
Roy: "Aaah. did you go to high school together?"
Roy: "We shared social circles." Roy explained, "We met when we were about twelve. I fell in love." he shrugged.
Dick: "Took me a little longer." Dick gave Roy a half-smile.
Roy: "How did that make you feel, Roy?" Rose asked, "That you loved him and he didn't love you?"
Dick: "I did love him," Dick clarified. "Just... not in the se way."
Roy: "Dick, don't interrupt." Rose said gently.
Dick: Dick looked down. "Sorry."
Roy: Roy shrugged, "I... figured he never would. I took what he'd give me, even though I knew I was helping him cheat on someone else. I was young." he said sheepishly.
Roy: "So you feel guilty about him sleeping with you, thus 'helping him cheat'?" Rose asked, and Roy nodded. He felt terrible, now, AND then. "do you think that guilt might be tainting your relationship, now that you do 'have him'?"
Roy: Roy swallowed hard and nodded again. "Thank you for being honest. Dick... when you cheated with Roy, why did you pick him? I'm not wrong in thinking you could have slept with someone else if your relationship was unfulfilling."
Dick: Dick shrugged. "I didn't really think about it," he said softly. "He's my best friend, and he wanted me. And I love him."
Roy: "Did you want him or was it that he wanted you and you didn't want to disappoint him? You cared for him."
Dick: "Of course I wanted him!" Dick said. "He's gorgeous!"
Roy: "And who you were with wasn't physically appealing to you?"
Dick: Dick looked up at her, disbelieving. "Are you kidding? She's amazing. Of course she was appealing." He wasn't sure it was possible to not be attracted to Kory, and Barbara was... Barbara.
Roy: "Then explain to me why you would go cheat with your best friend you didn't love?"
Dick: Dick shrugged. He held Roy's hand tightly and didn't answer.
Roy: Rose looked at Roy, "Did you ask or did he come of his own accord?" they were *complicated*!
Roy: "He always came of his own accord." Roy said softly, "I didn't ask."
Dick: "I didn't think," Dick said quietly, barely over a whisper. "I just... he was there."
Roy: "Hmm." She nodded, "Has he always been there?"
Dick: Dick nodded. "I don't deserve him."
Roy: "Now that type of talk has to stop." she said firmly. "Relationships aren't about deserving. They're about love. You keep saying that and he might believe you. Though I'll bet Roy feels the se way." Roy nodded.
Dick: "What?" Dick looked at Roy.
Roy: Roy looked at Dick, "What?" he asked.
Dick: "About you feeling the se way?"
Roy: "I don't deserve you."
Dick: "What do you mean?"
Roy: "I mean I don't feel like I deserve you." Roy repeated.
Roy: Rose sat back to let them talk.
Dick: "How can you think that?" Dick said.
Roy: "It's true!" Roy said, "You're.... you're *you*. and I'm *me*, and I don't deserve you."
Dick: Dick shook his head. "You're so much better than me, though. You're never the one who's unfaithful. You're you."
Roy: "I've just made the biggest screwups possible." Roy said, "Granted, one got me my daughter so that one doesn't count. But the others do and I screwed up *so* many times. And then there was the whole thing with *Grace*."
Dick: "Yeah, I've screwed up too," Dick said. "You've got Grace, I've got Kyle, Helena, Cheyenne, Jimmy, and let's not forget how I screwed up so spectacularly with Kory and Babs! And that's just on a relationship level."
Roy: "Yeah well you never shot yourself full of shit on purpose, so I think I win."
Roy: Rose blinked. It was rare to have *two* self-loathing patients.
Dick: Dick couldn't argue that. "I'm sorry," he said. "But that was a long time ago. And you did get through it."
Roy: "Yeah, because I got dragged kicking and screaming." Roy said, and Rose raised a hand.
Roy: "Enough." she said firmly, "Stop wallowing."
Dick: "Sorry," Dick said again. He squeezed Roy's hand.
Roy: Roy nodded, "Me too."
Roy: She nodded, smiling, "I think the root of your issues is that you love each other... and hate yourselves. You can't love someone if you hate yourself."
Dick: "I can sure as hell try," Dick muttered.
Roy: "You should try and love yourself, like your partner loves you." she said, "Tell me. You think Roy's a pretty great person, don't you?"
Dick: Dick nodded. "He's amazing."
Roy: "You know he loves you?"
Dick: Dick glanced at Roy and nodded.
Roy: "Do you think he'd love someone who was less than amazing themselves for so long?"
Dick: Dick bit back an automatic 'he does' and just shrugged.
Roy: Roy covered his face with a hand, "Only because she's Lian's mom..." he moaned.
Dick: Dick squeezed his hand again.
Roy: Rose felt a trifle out of depth, like she was missing a large piece of the pie, "Dick... you trust Roy, don't you?"
Dick: "With my life," Dick said automatically.
Roy: "Then trust him to be right about you. Even if you don't trust yourself."
Dick: Dick thought about that. "I don't know."
Roy: "Why not?"
Dick: "I don't think he'd stop loving me no matter what I did."
Roy: Rose nodded, "Partners are like that."
Dick: "I guess," Dick said.
Dick: She turned to Roy. "Do you think Dick is going to cheat on you?"
Roy: Roy swallowed hard, "I..." he looked at Dick, "No. Not intentionally."
Dick: Rose raised an eyebrow. "Not intentionally? What do you mean?"
Roy: "Dick's..." Roy waved a hand, "He's *Dick*. Bouncy, loving, and...." he shrugged helplessly, "He loves people." he muttered, "A little too much."
Dick: Dick frowned and held Roy's hand possessively. "I won't."
Dick: "Has there been anyone you suspected he'd had an affair with?" Rose asked.
Roy: "No." Roy said.
Dick: "Except Annie," Dick muttered.
Dick: "Annie?"
Roy: Roy gritted his teeth, "Dick's therapist." he muttered.
Dick: "Former therapist," Dick said. "I decided to get a new one."
Dick: "Why?"
Dick: Dick shrugged. "She made us fight. We didn't need that tension."
Roy: Roy knew where this was going. "Because I was an ass."
Dick: "What happened?"
Roy: "We saw her at the grocery store and she flirted with Dick who flirted back." Roy sighed, not meeting their eyes.
Dick: "I didn't really know I was flirting," Dick said. "I thought we were just talking."
Roy: "You flirt like you breathe." Roy smiled a little, "It's endearing."
Dick: "But you're the only one I'm with!" Dick said.
Roy: "I know that." Roy said unhappily.
Dick: "Do you notice him flirting with other people than this therapist?"
Roy: "We don't get out together. So no."
Dick: "Hm." Rose made a mental note about that. "So how did seeing him flirt with Annie make you feel?"
Roy: "Angry." Roy said, "Sick. Hurt."
Roy: "Really scared."
Dick: "Scared?"
Roy: "Scared."
Dick: "Why? Did you think he'd sleep with her?"
Dick: "I wouldn't," Dick said.
Dick: "Dick, no interruptions, please," Rose said.
Dick: Dick looked down again and squeezed Roy's hand.
Roy: Roy's hand tightened on Dick's, his face flushing.
Dick: Dick frowned. "Roy?"
Roy: Roy looked at him quickly and then away, then met his eyes again unhappily. He was *sorry*, already!
Dick: Dick made a quiet, hurt noise.
Roy: Roy refused to let his eyes fill, letting his hand tightened again, his thumb petting Dick's wrist. He was *sorry*!
Dick: "I see," Rose said carefully. "Do you feel better now that Dick isn't going to her anymore?"
Roy: "No."
Dick: "Why not?"
Roy: Roy shrugged. "Because I know I was overreacting and now I feel like shit."
Dick: "It's okay," Dick said. "I've never given you a reason to trust me. I just wish I knew it could happen at some point."
Roy: "It's *not* okay!" Roy snapped.
Dick: Rose sat back to let them talk.
Dick: "Roy..." Dick said quietly.
Roy: Roy looked at him mutely, "I didn't mean to." he said miserably.
Dick: "I know."
Roy: "It's just I... I took you away from them and what's to stop someone taking you away from me and being happier with someone else? You were happier when I wasn't regularly in your life." Roy said unhappily.
Dick: "You didn't take me away from them," Dick said. "That was... there was a lot. I mean Kory even knew. But she's Kory."
Roy: "Yeah, she's Kory." Roy sighed, "I felt like I did."
Dick: "That's because you weren't there."
Roy: "What?"
Dick: "Well, you were there for Kory. The wedding just failed, and we didn't try again. And Barbara, well... that's complicated. But it also wasn't you. I screwed those up all on my own."
Roy: That hadn't been what Roy meant, but that'd do.
Roy: Roy sighed, "I'm sorry. I'll try and do better about the jealousy thing."
Dick: "Thank you," Dick said. "I can try to stop flirting."
Roy: "You shouldn't have to." Roy said, "It's your nature, I know that."
They finished, but we were lazy and didn't play it out. Cut to awkward drive home! Also, Warning, THAR BE PORN AHEAD!
Roy: Roy's hands all but clutched the steering wheel as he drove home from their therapists visit. He hadn't realized it was possible to feel more like a douche than he had. Apparently, it was.
Dick: Dick didn't look at Roy. He wasn't really happy about the whole thing. He felt awful. Roy probably felt awful. He didn't even know if it had helped.
Roy: Roy pulled the car into the garage and stopped it, staring at the wheel blankly, park, and ignition off.
Dick: "You okay?" Dick asked.
Roy: "Fine." Roy said tiredly, "You?"
Dick: "Yeah, fine," Dick said, looking at his lap.
Roy: Roy leaned his head against the window, staring listlessly at the garage wall. He probably should get out. He just didn't want to.
Dick: "Roy..." Dick unbuckled his seatbelt and reached for his hand. "Maybe we shouldn't go back. I mean, we both feel worse. That can't be good, right?"
Roy: "Maybe you have to feel worse to feel better?" Roy's fingers wound through Dick's. "I mean... we always just cover over shit, like it never happened, or like it doesn't matter."
Dick: Dick shrugged. "It's worked so far. I don't know."
Roy: "It hasn't really worked." Roy said, "And it's gonna bite us in the ass. It already has..." he sighed, "I don't know."
Dick: "I know that, I guess." Dick squeezed Roy's hand. "I don't like talking to strangers about us."
Roy: "Yeah, I know. but I'm starting to feel like we have to talk to *somebody*."
Dick: "Maybe. I don't know. I hate this."
Roy: "I do too." Roy agreed, pulling Dick into his side to pet his hair. "Maybe we should just talk to each other." he muttered into Dick's hair.
Dick: "Like talking to you better than her," Dick muttered. He leaned on Roy's shoulder and sighed.
Roy: "I definitely like talking to you better than her." Roy agreed. "Although I think we *were* talking to each other. She just was asking the questions."
Dick: Dick gave a half shrug and closed his eyes. "Do we need the questions?"
Roy: "Maybe?" Roy said, "I don't know. Do we?"
Roy: "We need something. Because something is wrong." Roy said sadly.
Dick: Dick made an unhappy noise. "I don't like things being wrong."
Roy: "Nobody does." Roy said, "I don't."
Dick: Dick sat up, though he kept holding Roy's hand. "Maybe we can try talking without her."
Roy: Roy smiled at him, "Yeah?" he said, brushing Dick's hair out of his face, cupping his cheek for a second.
Dick: Dick closed his eyes briefly. "Yeah."
Roy: "I think that'd be a good idea." Roy said softly.
Roy: "And if we do need more therapy, we go to J'onn."
Dick: Dick nodded. "I guess."
Roy: "So..." Roy said hesitantly, "Do you want to talk, like, now? Or just go do...whatever we were going to do today."
Dick: "I don't know." Dick leaned back in his seat. "I don't really have any plans. The new job doesn't start until next Monday."
Roy: "Oh?" Roy said, "I hadn't heard about it? And I was just planning on going in and cleaning then lying down 'til Lian was out of school."
Dick: Dick blinked. "Did I forget to tell you? I've been so distracted... I was hired at a gym. Teaching kids gymnastics. If there's interest, I might teach trapeze to some of the older kids."
Roy: "That sounds great, Dick." Roy smiled, "And it sounds like it'll keep your attention."
Dick: Dick grinned. "If anything can..."
Roy: "That's what I figured." Roy said wryly.
Dick: Dick opened the car door, but didn't get out. "We could cuddle on the couch and chat."
Roy: "That sounds good." Roy agreed, opening his car door as well, putting a foot out.
Dick: Dick smiled and got out of the car. He opened the door and held it for Roy.
Roy: Roy followed him and took his hand as they went up to their apartment.
Dick: Dick squeezed his hand and pulled him to the couch.
Roy: Roy got on and spread his legs for Dick to lie up against him as he leaned back on the couch.
Dick: Dick flopped onto Roy and curled on his chest, his ear next to Roy's heart. "So."
Roy: Roy wrapped a leg around Dick's and smiled, folding his arms around Dick's chest, "So."
Dick: Dick sighed. "I love you. You know that, right? And I don't want to hurt you. Ever."
Roy: "I know." Roy nodded, holding him.
Dick: "Good. And I won't cheat on you."
Roy: "I'm.... having a harder time wit that."
Dick: "I've noticed." Dick traced random patterns on Roy's chest. "I don't know how I can regain your trust."
Roy: "It's not about me trusting you." Roy said miserably, "It's about... Dick, I don't trust *me*."
Dick: "You don't... why? You're not the one with the history of unfaithfulness."
Roy: "I know, but..." Roy frowned, "I just can't see myself making you happy. Not long term."
Dick: Dick frowned too. "Why not?"
Roy: "I just can't." Roy shrugged helplessly, "I mean... I was on the side for you for so long I kinda figure you'll get tired of me and move on. It's like... people like chili on their fries, but not as a main dish."
Roy: "And you left *kory* and *Babs*, Dick, and you loved them. You adored them. I'm not in their leagues."
Dick: "I don't compare you to them," Dick said. "You're all different. If you're not in their league, it's only because you're playing a different sport. And I... I can't screw up again."
Roy: Roy petted Dick's hair to soothe himself, swallowing hard, "I just feel like it's... I love you." he said softly, "and I don't want to lose you, so it makes me hold on much too tightly."
Dick: "It's not too tight," Dick said. "And I don't want to lose you either, Speedy. I mean, even if we weren't lovers... you're my best friend. I couldn't really live without you."
Roy: "I couldn't live without you, either." Roy told him.
Dick: Dick tilted his head up and kissed his chin. "I love you."
Roy: roy kissed him lightly, "Love you, too."
Dick: Dick reached up and touched Roy's face lightly. "Do you think we'll be okay?"
Roy: Roy kissed his palm, "If love and trying can make us okay, then yeah."
Dick: "Right." Dick traced Roy's lips with his thumb.
Roy: "Do you think we'll be okay?"
Dick: Dick smiled. "Yeah. I think we will be."
Roy: "Good." Roy kissed Dick's thumb.
Dick: Dick shifted a little. "I guess if we just talk about issues when they come up or something?"
Roy: "I guess that works." roy nodded.
Dick: "Good." Dick pulled Roy into a tender kiss.
Roy: Roy kissed him gently, lightly.
Dick: Dick wrapped his arms around Roy and put his head down on his shoulder again with a small sigh.
Roy: Roy smiled and held him contentedly. "I did NOT like her."
Dick: Dick laughed. "The therapist? Me neither."
Roy: "Could be worse though I guess," Roy mused, "She could have been, 'and how is your sex life'?"
Dick: Dick laughed. "Oh god. At least we know that's healthy." He kissed Roy's cheek.
Roy: "Yes it most certainly is." Roy leered.
Dick: Dick kissed him. "We have really great sex."
Roy: "That we certainly do." Roy nodded, "And we do that rather well I think."
Dick: "We definitely do."
Roy: "I think we need a honeymoon." Roy said idly.
Dick: Dick gave him a curious look. "A honeymoon?"
Roy: "Yeah. You, me, desert island. No work, no bills, no kids, lord love 'em..."
Dick: "Oooh, that sounds amazing."
Roy: "Doesn't it." Roy sighed.
Dick: "Maybe we should. We could see if Dinah would take Lian for a week, or Cissie or Tim or someone and just go."
Roy: "We should, but it'd be irresponsible." Roy pointed out.
Dick: "I know." Dick sighed. "It's would be fun, though."
Roy: "It would be relaxing... something you need, oh sleepless one." Roy told Dick.
Dick: Dick rolled his eyes. "I sleep."
Roy: "Not enough."
Roy: "And restlessly."
Dick: Dick shrugged.
Dick: "With our luck an alien invasion would land on top of the island anyway."
Roy: "Yeah. And you just deflected. What's wrong?"
Dick: "I've just been having trouble falling asleep. It's nothing big."
Roy: "Why?" Roy asked, stroking Dick's stomach.
Dick: "I don't know. My mind won't stop thinking."
Roy: "What about? Anything in particular? and would goodnight sex help?" Roy smirked a little.
Dick: Dick laughed. "I'd never complain about a little goodnight sex. I have no doubt that'd help."
Roy: "Well then." Roy said, "Before bed, if I'm not awake, wake me up and we'll have a round before I go to sleep." he smiled at Dick, "Of course, if I'm really sleepy, you'll have to top."
Dick: "Mmm. I think I can deal with that hardship." Dick kissed his nose.
Roy: Roy chuckled, "I'm sure you can too."
Dick: "Mmm. Hadn't we mentioned something about tying you up again?"
Roy: "Yesss..." Roy said.
Dick: Dick nipped his jaw. "It was fun."
Roy: "Yes it was." Roy agreed, tilting his head back, "It was a damn good fuck."
Dick: "Mmm." Dick scraped his teeth against Roy's stubble. "Was amazing. You felt so good. Always do."
Roy: "Mmm." Roy chuckled, "You do, too. You felt amazing... sometimes I wish you topped more often. 'Cause damn, I love feeling you in me."
Dick: "All you have to do is ask, babe. I do like topping, you know. Love having you inside me, but either way is amazing."
Roy: Roy nuzzled Dick's ear, "And I love being in you, too." he purred, "I just love having sex with you. You're amazing."
Dick: "So're you," Dick tweaked one of Roy's nipples through his shirt. "It's always great with us."
Roy: "Yes, it is." Roy agreed.
Dick: Dick kissed him.
Roy: Roy kissed him back, threading his fingers through Dick's hair.
Dick: Dick ran his hands over Roy's shoulder and cupped his neck in his hands.
Roy: Roy hummed appreciatively and kissed him again, warmly.
Dick: Dick smiled against Roy's mouth and ran his toes down Roy's leg.
Roy: "Hey!" Roy chuckled, "Tickles!"
Dick: Dick's eyes twinkled and he moved a hand to tickle Roy's ribs.
Roy: "AGH!" Roy squirmed, "No! AAAAGHHH, Dick!!!"
Dick: Dick laughed and pushed Roy's shirt up for better access. He blew a raspberry on Roy's stomach.
Roy: "Eeeek!" Roy giggled, "stop it'
Dick: Dick giggled and licked the underside of his ribcage. "Better?"
Roy: "Mmm.... marginally." Roy chuckled.
Dick: Dick bit down.
Roy: "Aaaaaah!" Roy arched into Dick's mouth, "Much better!"
Dick: Dick kissed the bite and ran his hands up Roy's sides. He sucked hickeys into Roy's chest.
Roy: Roy's fingers threaded through Dick's hair and he whimpered as Dick sucked at sensitive skin, considerately staying far enough away from the scars to not trouble him.
Dick: "So good," Dick murmured against his skin. He nipped lightly, just under Roy's arm, then licked.
Roy: Roy shivered, "Holy fuck, Dick."
Dick: Dick smacked his thigh. "Was that a Robin joke?"
Roy: "No." Roy said, eyes dark with lust.
Dick: "Good." Dick smiled and licked his collar bone, pushing his shirt up further. Hmm. "How much do you like this shirt?"
Roy: "Not a whole lot." Roy said, his fingers lost in Dick's sleek black hair.
Dick: Dick tore it off in one clean motion. "I didn't like it much either," he said, licking Roy's now-exposed neck.
Roy: Roy arched up to Dick, groaning softly, "Dick...."
Dick: Dick palmed him lightly through his pants. "Yes...?"
Roy: Roy bit his lip, rolling his hips into Dick's hand, "Damn, that's good." he said softly, moving so his leg was between Dick's legs.
Dick: "Does," Dick agreed. He grinned and ground down against Roy's leg, moaning softly. "Fuck."
Roy: "That'd be good." Roy agreed, groaning.
Dick: Dick bit Roy's shoulder, then unbuttoned Roy's pants. "We need to be more naked," he said.
Roy: "That'd be nice." Roy chuckled, tugging Dick's pants open and down.
Dick: Dick nodded and sat back on Roy's legs. He pulled his shirt off slowly, showing himself off just a little.
Roy: Roy looked up at him with lusty eyes, petting up Dick's lean sides, "You're so fuckin' beautiful." he whispered.
Dick: Dick leaned down and kissed him. "So're you, my sexy archer." He pushed Roy's pants down and laughed. "No underwear?" he ghosted a kiss over Roy's cock.
Roy: "Mmm.... didn't feel like it." Roy tried to press up to Dick's mouth, "Was a nice day."
Dick: Dick moved his mouth and flicked his tongue against Roy's cock. "Patience, honey." He got up and went to find the lube, kicking his pants off as he went.
Roy: Dick walking away was nearly as good as Dick up on him and Roy palmed his cock, "Fuck... you know how bad I at patience."
Dick: Dick poked his head out of the bedroom. "Hey! No touching! That's my job!"
Roy: Roy whimpered, "Diiiiiiick!" he took his hand away though.
Dick: "It'll be worth it in the eeeend!" Dick sang back. He grabbed the lube and walked back. "Hey, sexy."
Roy: "I knowwww..." Roy grinned and leaned up to kiss Dick "Hiii."
Dick: Dick kissed him. "Mmm." He gave Roy's cock a gentle squeeze... too light, he knew.
Roy: Roy tossed his head, "Dn." he hissed, "Dick!"
Dick: "Roy," Dick moaned back. He pulled one of Roy's legs over his shoulder and slicked a finger. "Ready?"
Roy: "Always." Roy panted.
Dick: Dick pushed his finger into Roy slowly.
Roy: Roy arched and gasped, "Di-iiick."
Dick: Dick wrapped his other hand firmly around Roy's cock and kissed his knee. "Just tell me when you want more."
Roy: "Dick, more." he pressed into Dick's hand.
Dick: Dick nodded and pushed a second finger in. "Better?"
Roy: "Mmm... mmm-hmmm." Roy's eyes rolled back ,"Fuck yeah. Like that."
Dick: Dick jerked Roy off in time with his fingers. "Feel so good, babe." He scissored his fingers.
Roy: Roy shuddered and bucked up "Yeah. Fuck, Dick, harder!" he groaned.
Dick: Dick slipped a third finger in.
Roy: Roy keened softly, "Diiiiiiiiiick..." he licked his lips, rolling his hip slowly, rutting himself on Dick's hand. "You want this?" he tightened himself around Dick's fingers. "Do you?"
Dick: "So badly," Dick gasped. He twisted his fingers. "Fuck, Roy."
Roy: "Yeah." Roy bit his lip, "C'mon... fuck me a'ready."
Dick: Dick grinned and leaned forward to kiss him, keeping his fingers inside him. Then he pulled them out and positioned himself under Roy.
As per usual we didn't finish. We are lazy like that. Cut to next therapy session!
Roy: Roy decided this was the most evil chair in the world. Easily.
Dick: Dick looked around, everywhere, but at Roy. Their knees were touching, though, and that was comforting.
Roy: The therapist did not sigh, but she shifted in her chair. At least they wouldn't need a divorce attorney... "Why don't we talk about guilt today." she said. That was generally a good topic.
Roy: Roy's head snapped up and he stared at her. Why did she have to pick on HIM?
Dick: Dick stared very firmly at the floor. He had a lot of guilt, though most of it he couldn't mention, of course.
Roy: "Let's start with
Roy: ... Dick."
Dick: Dick's head snapped up. "What?"
Roy: "Let's start with you. What do you feel guilty about? And is there something you think your partner should feel guilty about?"
Dick: "Roy shouldn't feel guilty about anything. I'm the one who strays."
Roy: "All right. Let's talk about that guilt." she had thought that that would be the best way to open Mr. Grayson's tough nut.
Dick: Dick shrugged. "I didn't really think about it."
Roy: "Then take a moment, and think about it now."
Dick: "What about it?"
Roy: "Is there anything you feel guilty about?"
Dick: Dick shrugged. "Of course. Lots of things."
Roy: "Share with your partner."
Roy: she moved her hand towards Roy, who looked at Dick steadily, completely expecting him to not say anything. "I'll go first." he said, knowing otherwise Dick would just dig his heels in.
Dick: Dick looked up at him.
Roy: "I feel guilty about lots of things. Doing drugs, and all attached to that, my job, sleeping with Jade... not too guilty there actually. "
Roy: "What about with your partner." she asked. Damn, foiled. Mr. Grayson perhaps didn't want to be here...?
Roy: "With Dick?" Roy looked at Dick and reached for a lie, nothing, "I hate myself for sleeping with him when he was with Kory and Barbara." he blurted.
Dick: "That wasn't your fault," Dick said quickly.
Roy: "Yes it most certainly was." Roy said, "i could've said no. Just made it into what you always said it was, just hanging out."
Dick: "And I didn't have to take advantage of the fact that I knew you wouldn't!"
Roy: "You didn't take advantage, don't be ridiculous. "roy snorted.
Roy: "If anybody was asking for it, it was me."
Dick: "And I was in a relationship. I"
Dick: "shouldn't have done anything. I should have had more self control."
Roy: The therapist raised a hand, "Is that true, that Roy asked you to stray, Dick?" she could very much tell it wasn't. "Whose idea was it, the first time?"
Roy: "Kinda just happened, the first time." Roy said hesitantly.
Dick: "We didn't really talk about it," Dick said.
Roy: "I see. You didn't really... talk.... about it." she nodded as if that were very very important.
Dick: Dick curled his foot around Roy's and didn't say anything.
Roy: "Dick, why didn't you say anything?"
Dick: "I didn't have anything to say about it."
Roy: "About sleeping with Roy?"
Dick: "Yeah."
Roy: "you had nothing to say about it?"
Roy: Roy turned his face away, starting to flush unhappily.
Dick: Dick didn't look at either of them. "I figured we could just forget about it."
Roy: that had to hurt, but the therapist kept her face a blank, "You figured you could just forget about having sex with your best friend?"
Roy: Roy's face turned redder in something close to absolute humiliation.
Dick: Dick closed his eyes. "I was an idiot. I know."
Roy: "And then... the times after that, did you just want to forget those, too?" She knew she was torturing Roy, but also that the couple needed this. they were doomed if this was their relationship, but maybe they'd make it.
Dick: "I didn't think that we'd do it again! And I didn't... I told myself Roy wouldn't want to talk about it either."
Roy: Roy looked at him out of the corner of his eye, "Then why DID we do it again?"
Dick: Dick shrugged unhappily.
Roy: "You don't *know*?" Roy asked him, looking at him full-on.
Dick: Dick gave him a miserable look. "I never... whenever I went to you. It was never... I wasn't planning to sleep with you. But then... it happened anyway."
Roy: "Oh." Roy said dully.
Dick: "I'm sorry," Dick whispered.
Roy: Roy bit the inside of his cheek and wouldn't let himself cry, "Why are you with me *now*?"
Dick: Dick felt for his hand. "I love you."
Roy: "You... when'd you decide *that*?"
Dick: Dick shook his head. "It was always true. But it took me a while to realize I was *in* love with you."
Roy: "Because you just want to forget sleeping with someone you love." Roy knew that was venomous but really... what were they even doing?
Dick: "I do when I shouldn't have done it! Roy, I was in a relationship!"
Roy: "I'm *sorry*, okay?" Roy snarled, "I knew it was wrong and I knew it but I thought.... I don't even know what I was thinking! I loved you." his voice broke and he had to look away, "I loved you, Dick. And I thought you at least wanted to. I thought that was why you came over, because you wanted to... because I made you happy in a way they didn't."
Roy: "Guess I was wrong. Again."
Dick: "Roy..." Dick took his hand and squeezed it. "It wasn't... you... I don't know what to tell you! Do you want me to say that it was always you I loved most and Kory and Barbara and all the others I've dated were just beards or something? Because it wouldn't be true! I loved you too, but I also loved them! And it wasn't... how could I plan something like that? I didn't want to hurt them or you! I just... god." He closed his eyes. "I don't know what to say."
Roy: "Of course I don't want you to say that." Roy's voice was harsh and thin as glass, "I know it wouldn't be true but I'd like you to tell me I at least mattered to you as much as they did. And I don't know how you'd plan it or anything, I've never cheated on somebody! I've never been so dissatisfied I had to have someone AND someone else. I'd just break up with someone and try and *find* someone else."
Dick: "Of course you did. You're you. You couldn't possibly not matter to me." He couldn't answer the rest of it. He knew he shouldn't have done what he'd done.
Roy: "But I could obviously not matter enough."
Roy: Roy instantly wished he hadn't said that.
Dick: Dick looked at him, hurt. "You matter enough now."
Roy: "That's true." the therapist said, "Dick's here with you- and wants to put forth effort in the relationship."
Dick: Dick looked at her. He'd all but forgotten she was there.
Roy: Roy took a hard breath and blinked back tears, "Yeah. Sorry. Shouldn't've said that."
Dick: Dick let go of Roy's hand and leaned back in his chair. He couldn't wait for this to be over.
Roy: The therapist turned to Roy, "How do you think you should deal with your guilt?"
Roy: Roy shrugged listlessly, "Keep it to myself and out or my relationship."
Dick: Dick frowned at him.
Roy: "Wrong." she shook her head, "That'll just hurt the relationship further."
Roy: "Then what am I supposed to do?" Roy asked, "Rehashing it won't help."
Roy: "You ned to learn to let go." she said, nodding wisely, "Forgive yourself. Forgive Dick's thoughtless attitude towards your feelings. When you are t peace with yourself you can be at peace with your partner."
Dick: "Very zen," Dick muttered under his breath.
Roy: Roy sighed.
Roy: The woman actually glared at Dick, "And I think we've had a good session today. Take a deep cleansing breath and 'll see you on Tuesday." Roy didn't bother with the breath.
Dick: "Thank you." Dick stood up.
Roy: Roy was already out of the office and heading downstairs.
Dick: Dick hurried after him and slid into the car without a word.
Roy: Roy buckled himself in and started the car, driving silently home.
Dick: Dick didn't cry. But he wouldn't look at Roy the whole way home.
Roy: Roy stopped the car, but this time he didn't sit in the drivers seat and wait, he fled inside and into the apartment. He slammed the bathroom door shut behind him and slid down onto the bathroom floor. He stared blankly at the toilet, and then covered his face and cried.
Dick: Dick didn't go inside. He couldn't, yet. He left the car, got on his bike, and rode out.
Dick: He found himself, almost without thinking about it (and wasn't that just typical of him), at Jason's apartment. He stopped and locked his bike, then went up and knocked on the door.
Roy: Jason cursed roundly and got up off his couch and headed to the... oh, look, Dick... doorway. He opened it, "C'mon in." he tilted his head since his arm was still in a sling.
Dick: Dick gave him a small smile. "Hi. How's your arm?"
Jason: "Ehh, it hurts like a bitch. Doing good though. How're you doing? Can I getcha anything? I have... takeout." he made a face.
Dick: "No... I'm not really hungry, thanks. And me? Oh... I'm fine." Dick gave him a quick, slightly distracted hug and walked in.
Jason: "Mmhmm.
Jason: " Jason eyed Dick as he went past, "No you're not."
Dick: Dick shrugged. "Then I'll be fine." He flopped on the couch. "I'm in therapy after all. Isn't that what therapy's supposed to do?"
Jason: "I'm not real sure what therapy's supposed to do." Jason said, going back to the couch and lying back down, "I heard somewhere it's about lancing wounds. Letting the infection out or somesuch shit."
Dick: "I have no idea. All I know is that so far it's only made things worse."
Jason: "Mine put me in the hospital." Jason commiserated, "What'd yours do?"
Dick: "Roy and I are fighting worse than ever."
Jason: "You are?" Jason frowned. "That sucks."
Dick: "I know. We just got back. He went inside. We didn't talk in the car ride. I didn't know what to do."
Jason: "Maybe you two should have fought about things all along... and you came *here*?" Jason gaped at his brother, "Are you *Bruce*?"
Dick: Dick glared at him.
Jason: "What?" Jason asked, "It's a legitimate question for as asinine as you're being!"
Dick: "No, I am not Bruce. As you *know.* I just couldn't be with him right then!"
Jason: "Even if he needs you?" Jason snapped.
Jason: "But maybe he's glad you left him alone. I dunno." he shrugged.
Dick: "Why would he need me?" Dick flopped his arms over his chest. "He probably hates me now. He barely waited for me to get in the fucking car before taking off."
Jason: "What happened?" Jason frowned.
Dick: "We talked. About... my mistakes."
Jason: "I thought he knew about those? And you know Roy couldn't hate you if he wanted to." which he probably had, a time or two.
Dick: "Of course he knows about them. He was there. Doesn't mean we've talked about them."
Jason: "Right." Jason said, rapidly becoming confused, "You... didn't say he was a mistake or anything did you?"
Dick: "What I did was a mistake," Dick said. "He isn't... now he isn't, but I hadn't meant to sleep with him the first few times."
Jason: "And you told him that."
Dick: "Yeah... I mean, what was I supposed to say?"
Jason: "I don't know. How could you have said that and not made him feel like shit that just dragged poor innocent little you off to his lair to be ravished, screaming?"
Dick: Dick blinked at him. "Why the hell would he feel like that? It didn't happen like that at all!"
Jason: "Maybe because the 'I didn't mean to sleep with him the first few times' might possibly sound like he seduced you?"
Jason: "Or, knowing the two of you, got you drunk and then took advantage. That is *possibly* what that sounds like, and possibly what happened except Roy'd never ever touch you if you were even tipsy back then."
Dick: "I just didn't plan it. He didn't take advantage or anything."
Jason: "Oh. Well." Jason frowned, "So you didn't... never mind." he sighed, "Dick... that was probably not the best thing you could have said to Roy. My bet is he's more hurt than mad."
Dick: Dick frowned and lay back on the couch. "I don't want to hurt him. I hate hurting him."
Jason: "Well, that's good." Jason said, then sighed, "Can we go to my bedroom so *I* can lie down too, please?" he tugged Dick's hair.
Dick: "Oh, yeah, sure." Dick stood up. "Sorry. Wasn't thinking. As usual."
Jason: "S'okay." Jason heaved himself up and led the way to his frighteningly tidy room. He lay down comfortably and stared at the ceiling, "But I really bet he's not all that mad."
Dick: Dick lay down next to him. "You think?"
Jason: "I think he's not mad." Jason said, "I think he's upset, but I don't thinnk he's angry."
Dick: "I should apologize."
Jason: "For not thinking aboutwhat you were saying and being insensitive, probably."
Dick: "Right." Dick sighed. "I'm such an idiot, Jays."
Jason: Jason managed to roll awkwardly onto his side to look at his brother, "Not all the time. And I dunno, maybe I'm all wrong about this and he's really so pissed he could spit. But from what I'm hearing you weren't the sharpest hearing of Bats."
Dick: "I never think! Or listen! I just... I shouldn't have cheated. I love Roy, and I'm glad I'm with him, but that doesn't stop it from having been a mistake."
Jason: "Yes, you do too think, no, you shouldn't have... or maybe you should have actually left one of them to be with him." Jason said, "I mean, come on, you two were a joke when I was a Titan."
Dick: "But I loved them too!"
Jason: "I dunno, Dick. I mean, I know that I wouldn't have been looking his way even. But you were. That has to tell you something about how you were with Kory. And Babs..." Jason sighed, flopping back onto his back with a wince, "Not going there. I'm not a shrink."
Dick: "I don't know." Dick put his arm over his forehead. "I don't want to think about the past. It's done."
Jason: "I think you can't dwell on it... but you have to acknowledge it. I mean, without the past you don't got now."
Dick: "Right, I guess."
Jason: Jason shrugged his functioning side, "Least that's what I think. Could be wrong. Probably am."
Dick: "No, you're probably right. I just... agh. I should go back and talk to him."
Jason: "Probably."
Dick: "It's hard," he whined.
Jason: "So's life. Suck it."
Dick: "Heh. Yeah." He sat up. "Thanks for letting me come in and angst at you."
Jason: "Anytime." Jason muscled himself upright and hugged Dick awkwardly, "It'll be okay. Apologize and tell him you were an idiot but you love him. Should work."
Dick: "I hope so," Dick said, hugging him back tightly. "Hope your arm feels better. I'll try to come by and see you some time when I'm not just here to whine later, okay?"
Jason: "Okay." Jason chuckled, "Just don't be slippin' me no drugs, you got that?"
Dick: Dick laughed. "I'll be good."
Jason: "Good. Now go on, scram." Jason batted at him and lay back down. "Lock up good behind you, got that?"
Dick: "Sure, will do." Dick waved and headed out.
There is traveling.
Dick: Dick knocked on the bathroom door.
Roy: Roy raised his head, "Piss in the sink."
Dick: "I don't have to piss," Dick said. "Let me in? Please?"
Roy: "What d'you want?" Roy asked unhappily.
Dick: "To talk. Apologize." Dick could force the door if he needed to, but he'd rather Roy let him in.
Roy: "And I can hear you through the door just fine."
Dick: "Please? I need..." to see him, to touch him, hug him. "Roy, let me in?"
Roy: Roy banged his head back against the door, "Whatcha need?" he asked, "Do you know what you need?"
Dick: Dick leaned his head against the door. "I need you."
Roy: Roy glared at the unoffending toilet and wished he had it in him to leave Dick out there. "Fine." he unlocked the door and scooted so it'd open.
Dick: Dick pushed the door open and sat next to Roy. "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking about what I was saying. I love you so much and I hate that what I said hurt you so much."
Roy: Roy looked at him, "But it was true. Wasn't it."
Dick: "Which part?"
Roy: "All of it."
Dick: "I don't know. I... shouldn't have slept with you when I was dating other people. But I love you. I never, ever wanted to hurt you." He tentatively touched Roy's shoulder.
Roy: Roy shrugged, "I shouldn't have slept with you either. It's been bugging me for ages. I should've let you be... or asked you to leave 'em."
Dick: Dick put his head on Roy's shoulder. "I don't know. It wasn't your fault or anything though. I mean, I knew what I was doing."
Roy: Roy looked down at Dick, "I guess."
Dick: "Contrary to popular belief, I do have some control over my sexual impulses. Just because I make awful choices doesn't mean they aren't my choices."
Roy: Roy's lips turned up slightly, "They're good looking choices at least."
Dick: "You are at that. And I'm very happy I'm with you now. You know that?"
Roy: Roy shrugged a shoulder unhappily, "I thought you were."
Dick: Dick wrapped his arms around Roy. "I am."
Roy: "I'm sorry I was a jerk about the therapist."
Dick: "I'm sorry I was a jerk most of my life."
Roy: "You haven't been a jerk most of your life, Dick!" Roy said sternly, "You're a great guy. I love you..." with a bit of relief he realized that was indeed true and the worst of the hurt was gone, "And I don't, as a rule, like jerks."
Dick: ((Dick: *cough*Cheshire*cough* And you like Ollie (in a different way) but still! But he is only thinking that because Roy seems to be forgiving him!))
Roy: "Don't bring up Jade- she's not a jerk she's a sociopath."
Dick: Dick sighed and kissed Roy's cheek. "I wasn't planning on it. And if not a jerk, then an idiot."
Roy: "Occasionally." Roy said, nuzzling Dick.
Dick: Dick pet his cheek. "I love you too. And you aren't a jerk either."
Roy: "Thanks." Roy smiled a little, closing his eyes and letting his head rest on Dick's. his head ached.
Dick: Dick pulled Roy's arms around him. "Will we be okay?"
Roy: Roy held tightly to Dick, "I love you." he whispered, "And we'll be okay."
Dick: "Good." Dick kissed him gently.
Roy: Roy kissed him lightly.
Dick: Dick smiled. "Want to leave the bathroom?" he suggested.
Roy: "Yeah." Roy got up slowly, "Sounds like a good idea."
Dick: Dick stood up with him. "I really am sorry. I hate hurting you."
Roy: "It's okay."
Dick: Dick took his hand and opened the bathroom door. "I love you."
Roy: "I love you too." Roy squeezed his hand.