here is life....and now here is a knife
I know that subject title sounds really "emo", but fear not. I'm not about to die my hair black and put on pink eye shadow.
Maybe it's just that I haven't really talked with anyone today. I've called several people, but nobody answered. I've just been sitting around playing games all day, letting my mind turn to mush. Then when I flip the power switch to off, I start thinking about things. Like what the hell is my point of being? I know I'm destined to make a difference, but how? I thought it would be through music, but I've spent over 2,000 dollars on guitar equipment, and for what? Sure I come up with all these kool songs, but what does it matter if no one ever hears them? But that's just one of the things....
Next I start thinking about my job. I luv being around movies all afternoon. I luv the people I work with. I even luv some of the customers. But with summer coming and school getting out, I know it's gonna get very stressful, and I just don't think if I can handle more stress right now. I know that I'm almost 20 now and I realize that the coming of age means I need to grow in responsibility and maturity, but why does it all have to just keep piling up?
I don't know. Like I said, maybe it's just the current loneliness causing this state of sudden desperation. I just want to know what God has in store for me. What does He want me to do? I know He walks the road with me, but I still don't hear His answers to my questions. Sometimes I wonder if this is one of those instances where He's dangling the answer right in front of my friggin face, but I'm too busy and too stupid to notice. Gosh dang.
Haha! I just noticed a box of "Herpecin" in front of me. Me Mum uses it for her fever blisters. Maybe that's a signal from God!? :/
Well on that note I'll end this pathetic charade. I guess all I can do is keep holding on tight until enlightenment comes. And I pray that day comes soon.
*--peace be instilled in you all--*
Maybe it's just that I haven't really talked with anyone today. I've called several people, but nobody answered. I've just been sitting around playing games all day, letting my mind turn to mush. Then when I flip the power switch to off, I start thinking about things. Like what the hell is my point of being? I know I'm destined to make a difference, but how? I thought it would be through music, but I've spent over 2,000 dollars on guitar equipment, and for what? Sure I come up with all these kool songs, but what does it matter if no one ever hears them? But that's just one of the things....
Next I start thinking about my job. I luv being around movies all afternoon. I luv the people I work with. I even luv some of the customers. But with summer coming and school getting out, I know it's gonna get very stressful, and I just don't think if I can handle more stress right now. I know that I'm almost 20 now and I realize that the coming of age means I need to grow in responsibility and maturity, but why does it all have to just keep piling up?
I don't know. Like I said, maybe it's just the current loneliness causing this state of sudden desperation. I just want to know what God has in store for me. What does He want me to do? I know He walks the road with me, but I still don't hear His answers to my questions. Sometimes I wonder if this is one of those instances where He's dangling the answer right in front of my friggin face, but I'm too busy and too stupid to notice. Gosh dang.
Haha! I just noticed a box of "Herpecin" in front of me. Me Mum uses it for her fever blisters. Maybe that's a signal from God!? :/
Well on that note I'll end this pathetic charade. I guess all I can do is keep holding on tight until enlightenment comes. And I pray that day comes soon.
*--peace be instilled in you all--*