Ooooh..... I like it. I really, really like it. ^_^
I read over the original, and I think this is much better. More eloquent, more drawn out. Shows things and hints at things rather than saying them. Very nice.
I like the changes to the ending the best, I think. You managed to make the main guy more hesitant and confused while actually reducing the number of ellipses. Why did you switch their names in the revision?
Mike = Michael, "He who is like God." (Which, linguistically, means "Mich," or "Mike," may mean "He who is like..." and then nothing, which is a fairly accurate description of Mike in the story.)
Sam = Samuel, "the Name of God" or "God has Heard" (which, again, means Sam in the story is simply "the name" or "has been heard.") More importantly, perhaps, Sam = Sammael, "the Venom of God-" the archangel who would become Satan, which makes sense given the end of the story.
Not that I am implying that the Archangel Michael fell from Grace or that Sam is Old Nick- they're different. But the names are meant to give you a clue as to where they are from and what they represent, and I realized just after the Monitor published the first version of the story that Sam and Mike were clearly meant to be reversed.
As an aside, Michael is the traditional angelic rival of Samael. Not so apparent in the story (other than their differing points of view at the end) but that's another factor.
Depending on which angelic history your following Sammael is not Satan...then again, in some cases Satan isn't Lucifer. Yeah, isn't angelic lore fun? For the most point I agree that the characters are now right. I don't remember the original Fall too much unfortunately but I remember being slightly confused, this is much better. The whole time I was reading and I saw the name "Sam" I was hoping you'd be making him into Sammael. The dynamic between Lucifer and Michael is something I've always really enjoyed because when you get down to it, they are still brothers.
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I read over the original, and I think this is much better. More eloquent, more drawn out. Shows things and hints at things rather than saying them. Very nice.
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And why does the hot dog have a pickle speak?
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Mike = Michael, "He who is like God." (Which, linguistically, means "Mich," or "Mike," may mean "He who is like..." and then nothing, which is a fairly accurate description of Mike in the story.)
Sam = Samuel, "the Name of God" or "God has Heard" (which, again, means Sam in the story is simply "the name" or "has been heard.") More importantly, perhaps, Sam = Sammael, "the Venom of God-" the archangel who would become Satan, which makes sense given the end of the story.
Not that I am implying that the Archangel Michael fell from Grace or that Sam is Old Nick- they're different. But the names are meant to give you a clue as to where they are from and what they represent, and I realized just after the Monitor published the first version of the story that Sam and Mike were clearly meant to be reversed.
Also, it's a pickle spear.
-E
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-E
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