(no subject)
went to work at 6:30 this morning, after staying up until almost two AM the night prior, in which i hung out with karl for the whole day. it was a fun day, getting to lay around and talk, and think, and embrace nature, embrace our love, everything. his father had had a problem yesterday with his stomach (thinking it was most likely due to food poisoning), and all day karl was worried and nervous and concerned for his father. i felt bad, thinking that i really liked karl's family a lot, and that i love karl a helluva lot, and would never want to see him be sad or depressed over the loss of a loved one. i felt like sam in garden state for a moment once more, remembering how karl always referred to me as his "garden state girl." i loved when he called me that. thank goodness his father is alright now. it took a lot of stress off of karl's mind, and i wanted so much for him to be happy. but it felt incredible to bond with him even moreso than usual. all day with him was love ... real, honest, deep, erotic, magical.
today was a good day, though. had some stressful times at work every now and again, but i kept my composure and maintained my anxiety at a low level. and the day didn't go by so slowly, so that made things easier. and even the feel of the air ― last night and today ― was more mellow and cool than usual. and then coming home and laying around relaxing was good.
i went to taco bell prior to going home, for my dad who was hungry, and while waiting in line, i kept hearing a man one person behind me screaming obscenities at the top of his lungs. "WHAT THE FUCK, MAN!?! WHAT THE FUCK IS TAKING SO LONG??? I GOTTA GO, MAN, HURRY THE FUCK UP!" i scowled behind me and retorted, "you know, you really should chill the FUCK out." and he goes, "NAH, MAN, I GOTTA BE AT FUCKING WORK, MAN, I'M NOT GONNA BE LATE!" and then i say, "well, then you should have gone to MOTHERFUCKING mickey d's, instead of sitting here and screaming at the hard FUCKING working people at FUCKING taco bell?!" "MISS, SHUT THE FUCK UP! I SWEAR, MISS, SHUT THE FUCK UP!" "miss? MISS MY ASS, MOTHERFUCKER. SHUT THE FUCK UP AND HAVE SOME FUCKING DECENCY. OOOOH, KARMA'S GONNA BITE YOU IN THE FUCKING ASS, YOU'RE GONNA GET IT BAD." and then i proceeded to tell the cashier in front of me to spit in the guy's food. after that, i grabbed my food and as i walked past him mumbled, "motherfucker."
that situation really made me think more about my anger issues. i really hope that i don't let myself get to that psycho's point, where you'll start a fucking argument in public over wanting a fast food line to go faster, when you know that you should leave the house ten minutes early so you can get food (that even if it's called fast food and goes hella slow it's still fast enough to get you to work on time a.k.a. mickey d's).
seeing that guy makes me feel like i never want to be angry or full of rage ever again in my life. i want to be at peace with myself, the ones i love, and the people around me. i want to not take everyone's words so seriously all the time. i want to just learn to let loose and have fun without worrying about the what-ifs and the future every second. i want to be calm, relaxed, poised but not tense. just ... smooth. mellow. chill.
i think i might be hungry. i probably am. i only ate sushi and drank coffee today. ah, well. maybe some cereal.
today was a good day, though. had some stressful times at work every now and again, but i kept my composure and maintained my anxiety at a low level. and the day didn't go by so slowly, so that made things easier. and even the feel of the air ― last night and today ― was more mellow and cool than usual. and then coming home and laying around relaxing was good.
i went to taco bell prior to going home, for my dad who was hungry, and while waiting in line, i kept hearing a man one person behind me screaming obscenities at the top of his lungs. "WHAT THE FUCK, MAN!?! WHAT THE FUCK IS TAKING SO LONG??? I GOTTA GO, MAN, HURRY THE FUCK UP!" i scowled behind me and retorted, "you know, you really should chill the FUCK out." and he goes, "NAH, MAN, I GOTTA BE AT FUCKING WORK, MAN, I'M NOT GONNA BE LATE!" and then i say, "well, then you should have gone to MOTHERFUCKING mickey d's, instead of sitting here and screaming at the hard FUCKING working people at FUCKING taco bell?!" "MISS, SHUT THE FUCK UP! I SWEAR, MISS, SHUT THE FUCK UP!" "miss? MISS MY ASS, MOTHERFUCKER. SHUT THE FUCK UP AND HAVE SOME FUCKING DECENCY. OOOOH, KARMA'S GONNA BITE YOU IN THE FUCKING ASS, YOU'RE GONNA GET IT BAD." and then i proceeded to tell the cashier in front of me to spit in the guy's food. after that, i grabbed my food and as i walked past him mumbled, "motherfucker."
that situation really made me think more about my anger issues. i really hope that i don't let myself get to that psycho's point, where you'll start a fucking argument in public over wanting a fast food line to go faster, when you know that you should leave the house ten minutes early so you can get food (that even if it's called fast food and goes hella slow it's still fast enough to get you to work on time a.k.a. mickey d's).
seeing that guy makes me feel like i never want to be angry or full of rage ever again in my life. i want to be at peace with myself, the ones i love, and the people around me. i want to not take everyone's words so seriously all the time. i want to just learn to let loose and have fun without worrying about the what-ifs and the future every second. i want to be calm, relaxed, poised but not tense. just ... smooth. mellow. chill.
i think i might be hungry. i probably am. i only ate sushi and drank coffee today. ah, well. maybe some cereal.