(no subject)
It doesn't even seem like I've lived in Janesville. All that I've had or ever known has disappeared. All the happiness and friends all was a dream. The heartache and pain I've endeared was a nightmare. Now that I have finally woken up from my coma I now see that I am alone. No one sourrounding me or in my vision. The house is empty and all the animals are gone... No phone calls for me but for people who don't even exsist in this house because it's only me. There's no trestle beneath me only around me blocking the world from coming in. No one to help me or keep me from... being. The past has always been my fear that I would always keep it with me and having it held as a burden against me. In this case now my fear is that I have finally learned to leave the past behind and move forward. If I can't live by the past I don't know how to live. There's nothing holding me back now from going on in my life, all those people I know and am friends with I am not bothered that we don't talk no more. All the love that I had with some isn't even a concern to me, I don't think about them no more and no longer hurt by it. I'm scared because I have to go through this alone. At least when I had a lot of drama everyday with people it wasn't alone. Now there is no drama with others everyday. And if there was it isn't with anyone who even care about. If only I could have stayed asleep a week or month longer maybe it would have turned around. Maybe it would have ended up different. How can I determine what was real or not if it doesn't seem like I even left Racine, that I've been here and the whole time I was gone for those 5 years it's just a blur. I know this may make no sense to anyone else but it does to me and that's all that matters. I just wish that I wasn't by myself all the time.