random thoughts of an insomniac
i can't sleep. today was a busy day. i've been tanning a lot lately, sitting out in the backyard. it feels good to be tan. i feel pretty. i've also been working out with mom. i also cut my hair again. i figure, if i'm back on the market, i might as well become attractive again (because god knows i was a frump for awhile). i've been making things better with my family, which hasn't gotten better just because karl and i broke up. it's gotten better because i've put in the effort. i realize now that my family is very important to me, which is something i wish i would have realized before. i've also been visiting grandma at the hospital. she had her surgery today. i think she's gonna make it. i guess this is the mature side of me peaking through. i've been trying to focus on what's important to me, and what should be important to me.
i've considered quitting smoking cigarettes for new years. this gives me enough time now to enjoy it, i guess.
the days feel so long lately. even if i wake up late, it still seems so long. i watched heroes tonight, even though i missed last week's episode. i'm downloading last week's right now, seeing as how i don't have my usual go-to source to see it. i also watched weeds and dexter. the song they played in weeds really got to me. it was sufjan stevens, of course, and (of course) it was the most beautifully simplistic song i've ever heard. i put it on myspace. i referred to it as "the story of us." the story of what my life once was when i shared it with someone else. it's amazing how my whole life is shaped and molded by music. it's amazing to feel so empowered one minute, just by a song, and in the next minute and next song, you feel completely different. it's amazing how memory is tied to music. to know that no matter how much time has gone by, no matter what has happened, that you will always think of that particular moment in time when you first heard a song, or the first thing that song ever made you think of. that memory stays frozen in time, forever, almost as if a ghost haunting you when you put it on. music is man's most beautiful invention.
i don't know what else to say here, but i figure this is my outlit from the world. i have no one to talk to about my feelings, no one who seems to understand me anyway, so i might as well talk to myself or the imaginary reader who reads this (and i'm so tired of talking to myself). i hope the imaginary reader understands me.
good night, imaginary reader.
i've considered quitting smoking cigarettes for new years. this gives me enough time now to enjoy it, i guess.
the days feel so long lately. even if i wake up late, it still seems so long. i watched heroes tonight, even though i missed last week's episode. i'm downloading last week's right now, seeing as how i don't have my usual go-to source to see it. i also watched weeds and dexter. the song they played in weeds really got to me. it was sufjan stevens, of course, and (of course) it was the most beautifully simplistic song i've ever heard. i put it on myspace. i referred to it as "the story of us." the story of what my life once was when i shared it with someone else. it's amazing how my whole life is shaped and molded by music. it's amazing to feel so empowered one minute, just by a song, and in the next minute and next song, you feel completely different. it's amazing how memory is tied to music. to know that no matter how much time has gone by, no matter what has happened, that you will always think of that particular moment in time when you first heard a song, or the first thing that song ever made you think of. that memory stays frozen in time, forever, almost as if a ghost haunting you when you put it on. music is man's most beautiful invention.
i don't know what else to say here, but i figure this is my outlit from the world. i have no one to talk to about my feelings, no one who seems to understand me anyway, so i might as well talk to myself or the imaginary reader who reads this (and i'm so tired of talking to myself). i hope the imaginary reader understands me.
good night, imaginary reader.