We all know that we carry masks. Cover our true selves in a few different shields. There's the you that you think you project. That confident creature that has their world handled
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Sorry if this is a little long. Post from last summer in another blogmistigger33March 10 2008, 15:04:40 UTC
I had a conversation the other day about the cloaks one wears, and since then, I've had this dancing around in the back of my head. So I figured the best way to resolve any thoughts and put them into order was to write... So here it is. We as a society are a society of insecurities and masks. Or rather the different cloaks that we pull on to not let the rest of the world see the real us. We have insecurities about our jobs and our bodies. Some of us our voices and if we are doing enough for everyone else.
I personally try to live my life so that I will have no regrets, but I look back right now, and see one big regret. That I actually care(d) what people think or thought about me. I'm very insecure. But the funny thing is. Depending on what mask I am wearing that day... You may never know it.
What brought me to this realization you ask? Well... John and I were spending the evening alone last night and just goofing off and having fun together. While we were in the kitchen making iced tea, he happen to laugh at a though that he had had... But didn't tell me what. I thought he was laughing at me. And through a bit of conversation he realized that I have a minor complex about thinking that I am doing something wrong or that someone is always going to laugh at me. I always need validation. Now there are a bunch of reasons that I could go into for why that is, but that is for another entry...
The thing that hit me was that my HUSBAND. With whom I have spent great deals of time with over the past 4 years... We have been married for nearly 2, did not know about this complex. So have I been constantly wearing some sort of cloak or mask around him for that entire time?
Granted, I have become expert at hiding the things that I don't want people to see, but I have no secrets from John. Or at least I thought I had none. What else might I be hiding?
In my workplace I wear yet another mask. I wear one of self confidence, and even authority. Yet I never feel in control, and Lord knows I'm not the boss. At home I slip into generally the dutiful wife cloak with ease. It's generally something I enjoy, but if I wasn't the dutiful wife, then who would I be at home? When I'm a WENCH, I am a completely different person, but that person is different that the one that I was as Zoe at the Faire for the last 3 years. The Wench is Bold and brassy, and openly flirtatious. Zoe was a wall flower who picked up the straglers and played with the children or knitted alone. So why is my Wench character named the EXACT same thing as my old faire character?
Is it because I am an actor that I casually put on so many masks and cloaks? Why I refuse to let anyone see my insecurities? I try to live my life like an open book, but I think I may have come to the realization that I am living in someone else's play...
Maybe it's about time to write my own damned story....
Sorry if I was rambling... I was just trying to get all of the thoughts out...
We as a society are a society of insecurities and masks. Or rather the different cloaks that we pull on to not let the rest of the world see the real us. We have insecurities about our jobs and our bodies. Some of us our voices and if we are doing enough for everyone else.
I personally try to live my life so that I will have no regrets, but I look back right now, and see one big regret. That I actually care(d) what people think or thought about me. I'm very insecure. But the funny thing is. Depending on what mask I am wearing that day... You may never know it.
What brought me to this realization you ask? Well... John and I were spending the evening alone last night and just goofing off and having fun together. While we were in the kitchen making iced tea, he happen to laugh at a though that he had had... But didn't tell me what. I thought he was laughing at me. And through a bit of conversation he realized that I have a minor complex about thinking that I am doing something wrong or that someone is always going to laugh at me. I always need validation. Now there are a bunch of reasons that I could go into for why that is, but that is for another entry...
The thing that hit me was that my HUSBAND. With whom I have spent great deals of time with over the past 4 years... We have been married for nearly 2, did not know about this complex. So have I been constantly wearing some sort of cloak or mask around him for that entire time?
Granted, I have become expert at hiding the things that I don't want people to see, but I have no secrets from John. Or at least I thought I had none. What else might I be hiding?
In my workplace I wear yet another mask. I wear one of self confidence, and even authority. Yet I never feel in control, and Lord knows I'm not the boss. At home I slip into generally the dutiful wife cloak with ease. It's generally something I enjoy, but if I wasn't the dutiful wife, then who would I be at home? When I'm a WENCH, I am a completely different person, but that person is different that the one that I was as Zoe at the Faire for the last 3 years. The Wench is Bold and brassy, and openly flirtatious. Zoe was a wall flower who picked up the straglers and played with the children or knitted alone. So why is my Wench character named the EXACT same thing as my old faire character?
Is it because I am an actor that I casually put on so many masks and cloaks? Why I refuse to let anyone see my insecurities? I try to live my life like an open book, but I think I may have come to the realization that I am living in someone else's play...
Maybe it's about time to write my own damned story....
Sorry if I was rambling... I was just trying to get all of the thoughts out...
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