normal?
sometimes, i wish i was more normal.
then i think, what is normal?
i don't have a clue.
i'm not normal because i tend to lay wind to fantasy and pretty thoughts of heroes, romance, tragic characters and happily ever afters.
no one is really normal.
but, sometimes i wish i could be. you know, instead of being someone who sits outside watching everyone else live life with emotion and crushes and romance and sadness, i tend to pretend those things don't exist to save myself the anxiety, to save others the annoyance of dealing with me.
why do i not have romance?
because anytime a guy shows interest in me, i freak out and run the other way. i push them off and if it doesn't work, then i fall into a lackless apathy when i'm around them.
i've been hiding tears while i've been in the arms of a great guy, good looking and all, because i didn't feel like he did.
he liked me, and before he and i went out, i liked him too, but once we started, i lost all feeling.
and every other relationship with a male is the same.
recently, a guy i have liked for ages and i have sorta.... well... decided it was mutual... then i kinda just got over it...
i even try and stop teasing and flirting like i used to with him.
he knows me pretty well, and we're actually kinda really similar, i mean, it'd be good because neither of us want a relationship, so we say, but, i don't want anything meaningless...
i want to get swept off my feet.i try and hide the hopeless romantic in me with cynicism and fantasy (roleplaying) but really, my roleplaying is how i want things to be, which is where the fantasy enters.
i'm getting itchy feet again. i need to find somewhere new, another new start. another new city, new town.
a bigger one. one far far away.
new york. england.
damn money huh?
then i think, what is normal?
i don't have a clue.
i'm not normal because i tend to lay wind to fantasy and pretty thoughts of heroes, romance, tragic characters and happily ever afters.
no one is really normal.
but, sometimes i wish i could be. you know, instead of being someone who sits outside watching everyone else live life with emotion and crushes and romance and sadness, i tend to pretend those things don't exist to save myself the anxiety, to save others the annoyance of dealing with me.
why do i not have romance?
because anytime a guy shows interest in me, i freak out and run the other way. i push them off and if it doesn't work, then i fall into a lackless apathy when i'm around them.
i've been hiding tears while i've been in the arms of a great guy, good looking and all, because i didn't feel like he did.
he liked me, and before he and i went out, i liked him too, but once we started, i lost all feeling.
and every other relationship with a male is the same.
recently, a guy i have liked for ages and i have sorta.... well... decided it was mutual... then i kinda just got over it...
i even try and stop teasing and flirting like i used to with him.
he knows me pretty well, and we're actually kinda really similar, i mean, it'd be good because neither of us want a relationship, so we say, but, i don't want anything meaningless...
i want to get swept off my feet.i try and hide the hopeless romantic in me with cynicism and fantasy (roleplaying) but really, my roleplaying is how i want things to be, which is where the fantasy enters.
i'm getting itchy feet again. i need to find somewhere new, another new start. another new city, new town.
a bigger one. one far far away.
new york. england.
damn money huh?