Idol, Friends and Rivals, Week 2 - Follow Me
“Came to say goodbye,” he says, and he fidgets with the strap of his duffel.
And it’s hard to tell for sure with my room so dark and his hood pulled up, but I think there’s a bruise on his cheek. My hand reaches out like I don’t control it, but he steps back before I can touch him. He crosses his arms, and even with only the faint glow from my nightlight to watch him by, I can see how he kinda curls in on himself.
“Y- you’re leaving?” My own words echo in my ears, and I kinda feel like someone dumped ice water down my back. “But what about Multiversity, and --”
“Fuck Multi.” His eyes glint like gold and he looks away.
I know I should say something, but I can’t. And I know I should feel something, but I can’t do that either. It’s kinda like my heart’s wrapped in gauze and maybe my ears are, too. They’re ringing with this silence I can hear, and he’s leaving and I don’t know how to stop him.
“But your career assignment,” I say, and I’m groping for reasons for him to stay. “How’re you gonna find work without it?”
“Not gonna matter.” He shakes his head with this sad little smile. “Not where I’m going.”
My heart drops into my fuzzy slippers, and for a minute I can’t even speak. Because there’s nowhere in the Republic that’ll hire you without your assignment, not unless you’re a High-Ender like me. And that means --
“You’re gonna… hop the fence?” I breathe. “What’re you gonna do in Majeria? I mean, you’ve seen the Scare Spots, dude, and it’s all about the war over there, and --”
“Fuck the Scare Spots.” He bites his lip and he stares at the ceiling. “Least I’d have a chance over there.”
His long lashes glisten with moisture, and I can’t imagine what kind of a chance he’ll have in that strange, rough place. But he keeps on eyeing my open window, and I know he’s gonna bolt any minute and I can’t find the words to fix it.
“What about Randall?” I squeak. “Isn’t he gonna worry?”
He staggers back like I’ve slapped him, the second he hears his boyfriend’s name. His knees hit the back of my bed and unhinge, and the springs creak under him as he sits down hard. He blinks at me and he lets his hood fall away from his beautiful, bloodless face, and my head fills with fire when I see the marks Randall left on him.
“Fuck Randall, too,” he says, in this tiny, ragged voice.
His shoulders sag and his head droops, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone look so tired. But he shoves himself up off the mattress, and my stomach goes all wobbly while I search for words. Because he’s gonna turn and walk out of my life, and I don’t think I can let him. And it’s like he’s in slow motion as he walks toward the window, and I wonder --
“Um, dude?” I blurt out before I can stop myself. “How’d you even get up here?”
If I’ve learned one thing about him, it’s that he’s never gonna answer a question like that. But I’ve gotta ask it anyway, because my dorm’s a straight, smooth spire and my room’s on the fourth floor. There’s no fire escape to grab onto and no balconies either, and he climbed through my window and he didn’t even break a sweat. And it hits me, really hits me for the first time, that I don’t have a clue who he really is.
And he throws one leg over the sill and he crooks his finger and says, “Wanna find out?”
And it’s hard to tell for sure with my room so dark and his hood pulled up, but I think there’s a bruise on his cheek. My hand reaches out like I don’t control it, but he steps back before I can touch him. He crosses his arms, and even with only the faint glow from my nightlight to watch him by, I can see how he kinda curls in on himself.
“Y- you’re leaving?” My own words echo in my ears, and I kinda feel like someone dumped ice water down my back. “But what about Multiversity, and --”
“Fuck Multi.” His eyes glint like gold and he looks away.
I know I should say something, but I can’t. And I know I should feel something, but I can’t do that either. It’s kinda like my heart’s wrapped in gauze and maybe my ears are, too. They’re ringing with this silence I can hear, and he’s leaving and I don’t know how to stop him.
“But your career assignment,” I say, and I’m groping for reasons for him to stay. “How’re you gonna find work without it?”
“Not gonna matter.” He shakes his head with this sad little smile. “Not where I’m going.”
My heart drops into my fuzzy slippers, and for a minute I can’t even speak. Because there’s nowhere in the Republic that’ll hire you without your assignment, not unless you’re a High-Ender like me. And that means --
“You’re gonna… hop the fence?” I breathe. “What’re you gonna do in Majeria? I mean, you’ve seen the Scare Spots, dude, and it’s all about the war over there, and --”
“Fuck the Scare Spots.” He bites his lip and he stares at the ceiling. “Least I’d have a chance over there.”
His long lashes glisten with moisture, and I can’t imagine what kind of a chance he’ll have in that strange, rough place. But he keeps on eyeing my open window, and I know he’s gonna bolt any minute and I can’t find the words to fix it.
“What about Randall?” I squeak. “Isn’t he gonna worry?”
He staggers back like I’ve slapped him, the second he hears his boyfriend’s name. His knees hit the back of my bed and unhinge, and the springs creak under him as he sits down hard. He blinks at me and he lets his hood fall away from his beautiful, bloodless face, and my head fills with fire when I see the marks Randall left on him.
“Fuck Randall, too,” he says, in this tiny, ragged voice.
His shoulders sag and his head droops, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone look so tired. But he shoves himself up off the mattress, and my stomach goes all wobbly while I search for words. Because he’s gonna turn and walk out of my life, and I don’t think I can let him. And it’s like he’s in slow motion as he walks toward the window, and I wonder --
“Um, dude?” I blurt out before I can stop myself. “How’d you even get up here?”
If I’ve learned one thing about him, it’s that he’s never gonna answer a question like that. But I’ve gotta ask it anyway, because my dorm’s a straight, smooth spire and my room’s on the fourth floor. There’s no fire escape to grab onto and no balconies either, and he climbed through my window and he didn’t even break a sweat. And it hits me, really hits me for the first time, that I don’t have a clue who he really is.
And he throws one leg over the sill and he crooks his finger and says, “Wanna find out?”