i'll be doing my best and i'll see you soon
[It's been a long while since Mello fell asleep, and Matt's just laid there, unable to sleep; he just keeps going over what he remembers of his death in his mind, over and over and over, analyzing the entire thing - how it happened, how the prick could've gotten the drop on him. That's all that really bothers him, really, is that he was so easily overcome. The fact that this is all that bothers him also bothers him quite a bit.
Realization finally dawns, and Matt just stretches a bit beneath Mello's still form, taking a deep breath and sighing it gently through his nose.]
I let it happen. Like a fucking coward, I gave up and let it happen.
[He looks down at Mello, smiling faintly as his eyes burn without tears.] It was worth it, though.
[[private to down_to_nowhere]]