Partying, Nerd Style
It's a long story, so I'll do it under the cut.
Most names in this story were changed and replaced with names of more or less known characters from works of fiction, be it cinema, television or books, so I wouldn't be sued by people described here. The nicknames I give them, however, are not random, as they do have something in common with characters they get named after. Bonus points for you if you get all the references I included
Last weekend, I attended a party.
A friend of mine, let's call him Geordi, threw it, to celebrate a successful defense of his dissertation. He's an engineer now and I'm quite proud of him. So naturally, I attended.
I generally don't like his parties as he used to live in a very cold house which was always so fucking filthy the only thing missing was a turd in the middle of the living room to complete the picture of the utter shithouse it presented.
Luckily he moved to an apartment in the city center. He now lives with his crazy ex-girlfriend (and “crazy” is my professional opinion). Awkward? That's an understatement.
I don't like to be touched, and this fact usually generates socially awkward situations, like me not shaking hands or dodging a hug. So I decided to perform an experiment. It went awry, more about this later. The goal was to eliminate social awkwardness induced by my hatred of physical contact and respond in kind to any such attempts in an effort to establish myself as a more agreeable person.
I arrived at the party around 9 pm, with two of my friends, let's dub them, ah... Ron, the materials engineer, and his sister Ginny, soon-to-be veterinarian. I was armed with two bottles of Shiraz from Chile for my own usage, and also a bottle of the best vodka I managed to buy, a gift for Geordi.
Upon entering the apartment, I was greeted by the sight of Hannah Montana poster. O...K... Not the best sign in the world, but I vaguely remembered it's a remnant of the previous occupants that the current inhabitants decided to keep for shit and giggles.
I should probably mention that, like every attendant of the local Institute of Technology, both Ron and Geordi are fond of porn of any kind. They aren't keen on implementing the theoretical knowledge gained by such medium however, and you can trust me on this as I had sexual encounters with both of them in the past. Anyway, Ron decided to burn a DVD full of “PG Porn” to amuse us at the party (because no geek party is complete without a computer), and, to tease my inner Trekkie, he also found a clip of Jenna Haze fucking a guy dressed up as Spock. I admit it was hot. Then I started considering why would Ron want to show such porn at a party, in the presence of his sister. Promptly I abandoned the thought, not wanting to deal with the implications and concentrated on the experiment.
There were lots of hugs. And kisses.
I got kissed full on the lips by a guy we'll call Cavil. He is a half-assed Jehova's Witness, but also a failed lady-killer. And yes, I fucked him too.
Got hugged and kissed by Snowball, Cavil's ex-girlfriend, then her friend I was sure I met before but forgot the name, so we'll call her Boomer, then FuckingFurry, Geordi's ex-girlfriend and now roommate, then Leeloo, Geordi's current girlfriend, then Redshirt, Geordi's other roommate and then, his girlfriend who doesn't feature in this story much more so deserved no creative nickname.
By this time I had both of my cheeks smeared with lipstick and saliva. I felt mildly grossed out. Now I remember why I don't like being hugged and kissed.
I pulled out the vodka I got for Geordi and entered the living room only to be somewhat surprised and amused by what I saw.
Geordi was lying on the couch bound by leather straps to his wrists and ankles and was giggling, making sounds similar to a blackboard being scratched. He was also being dryhumped by a rather large fellow with something resembling an afro on his head and a thick leather collar around his neck, we'll call him Igor (you'll see why, once you'll get to the particular moment in the story). A tiny little woman was sitting on Geordi's chest, trying to fasten his wriststraps to a nearby chair, too. She will be dubbed Freefall from now on.
Room was smelling of chocolate, hot leather and beer and I'd start to feel really awkward if not for the fact that Redshirt bumped into me while going into the room, grabbed a camera and started filming the whole scene.
Interested, I sat down on the floor and started to watch what the hell they were doing on the couch. Apparently it was just a little fun and soon ended. Except poor Geordi was still bound in leather.
I made Ron bring me a wine glass and open my yummy Shiraz while I was chatting Ginny up. She usually is even more awkward in company than I am. Granted, I'm not the best role model, but once she drained the beer that was provided to her, she started to relax.
Everyone gathered in the living room and soon, between people going in and out for drinks and to smoke a cigarette (intolerant people kicked me and other smokers out to the balcony), people attempted socializing, that way or another.
Redshirt and his girlfriend took their camera and retreated to their bedroom thus proving the Redshirt Expandability theory, as noone missed them much.
Cavil stole me and sat me next to him on the couch, attempting to make me a specimen in his demonstration of awesome masseuse skill he didn't quite yet mastered, to show off to FuckingFurry and Boomer. FuckingFurry was making eyes at both of us, which was creepy and definitely unwanted, as we both scored her and only reason to repeat this experience, we both agreed, was when we had our hands cut off and had no other means to get off.
Snowball was ogling Igor, trying to talk to him about BDSM shops she was into. Oh she was so in for a disappointment!
Geordi, Ron, Ginny and Freefall decided to watch PG Porn, which drew the attention of everyone present. It soon ended however and they played the Jenna Haze/Spock thing, I believe in an attempt to embarrass me, so I went Trekkie on their asses and explained that the costume Jenna is wearing is from episode "What Are Little Girls Made Of?", so technically she should be an android, but the stage looks like life units on Botany Bay, Khan's ship, from episode “Space Seed”. Then proceeded to laugh as not-Spock did a funny face, ran a tricorder over Jenna, muttered “Fascinating” and grabbed her boob with a hand put into a Vulcan salute.
Then again, maybe that “Fascinating” after a tricorder reading meant Jenna actually was an android?
Did I just start analyzing porn?
Back to the story.
I was slightly miffed at that attempt of banishing the Trek out of me and opted for a smoke. I should probably mention that it was a very cold night. I started cursing my attire, consisting of jeans and that stupid, low cut, almost see-thru shirt. Worked to my advantage later on, but we'll get to that.
When I got back, miraculously everyone were in the room and the talk was about collars now, Snowball managing to get everyone's attention finally.
“...But I wouldn't pull that hard on it, see, it might be leather but bad quality,” she was saying, crooking her finger under Igor's collar and pulling him close. He wasn't pleased.
“I find that collars from pet stores are actually more comfortable and more resistant than the one from fetish shops,” Ginny said, grinning maliciously at Snowball. That's my girl! I looked at her happily. Fuck yeah, I trained her well.
“Yes but they aren't that fancy!” Snowball protested. “And they are comfortable and that's not the point at all!”
Just proves how much she knows, silly girl.
“Actually, the collar around the bottom's neck is nothing more than a symbol of being dominated and powerless against certain individual. It doesn't matter if it's leather or even lace, metal or hemp. As long as it is there it's a symbol and constant reminder of being owned by someone, subject to someone's will and instrument of their pleasure. Bottom derives pleasure from said things. Relishing command to someone so utterly gives the mental release they crave for, finally abandoning the control over themselves and offering it, very freely, in truth, to someone else.”
Yeah, I said it. I'm a pro. I know this stuff. Everyone were staring at me for some reason.
“What?!” I asked, under the gaze of everyone. Oh look, there were two new people in the room. “I know these things, they teach me that at school.”
Stunned silence. Yeah, when I'm good, I'm GOOD!
“Wait a minute,” one of the new guys said. “What are you studying?!”
“Psychology,” I replied with satisfaction.
I looked over the new arrivals. One of them was a skinny man in black suit and a necktie in a very pleasant shade of red. It was really badly knotted too. The other one was... Big. Klingon big. And outfitted the way those neo-nazis dress when they feel like punching ethnic people. Therefore, I'm dubbing them Tattoo and Juggernaut.
Things pretty much went easy from then on. Tattoo decided to entertain us by his recount of flying a plane home from England. He was very amusing and was making lots of nerdy jokes, most of them fell flat on the majority, which was sad, because I got them all and laughed at the appropriate places too. Pity, because Boomer didn't and he only had eyes for her.
But. I almost shat bricks when I saw the look on Ron's face. He was doing moony-eyes at Tattoo. Creepy, man-crush moony-eyes. Well frak this. I know Ron is definitely not gay or even bi, so it was double creepy to see that. So when Tattoo called for a cigarette break, I took pity on Ron and pulled him with me to the balcony.
Obviously, party moved to the goddamn chilly balcony and stayed there for the next several hours, during which Ron was more and more enamored, my lips were getting more and more black from all the wine I've been drinking and October chill and I was more and more intellectually stimulated by the conversation with Tattoo.
Especially since it was us tossing nerdy jokes at each other with everyone watching. Like a friendly sparring match. Seriously, there's nothing as fun as a good conversation with someone who gets you. We were jumping from X-Men to Highlander to cooking, to wine to Star Trek to god only knows what and everyone felt content watching us talk and laugh in appropriate places. Awersome.
I was trying to include poor Ron but alas. Later, when Boomer dragged Tattoo off to a nearby bedroom for a shag, Ron was left with standing orders to get some milk for drinks. I was left with that hideously knotted tie in pleasant shade of red.
Deciding it was offensive to me, I undid the tie and did a perfect Windsor-knot on it. Apparently it was impressive because next half-hour was spent by me teaching every man present how to tie the goddamn knot around their necks. As much as I appreciate the irony in this statement, nothing came out of it. Everyone lived.
People started to notice the cold and went back inside. I was finally left with my cigarette and Ginny, who was now quite drunk, because Igor served her vodka shots and she doesn't hold her liquor well. She was clinging to me like I was a lifebuoy and was moaning something about dizziness and how she feels a failure. I sat us down and tried to calm her with some back-rubbing and soothing noises.
Cavil and Leeloo wandered by, hugging. I tossed some half-assed lines at Leeloo, for the sake of it, as for the last several years, all of Geordi's girlfriends ended up in my bed and I wanted to see if it would work this time too. It didn't and I was happy about it. She's not my type anyway. Cavil glared at me several times and threw his lines at her, they were full of fail. I mean come on?! “I'm all muscle and hair, you can cling for warmth to me.” WHAT?! I feel embarrassed even remembering that. But since Leeloo was here with him, I could only assume that Geordi was experimenting with his sadomasochistic side again.
They left soon and I was once again left with Ginny's drunken attempts at going emo. The good shrink that I am, I tried to be all supportive, for what I was awarded a full-blown french kiss!
FUCK YEAH!
I really like Ginny and she is one hot babe, so I didn't mind all that much. But she wasn't on top of her game, so taking advantage would be chaotic evil. I kissed her back, but soon sat her down and proceeded to explain her that she doesn't really feel attracted to me and only wants to numb the negative feelings with physical side of human interaction.
“I could never understand that lesbian thing so I decided to test it on you,” she said and grinned at me.
“You could've been less of a damsel in distress then, and just ask,” I told her and tried to explain the notion of sexuality and its fluidity, and that it's OK to experiment and Kinsey's research and the whole shebang. I felt like I was giving The Talk to a teenager.
Some people might say that I just love to hear myself talking, but they are wrong. I just like to explain things thoroughly. Because I rarely get a chance to show off my superior intellect.
Ron wandered by and announced he was supposed to get something from the store but he forgot what. Then he registered his sister straddling and hugging me and me whispering into her ear and went apeshit.
“What the FUUUUUUUCK! I leave you for five minutes and what is this!”
“That was more like an hour,” I pointed out, but apparently he needed to get it out of his system. After five minutes he was done, however and decided to listen to the rest of the lecture.
Snowball, Boomer and Igor decided to join the audience. I noticed that Boomer was there but not Tattoo, so I tried to signal that to Ron. He finally got it and went MIA again.
In the meantime Ginny decided to doze off.
I woke her up and dragged her home. Luckily, Ron and Ginny live 5 minutes from Geordi, and there is a 24h store en route, so things were looking up.
I had to take Ron with me as apparently he had the keys, so we put Ginny to bed and headed back. I bought more Shiraz, cigarettes, and the milk Tattoo demanded.
When we got back, Redshirt and his girlfriend were still missing, Geordi and Leeloo were heading for a shag to their bedroom, Freefall was trying to teach Juggernaut how to waltz and Snowball was, luckily, gone. Igor was moping on the couch, surfing the net and Tattoo and Boomer were laughing in the kitchen.
I banged on the kitchen door and Tattoo opened. I think he finally noticed the fact I was wearing his tie, in a very pleasant shade of red, perfectly knotted this time, because he looked excited to see me.
“There you are! And here is my tie! Thank god. And oh hey, Ron, did you get the milk?”
Ron was giving him those eyes again. I handed the milk to Tattoo.
“I love you,” he said and smiled stupidly.
“I know,” I replied. We both giggled at each other and I went to locate the corkscrew.
Judging by the door banging, poor Ron was left there hanging, so I took pity on him once more. I tried dragging him to the living room, but we were stopped by Cavil.
“Perfect! We are going to play Bridge, NOW!”
I shrugged and headed to the last open bedroom, that Cavil's hand was indicating. FuckingFurry was there, shuffling the deck and making eyes at Cavil. It was not pretty.
After teaching her about contracts and playing several games I decided I was too drunk to do it right and went out for a smoke. Surprisingly I was soon joined by Tattoo, looking for his tie. I tried teaching him how to do the Windsor-knot but he couldn't master it so I just instructed him to let the tie stay knotted. We smoked our cigarettes in peace, chatting about nerdy stuff again, until Boomer decided she needed a walk home. They went inside and I heard Ron offering to walk with them. Suddenly there was a commotion, so intrigued I peeked inside.
Apparently, Cavil, having been unlucky with the girls tonight (as usual), was heading home as well. I got kissed by everyone who was leaving, even Ron and Tattoo, and went to see why Igor was moping.
Apparently he wasn't. He was being a DJ for Freefall and Juggernaut, picking songs for them to dance to. I also found out that it was him smelling of chocolate, for one reason or another.
I haven't see Tattoo or Ron much more from then on, so I assume Ron got his way and could play a 13 year old girl with a crush for the rest of the night.
I think I spent over an hour playing DJ with Igor. It was fascinating because he was coming on to me in that very submissive kind of way. He said he was a switch really, but I think I was giving dominating vibes because was all “Yes, Mistress” and “Thank you, Mistress” to me.
Freefall and Juggernaut looked really cute together, him being Klingon big and her being built in smaller scale than other people.
Freefall asked me if I wanted to learn the waltz, but I already know how to so we moved to samba, which is fucking easy by the way.
So we ended up dancing for several hours. In retrospect it wasn't the best idea I had, because of my recently broken leg, but I had so much fun.
It was definitely Igor smelling of chocolate and he was definitely coming on to me. At one point he grabbed his leash, that was laying forgotten on the floor, handed it to me and pulled me close. I was somewhat confused, and the amount of personal space invasion, amplified with dancing was getting to me, so I numbly took the leash and he then rested his forehead against mine, declaring I was his Mistress from now on.
How awesome is that?! I got to have my own slave!
I used it to my advantage, obviously, making him bring me more wine and dancing with me more and also dragging him off to the balcony for a smoke even tho he hates it, because I could.
Apparently I was really good at mind games too, because he was completely in my power and getting off on it, too. Pity I didn't feel any attraction there. Could've been nice if I did.
Once, I took the leash off of him and told him it was time to finish the game because it was getting late and I got kissed. Again.
Not that I'm complaining, but what is it with people kissing me, do I have a “kiss me” post-it on my forehead or something?
Oh, I remember. I was performing an experiment. I was supposed not to back off from physical contact. Now I know why I did it my whole life. Otherwise I'd be kissed by everyone around, for some reason.
I kissed him back, but broke off quite fast. I mean, he did smell of chocolate and it was intoxicating, but otherwise... Thanks, but no, thanks. And there was no way I was letting him dominate me. So I put the leash back on him and swatted him with it several times.
So we continued on dancing and I continued to crush Igor's submissive attempts at seduction until Tattoo and Ron walked into the room and announced it was time to go home.
Relieved I took Igor's leash off again and yet again got kissed, but very briefly this time. Luckily.
Everyone but us were asleep, so we just closed the door quietly behind us and went our separate ways, which in case of Ron and I, was McDonalds. We always do junk food breakfast at McDonalds after a party. And oh my, it was 8 am by now.
So we sat there and had our junk food, chatting about the events of last night. Ron was still crushing on Tattoo, very much. I was yelling about how my recent fallout with the comic book store owner. And my leg was starting to hurt. They tossed us out of the joint for “disturbing the peace”, because I was playing music from my cellphone and at one point attempted to dance on the table.
So we headed for Ron's place where there was a nice couch awaiting me.
I didn't cease playing music from my cellphone, so I assume quite a lot of people were awoken by me yelling “DOCTOR DOCTOR, GIVE ME THE NEWS I'VE GOT A... BAD CASE OF LOVING YOU!”, and “I DON'T WANNA ROCK... DJ! BUT YOU'RE MAKING ME FEEL SO NICE!”
Now you know my secret shame.
Most names in this story were changed and replaced with names of more or less known characters from works of fiction, be it cinema, television or books, so I wouldn't be sued by people described here. The nicknames I give them, however, are not random, as they do have something in common with characters they get named after. Bonus points for you if you get all the references I included
Last weekend, I attended a party.
A friend of mine, let's call him Geordi, threw it, to celebrate a successful defense of his dissertation. He's an engineer now and I'm quite proud of him. So naturally, I attended.
I generally don't like his parties as he used to live in a very cold house which was always so fucking filthy the only thing missing was a turd in the middle of the living room to complete the picture of the utter shithouse it presented.
Luckily he moved to an apartment in the city center. He now lives with his crazy ex-girlfriend (and “crazy” is my professional opinion). Awkward? That's an understatement.
I don't like to be touched, and this fact usually generates socially awkward situations, like me not shaking hands or dodging a hug. So I decided to perform an experiment. It went awry, more about this later. The goal was to eliminate social awkwardness induced by my hatred of physical contact and respond in kind to any such attempts in an effort to establish myself as a more agreeable person.
I arrived at the party around 9 pm, with two of my friends, let's dub them, ah... Ron, the materials engineer, and his sister Ginny, soon-to-be veterinarian. I was armed with two bottles of Shiraz from Chile for my own usage, and also a bottle of the best vodka I managed to buy, a gift for Geordi.
Upon entering the apartment, I was greeted by the sight of Hannah Montana poster. O...K... Not the best sign in the world, but I vaguely remembered it's a remnant of the previous occupants that the current inhabitants decided to keep for shit and giggles.
I should probably mention that, like every attendant of the local Institute of Technology, both Ron and Geordi are fond of porn of any kind. They aren't keen on implementing the theoretical knowledge gained by such medium however, and you can trust me on this as I had sexual encounters with both of them in the past. Anyway, Ron decided to burn a DVD full of “PG Porn” to amuse us at the party (because no geek party is complete without a computer), and, to tease my inner Trekkie, he also found a clip of Jenna Haze fucking a guy dressed up as Spock. I admit it was hot. Then I started considering why would Ron want to show such porn at a party, in the presence of his sister. Promptly I abandoned the thought, not wanting to deal with the implications and concentrated on the experiment.
There were lots of hugs. And kisses.
I got kissed full on the lips by a guy we'll call Cavil. He is a half-assed Jehova's Witness, but also a failed lady-killer. And yes, I fucked him too.
Got hugged and kissed by Snowball, Cavil's ex-girlfriend, then her friend I was sure I met before but forgot the name, so we'll call her Boomer, then FuckingFurry, Geordi's ex-girlfriend and now roommate, then Leeloo, Geordi's current girlfriend, then Redshirt, Geordi's other roommate and then, his girlfriend who doesn't feature in this story much more so deserved no creative nickname.
By this time I had both of my cheeks smeared with lipstick and saliva. I felt mildly grossed out. Now I remember why I don't like being hugged and kissed.
I pulled out the vodka I got for Geordi and entered the living room only to be somewhat surprised and amused by what I saw.
Geordi was lying on the couch bound by leather straps to his wrists and ankles and was giggling, making sounds similar to a blackboard being scratched. He was also being dryhumped by a rather large fellow with something resembling an afro on his head and a thick leather collar around his neck, we'll call him Igor (you'll see why, once you'll get to the particular moment in the story). A tiny little woman was sitting on Geordi's chest, trying to fasten his wriststraps to a nearby chair, too. She will be dubbed Freefall from now on.
Room was smelling of chocolate, hot leather and beer and I'd start to feel really awkward if not for the fact that Redshirt bumped into me while going into the room, grabbed a camera and started filming the whole scene.
Interested, I sat down on the floor and started to watch what the hell they were doing on the couch. Apparently it was just a little fun and soon ended. Except poor Geordi was still bound in leather.
I made Ron bring me a wine glass and open my yummy Shiraz while I was chatting Ginny up. She usually is even more awkward in company than I am. Granted, I'm not the best role model, but once she drained the beer that was provided to her, she started to relax.
Everyone gathered in the living room and soon, between people going in and out for drinks and to smoke a cigarette (intolerant people kicked me and other smokers out to the balcony), people attempted socializing, that way or another.
Redshirt and his girlfriend took their camera and retreated to their bedroom thus proving the Redshirt Expandability theory, as noone missed them much.
Cavil stole me and sat me next to him on the couch, attempting to make me a specimen in his demonstration of awesome masseuse skill he didn't quite yet mastered, to show off to FuckingFurry and Boomer. FuckingFurry was making eyes at both of us, which was creepy and definitely unwanted, as we both scored her and only reason to repeat this experience, we both agreed, was when we had our hands cut off and had no other means to get off.
Snowball was ogling Igor, trying to talk to him about BDSM shops she was into. Oh she was so in for a disappointment!
Geordi, Ron, Ginny and Freefall decided to watch PG Porn, which drew the attention of everyone present. It soon ended however and they played the Jenna Haze/Spock thing, I believe in an attempt to embarrass me, so I went Trekkie on their asses and explained that the costume Jenna is wearing is from episode "What Are Little Girls Made Of?", so technically she should be an android, but the stage looks like life units on Botany Bay, Khan's ship, from episode “Space Seed”. Then proceeded to laugh as not-Spock did a funny face, ran a tricorder over Jenna, muttered “Fascinating” and grabbed her boob with a hand put into a Vulcan salute.
Then again, maybe that “Fascinating” after a tricorder reading meant Jenna actually was an android?
Did I just start analyzing porn?
Back to the story.
I was slightly miffed at that attempt of banishing the Trek out of me and opted for a smoke. I should probably mention that it was a very cold night. I started cursing my attire, consisting of jeans and that stupid, low cut, almost see-thru shirt. Worked to my advantage later on, but we'll get to that.
When I got back, miraculously everyone were in the room and the talk was about collars now, Snowball managing to get everyone's attention finally.
“...But I wouldn't pull that hard on it, see, it might be leather but bad quality,” she was saying, crooking her finger under Igor's collar and pulling him close. He wasn't pleased.
“I find that collars from pet stores are actually more comfortable and more resistant than the one from fetish shops,” Ginny said, grinning maliciously at Snowball. That's my girl! I looked at her happily. Fuck yeah, I trained her well.
“Yes but they aren't that fancy!” Snowball protested. “And they are comfortable and that's not the point at all!”
Just proves how much she knows, silly girl.
“Actually, the collar around the bottom's neck is nothing more than a symbol of being dominated and powerless against certain individual. It doesn't matter if it's leather or even lace, metal or hemp. As long as it is there it's a symbol and constant reminder of being owned by someone, subject to someone's will and instrument of their pleasure. Bottom derives pleasure from said things. Relishing command to someone so utterly gives the mental release they crave for, finally abandoning the control over themselves and offering it, very freely, in truth, to someone else.”
Yeah, I said it. I'm a pro. I know this stuff. Everyone were staring at me for some reason.
“What?!” I asked, under the gaze of everyone. Oh look, there were two new people in the room. “I know these things, they teach me that at school.”
Stunned silence. Yeah, when I'm good, I'm GOOD!
“Wait a minute,” one of the new guys said. “What are you studying?!”
“Psychology,” I replied with satisfaction.
I looked over the new arrivals. One of them was a skinny man in black suit and a necktie in a very pleasant shade of red. It was really badly knotted too. The other one was... Big. Klingon big. And outfitted the way those neo-nazis dress when they feel like punching ethnic people. Therefore, I'm dubbing them Tattoo and Juggernaut.
Things pretty much went easy from then on. Tattoo decided to entertain us by his recount of flying a plane home from England. He was very amusing and was making lots of nerdy jokes, most of them fell flat on the majority, which was sad, because I got them all and laughed at the appropriate places too. Pity, because Boomer didn't and he only had eyes for her.
But. I almost shat bricks when I saw the look on Ron's face. He was doing moony-eyes at Tattoo. Creepy, man-crush moony-eyes. Well frak this. I know Ron is definitely not gay or even bi, so it was double creepy to see that. So when Tattoo called for a cigarette break, I took pity on Ron and pulled him with me to the balcony.
Obviously, party moved to the goddamn chilly balcony and stayed there for the next several hours, during which Ron was more and more enamored, my lips were getting more and more black from all the wine I've been drinking and October chill and I was more and more intellectually stimulated by the conversation with Tattoo.
Especially since it was us tossing nerdy jokes at each other with everyone watching. Like a friendly sparring match. Seriously, there's nothing as fun as a good conversation with someone who gets you. We were jumping from X-Men to Highlander to cooking, to wine to Star Trek to god only knows what and everyone felt content watching us talk and laugh in appropriate places. Awersome.
I was trying to include poor Ron but alas. Later, when Boomer dragged Tattoo off to a nearby bedroom for a shag, Ron was left with standing orders to get some milk for drinks. I was left with that hideously knotted tie in pleasant shade of red.
Deciding it was offensive to me, I undid the tie and did a perfect Windsor-knot on it. Apparently it was impressive because next half-hour was spent by me teaching every man present how to tie the goddamn knot around their necks. As much as I appreciate the irony in this statement, nothing came out of it. Everyone lived.
People started to notice the cold and went back inside. I was finally left with my cigarette and Ginny, who was now quite drunk, because Igor served her vodka shots and she doesn't hold her liquor well. She was clinging to me like I was a lifebuoy and was moaning something about dizziness and how she feels a failure. I sat us down and tried to calm her with some back-rubbing and soothing noises.
Cavil and Leeloo wandered by, hugging. I tossed some half-assed lines at Leeloo, for the sake of it, as for the last several years, all of Geordi's girlfriends ended up in my bed and I wanted to see if it would work this time too. It didn't and I was happy about it. She's not my type anyway. Cavil glared at me several times and threw his lines at her, they were full of fail. I mean come on?! “I'm all muscle and hair, you can cling for warmth to me.” WHAT?! I feel embarrassed even remembering that. But since Leeloo was here with him, I could only assume that Geordi was experimenting with his sadomasochistic side again.
They left soon and I was once again left with Ginny's drunken attempts at going emo. The good shrink that I am, I tried to be all supportive, for what I was awarded a full-blown french kiss!
FUCK YEAH!
I really like Ginny and she is one hot babe, so I didn't mind all that much. But she wasn't on top of her game, so taking advantage would be chaotic evil. I kissed her back, but soon sat her down and proceeded to explain her that she doesn't really feel attracted to me and only wants to numb the negative feelings with physical side of human interaction.
“I could never understand that lesbian thing so I decided to test it on you,” she said and grinned at me.
“You could've been less of a damsel in distress then, and just ask,” I told her and tried to explain the notion of sexuality and its fluidity, and that it's OK to experiment and Kinsey's research and the whole shebang. I felt like I was giving The Talk to a teenager.
Some people might say that I just love to hear myself talking, but they are wrong. I just like to explain things thoroughly. Because I rarely get a chance to show off my superior intellect.
Ron wandered by and announced he was supposed to get something from the store but he forgot what. Then he registered his sister straddling and hugging me and me whispering into her ear and went apeshit.
“What the FUUUUUUUCK! I leave you for five minutes and what is this!”
“That was more like an hour,” I pointed out, but apparently he needed to get it out of his system. After five minutes he was done, however and decided to listen to the rest of the lecture.
Snowball, Boomer and Igor decided to join the audience. I noticed that Boomer was there but not Tattoo, so I tried to signal that to Ron. He finally got it and went MIA again.
In the meantime Ginny decided to doze off.
I woke her up and dragged her home. Luckily, Ron and Ginny live 5 minutes from Geordi, and there is a 24h store en route, so things were looking up.
I had to take Ron with me as apparently he had the keys, so we put Ginny to bed and headed back. I bought more Shiraz, cigarettes, and the milk Tattoo demanded.
When we got back, Redshirt and his girlfriend were still missing, Geordi and Leeloo were heading for a shag to their bedroom, Freefall was trying to teach Juggernaut how to waltz and Snowball was, luckily, gone. Igor was moping on the couch, surfing the net and Tattoo and Boomer were laughing in the kitchen.
I banged on the kitchen door and Tattoo opened. I think he finally noticed the fact I was wearing his tie, in a very pleasant shade of red, perfectly knotted this time, because he looked excited to see me.
“There you are! And here is my tie! Thank god. And oh hey, Ron, did you get the milk?”
Ron was giving him those eyes again. I handed the milk to Tattoo.
“I love you,” he said and smiled stupidly.
“I know,” I replied. We both giggled at each other and I went to locate the corkscrew.
Judging by the door banging, poor Ron was left there hanging, so I took pity on him once more. I tried dragging him to the living room, but we were stopped by Cavil.
“Perfect! We are going to play Bridge, NOW!”
I shrugged and headed to the last open bedroom, that Cavil's hand was indicating. FuckingFurry was there, shuffling the deck and making eyes at Cavil. It was not pretty.
After teaching her about contracts and playing several games I decided I was too drunk to do it right and went out for a smoke. Surprisingly I was soon joined by Tattoo, looking for his tie. I tried teaching him how to do the Windsor-knot but he couldn't master it so I just instructed him to let the tie stay knotted. We smoked our cigarettes in peace, chatting about nerdy stuff again, until Boomer decided she needed a walk home. They went inside and I heard Ron offering to walk with them. Suddenly there was a commotion, so intrigued I peeked inside.
Apparently, Cavil, having been unlucky with the girls tonight (as usual), was heading home as well. I got kissed by everyone who was leaving, even Ron and Tattoo, and went to see why Igor was moping.
Apparently he wasn't. He was being a DJ for Freefall and Juggernaut, picking songs for them to dance to. I also found out that it was him smelling of chocolate, for one reason or another.
I haven't see Tattoo or Ron much more from then on, so I assume Ron got his way and could play a 13 year old girl with a crush for the rest of the night.
I think I spent over an hour playing DJ with Igor. It was fascinating because he was coming on to me in that very submissive kind of way. He said he was a switch really, but I think I was giving dominating vibes because was all “Yes, Mistress” and “Thank you, Mistress” to me.
Freefall and Juggernaut looked really cute together, him being Klingon big and her being built in smaller scale than other people.
Freefall asked me if I wanted to learn the waltz, but I already know how to so we moved to samba, which is fucking easy by the way.
So we ended up dancing for several hours. In retrospect it wasn't the best idea I had, because of my recently broken leg, but I had so much fun.
It was definitely Igor smelling of chocolate and he was definitely coming on to me. At one point he grabbed his leash, that was laying forgotten on the floor, handed it to me and pulled me close. I was somewhat confused, and the amount of personal space invasion, amplified with dancing was getting to me, so I numbly took the leash and he then rested his forehead against mine, declaring I was his Mistress from now on.
How awesome is that?! I got to have my own slave!
I used it to my advantage, obviously, making him bring me more wine and dancing with me more and also dragging him off to the balcony for a smoke even tho he hates it, because I could.
Apparently I was really good at mind games too, because he was completely in my power and getting off on it, too. Pity I didn't feel any attraction there. Could've been nice if I did.
Once, I took the leash off of him and told him it was time to finish the game because it was getting late and I got kissed. Again.
Not that I'm complaining, but what is it with people kissing me, do I have a “kiss me” post-it on my forehead or something?
Oh, I remember. I was performing an experiment. I was supposed not to back off from physical contact. Now I know why I did it my whole life. Otherwise I'd be kissed by everyone around, for some reason.
I kissed him back, but broke off quite fast. I mean, he did smell of chocolate and it was intoxicating, but otherwise... Thanks, but no, thanks. And there was no way I was letting him dominate me. So I put the leash back on him and swatted him with it several times.
So we continued on dancing and I continued to crush Igor's submissive attempts at seduction until Tattoo and Ron walked into the room and announced it was time to go home.
Relieved I took Igor's leash off again and yet again got kissed, but very briefly this time. Luckily.
Everyone but us were asleep, so we just closed the door quietly behind us and went our separate ways, which in case of Ron and I, was McDonalds. We always do junk food breakfast at McDonalds after a party. And oh my, it was 8 am by now.
So we sat there and had our junk food, chatting about the events of last night. Ron was still crushing on Tattoo, very much. I was yelling about how my recent fallout with the comic book store owner. And my leg was starting to hurt. They tossed us out of the joint for “disturbing the peace”, because I was playing music from my cellphone and at one point attempted to dance on the table.
So we headed for Ron's place where there was a nice couch awaiting me.
I didn't cease playing music from my cellphone, so I assume quite a lot of people were awoken by me yelling “DOCTOR DOCTOR, GIVE ME THE NEWS I'VE GOT A... BAD CASE OF LOVING YOU!”, and “I DON'T WANNA ROCK... DJ! BUT YOU'RE MAKING ME FEEL SO NICE!”
Now you know my secret shame.