The library, Saturday evening
Bolstered with the possibility of actually doing something constructive, Pinkie burst proudly through the doors of the library, striking a dramatic stance.
She was very good at dramatic stances. Right up until the moment she destroyed it by putting on gag glasses or bursting into giggles.
Dracula"Was that really necessary, Ms Pie?"
Drac was a master of dramatic entrances and stances, himself... just apparently of a different style. He glided through the doors, his cape wrapped tightly around his erect and haughty figure.
Please ignore any headwear.
JonoJono wasn't ignoring the headwear, for the record. He'd take pictures, only he wasn't certain he'd get anything but a floating flamingo hat on film anyway.
//It was certainly striking, at least,// Jono replied, slipping into the room with his hands in his pockets and a decidedly more relaxed posture about him. Not that he intended to ruin all of the drama, of course, but he tended to save his gesturing for far more catastrophic situations.
Anyway, it wasn't as though the books would take him seriously if he had struck a pose too. He used to work here, after all. They knew better.
Derek"Glass houses," Derek said, rolling his eyes.
You guys knew nothing about making an entrance. Flips were necessary! FLIPS!
Pinkie"Where?" Pinkie asked, looking all around -- including between her own legs -- for the glass houses.
Not finding any, she figured they should get back to business. "I came in like that," she said, "And I said 'Helloooooooooooooo!' and then those doors opened up." She pointed to the Special Collections. "So I went in to look, and I found the spell."
Because why wouldn't she wander into the creepy section of the library that just happened to open up creepily just when she was nearby? Come on, now.
ConstantineFucking hell, why were there people in his library? There were never people in his library, unless the fucking world was ending.
"Closed for inventory!" Constantine bellowed as he stomped out of his office, a pile of books whose writing seemed to... move? ... in his arms. "Didn't you people read the bloody sign on the bloody front door?"
DraculaDrac arched an eyebrow. "He's the librarian?"
Jono//We can read, mate,// Jono intoned, removing his arms from his pockets mostly so that he could go and cross them in front of his chest. //Only it seems we've got a bit of an island-wide dilemma, and we were hoping we'd be able to find a solution to it in here.//
Seemed like the place to start, at least.
//It's shaping up to be a Special Collections sort of mess, I'm afraid. Not a disaster, but...//
Well, a bit of a disaster, actually.
DerekDerek was not British enough for this conversation. Seriously.
"Unless you want to deal with it."
Pinkie"IwantedtobeabletohavefunwithallmyfriendsatthesametimeandsoIfoundaspellthatmadePinkietwinsandIuseditandthentheyuseditandnowtherearePinkiesEVERYWHEREanditsallmyfaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaulllllllllllllllllllllllllllt!" Pinkie wailed, bursting into fresh fountains of tears.
She didn't do things halfway, okay?
DraculaDrac hunched into his cape with a sigh while pulling yet another handkerchief from his pocket for her.
"Spell books. Why are spell books kept in a school library?"
Jono//Special collections,// Jono explained. //They used to keep it more or less unlocked, back before we understood just how dangerous it was. I'd deal with it being strange on occasion back when I was working here as an aide, but even then, non-employees would need permission from the librarian to enter.//
Pinkie, you were getting such a raised eyebrow. See what happens?
Derek"Have you all not met Pinkie?" Derek asked. BECAUSE HE HAD. HE HAD GLITTER IN HIS HAIR FOREVER.
Constantine"Aye, I'm the librarian, Gothic. Problem?" Probably because you've got a cig hanging out the side of your mouth, John. IN THE LIBRARY. If you don't pay attention to it, it's going to ash on the nice books who cause madness if you try to make the writing hold still, and they won't like that.
He just raised an eyebrow at the rest of it. "Oi, Pink...lass." He was not calling her Pinkie Pie. He was not. It was below his British dignity. "So you're the one who cause a screaming alarm in my bloody apartment while I was sleeping one off. This would be why I'm doing inventory of the more dangerous stuff instead of drinking in my office."
John Constantine: Human Disaster, Not A Role Model. Just be glad he's not teaching this term.
He shifted his books to one arm so he could stub out his nicotine fix on his other hand. "Right then, back in you go, WITH Jon because like hell you're going unsupervised, and I've still got some Collections books in my office that I can't leave unguarded. Unless you read the spell out of something written in R'lyeh Glyphs... then that's in my office right now."
PinkiePinkie had no idea what a R'lyeh glyph was. "I think it was in Equestrian," she said. "It had a shiny pretty horseshoe on the cover. Twilight Sparkle always finds answers to problems in her books, so I figured I could find one here, too and I'm sorry I set off alarms and disturbed your drinking and sleeping time and are you part dragon? You seem like you might be part dragon to me."
Pinkie Pie: master of staying on track.
ConstantineRight. Constantine was just going to look at her for a moment.
"Yeah, sweetheart. Part dragon."
What? He could be!
"Lotsa answers in books, haven't seen any with a horseshoe on it, though," he commented. "Think you can help Jon find it again?" Look, he really didn't want to back in right now unless he had to. And if Collections hadn't eaten Jono yet, it wasn't likely to do so now.
"Which - hey, Jon. Shelve these for me, yeah? Just don't read them too closely."
Jono//Right, right, my pleasure,// Jono replied, rolling his eyes but taking the books that Constantine was holding all the same. //Normally I go in with a peace offering of some sort. Normally pie.//
He spared a thoughtful glance at Pinkie Pie, and then shook his head. No, that was probably a terrible idea.
//A few of the books that belong there will do in a pinch.//
Dracula"You wouldn't happen to have a card catalogue, would you?" Drac smiled fangily at the crazy person who thought he was a librarian. "That would make this exercise a little easier..."
Constantine"For Special Collections?" John asked, the fangs not phasing him a bit. Look, he slept with Navaan(?) fairly often. "Even if I did, it would be wrong. Thing changes its shape and organization as it wants, you just got to hope it feels like humoring the notion of cataloging."
"Consider those books your sacrificial offering," he continued dryly. "I can whip up a fresh pot of coffee as offering if that'll help. You're lucky it's the weekend - I only let it have decaf during the week. The real stuff might put it in a better mood."
Beat.
"Or help it come up with new and exciting ways to mess with you. 'Bout a fifty-fifty split."
Derek"Gee. Thanks."
Derek was fifty percent sarcasm and fifty percent judgemental eyebrows. So.
"Can we get a move on then?"
Pinkie"I think we'd better," Pinkie agreed. "Who knows what kind of havok I've managed to wreak on poor Fandom just while we've been standing here! I tried to teach me how to be nice and share, but I'm really not a very good listener." She flashed Constantine a bright smile (it was important to be nice and polite to those who helped you out, even when they were maybe part-dragon and even grumpier than Derek). "Thank you so much! We'll be superduperquick so you can get back to sleeping or drinking or whatever."
DraculaDrac couldn't stop the smile at Pinkie's confession... and then he remembered the Boards was in town and his eye widened in horror.
"Then shall we? Jonothon?" Drac waved a hand to offer his friend the lead.
Jono//Of course. The longer I stand around here with these books in my arms, the more I start worrying I'll grow a tail or something. Let's get going.//
Jono was in no hurry to hang on to those books TOO long anyway. And who knew what mess the other Pinkies were getting into elsewhere on the island?
DerekDerek kept up his trend of rolling his eyes at them both, stalking forward into a dangerous situation without putting much thought into it. Look, it was a Beacon Hills thing.
"You probably won't grow a tail."
Derek on the other hand…
Pinkie"I don't really see what's so bad about growing a tail," Pinkie said, swinging her own back and forth proudly (hope no one was standing too close behind her). "Tails can be superduper fun."
She trotted into Special Collections determinedly, her eyes narrowed and her tongue sticking out as she focused on spotting the book she'd used earlier. After several feet, she tripped and landed on her face with a disconcerting SMACK. All four of her hooves had gotten tangled up in vines.
"Huh. I don't remember there being a forest in here, last time."
DraculaDrac stared at the woods. Then turned and looked behind him. Then back forward again.
And then once more to the rear, just a little faster…
Uhm. "We did just walk into another room of the library, didn't we?"
Jono//Welcome to Special Collections,// Jono explained, tucking the books under one arm and looking around. //We can walk in this for twenty minutes and find ourselves going around in circles, and then suddenly turn a corner and there'll be a castle there that wasn't there before. Or a swamp. Or a helicopter landing pad. This place has its moods, and it'll lead us around until it's good and ready to let us find the book we're looking for.//
He glanced up at what once was the ceiling before adding wryly, //or before it lets me put these ones away. I'm not just leaving them in th'woods, here.//
DerekDerek sniffed at the air, making an adorable little face when it proved to be all wrong.
"Should have dragged the librarian along."
Pinkie"I don't think he wanted to come," Pinkie noted. It was adorable how she thought that should make a difference to Derek. "This place is pretty spooky, huh," she said, and giggled. "Next thing you know, we're going to get chased by timberwolves."
Something howled in the distance.
Naturally.
DraculaA howl? Drac turned immediately to Derek with a raised eyebrow. "Perhaps you could ask for directions?"
Jono//Yes, I'm certain the Special Collections wolves are quite literate,// Jono replied, his tone dry. //It's probably best we avoid those, mate. This place'll go out of its way to mess with a person, and at least a few of us are probably delicious.//
Or, at least, the pony was probably pretty tender.
DerekDerek spared a look from Drac to Jono before he shrugged.
He rolled his shoulders as fangs grew and his eyes went red, a low rumble deep in his chest. The sort of thing that might have sent warning signs into that primal part of the brain for some.
Only then did he tilt his head back and howl.
PinkiePinkie stared, fascinated. And then did her best to imitate his expression.
This was what that primal part of her brain did, okay?
timberwolfAnother howl came in return. There were glowing yellow eyes peering through the bushes behind them.
DraculaDrac pulled his hands away from his ears (look, he wasn't stupid; his BFF was a werewolf!), impressed.
"I'm impressed." See?
He nodded towards the eyes. "So, is that someone offering to be our guide?"
Jono//He had better be,// Jono muttered, the hand that wasn't currently full of Constantine's books reaching just slightly upwards, in case he needed to light something on fire. Jono never said he'd play nice with Special Collections, after all. They had a standing agreement, him and it, that he wouldn't light it on fire if it didn't try to eat him. But it had, admittedly, been a few years. //Right now I'd settle for any bookshelf it can point us to.//
DerekDerek was squinting at the... wolf shaped pile of wood, head tilted in confusion. He growled slightly, pointing right like he could totally get a clear answer.
"When you said timber wolves I was thinking something different. "
Pinkie"It's a wolf made out of timber," Pinkie said. "Seems kinda self-explanatory to me."
timberwolfThe timberwolf growled back, creeping further into the light. It glanced back over its shoulder furtively, then whined.
Dracula"I fear the condition of any book in this library." Drac's OCD was twitching. He stepped forward to get a better look.
Yep. It was still a timber wolf. "I wonder if his bark is worse than his bite?"
JonoDracula was lucky Jonothon was a few paces ahead, or he might've gotten kicked in the shin for that one.
"The books in the library proper are well tended," Jono pointed out, because he was a little defensive of the place. He missed working in here. "Does he know the way to Pinkie's book, Derek?"
Could he tell?
Derek"I think." Derek was traipsing after the wolf regardless. Because he made poor choices. Also, it wasn't like they had anything else to go on.
Pinkie"I'm not sure they can be trusted," Pinkie failed to whisper. "They can be pretty nasty-mean."
timberwolfThe timberwolf took one look at Pinkie and let out a terrified yelp, picking up the pace.
It seemed not even Special Collections had escaped pink pony trauma, today.
Dracula"I agree." Drac nodded as they followed, his cape held above the ground by his magic. "Books in general can't always be trusted." He was quite possibly thinking back to the ones that described the horrible evil untruths about Monsters. And the ones Monsters subsequently had produced about Humans.
"Books that can change their shape and move about on their own and," he eyed the ones Jono was carrying, "possibly give you tails simply by holding them? That is definitely a book I do not trust."
He shrugged. "Not that I see we have much of a choice. Either we follow this one and get lost or we wander on our own and get lost."
Jono//Oh, we would find our way eventually,// Jono noted, shrugging, //but if the wolf knows now, I don't see the harm in following.//
A beat.
//He is made of wood, after all.//
And if there was a slight curl of smoke from under his wrappings as he said that, well, that was just something that happened sometimes, truly.
DerekDerek's lip curled up slightly at that. Because he was strange and protective of the weird wooden wolf.
"Just hurry up."
timberwolfAwwww, the timberwolf loved you, too, Derek. You could tell by the way it was keeping you between it and the pony at all times.
vampire batsPinkie and the wolf eyed each other suspiciously. Right up until Pinkie wandered through a bush and set off a swarm of vampire fruit bats, which flew right at Dracula.
DraculaDerek's reaction amused Drac. "Would a book that turns into a wolf be considered a werewooo...?!?!"
Drac was interrupted by the sudden onslaught of bats. His transformation into his own bat form was instinctive- an attempt to avoid being smothered.
Jono//A werewha--// Jono didn't have any fancy transformations to undergo, which was probably for the best. Jono's transformations generally involved exploding. But he did spin on his heel to look at what was going on back there, and found himself attempting to pick out Dracula in the, er, crowd? Flock? //... Really?//
Derek"Really," Derek replied dryly. Because he was a jerk.
PinkiePinkie, on the other hand, was way more helpful, what with how she shrieked "VAMPIRE FRUIT BATS!" at the top of her lungs and attempted to swat anything near her with her tail.
The bats all swarmed off again into the opposite trees, where something let out a wail and a small burst of green flame.
"AAAAAAUUGHHH!" yelled Pinkie, and she attempted to hide behind the timberwolf, which was already trying to hide behind Derek.
Dracula"Ow! No! Wait! Ow. Watch that!" Drac flapped hard to try to avoid Pinkie's tail and the colony of "these are NOT vampires!" bats.
He was finally the only bat left, when *fwooomph*
Bat flambé.
"Ow."
And Drac dropped out of the air, still smoking.
Jono//What the bleedin'...// Jono's brow furrowed deeply as the gout of flame sent Drac hitting the ground. Trees, not even Special Collections trees, so far as he was aware, didn't generally do that. His eyes narrowed, even glowed a little, as he made his way over to collect his friend from the ground, one finger snaking under the top of his bandages in case whatever was in the foliage wanted to try something funny again. //You alright, mate?//
DerekDerek was awkwardly patting the wood pile shaped like a wolf behind him, still not catching onto the fear of Pinkie. "What's next? Lions and tigers and bears?"
Pinkie"I used to think you guys were bears," Pinkie said. Because that was clearly important information to share at this juncture. "Sorry I inadvertently got you set on fire, Mr. Dracula."
baby dragonThe bushes rustled again, and a small purple dragon rolled out, sucking on its own tail. It looked up wide eyed at the group, then burped another bout of green flame.
"Mama?"
DraculaCould this gust of flame hit Derek please? Drac was still smoldering where he was huddled in Jono's hand. "Fire bad," he shuddered Frank's mantra. "...No offense, Jonothon."
Jono//Mm, none taken,// Jono replied, depositing Drac on his shoulder (because it was either that or in one of his pockets), before peering down at the little, purple...
...
//It just called me its mother, didn't it?//
Derek"The resemblance is uncanny."
Pinkie"It's a baby dragon!" Pinkie cheered. "I think they tend to imprint on the first pony -- er, person -- they see."
Sorry, Jono.
baby dragonThe dragon toddled up to Jono, its arms out as though to hug his ankle.
At least it was just cartoon flame. It tended to just make you a little crispy for a few frames.
DraculaDrac could testify to that!
He leaned over, clutching Jono's ear with one wing-and-thumb. "A dragon? If the books are all shape changers, how are we to find the one that has the pony clone spell?"
Jono//Hell if I know,// Jono muttered, attempting to pick up his foot now that there was a tiny dragon attached to it. It didn't dislodge. Wonderful. //Perhaps that's all that's in the book? I don't know that they all change shapes, at that. The ones in my arms are still books, after all.//
He crouched down to set those books on the ground, shaking his head and trying to pry the tiny dragon free from his ankle.
A futile few seconds later he glanced back at where he'd set the books. They weren't there.
//... Were still books. Bugger.//
Derek"Maybe it'll show us where to go now that we gave it some books." Oh, Derek. You were always so hopeful before life went and crushed your fragile little spirit.
Pinkie"That makes sense. Doing something nice is always a great way to get somepony to do something nice for you, back."
Ah, the wisdom of ponies.
mysterious blurA spooky gray-and-green flash leaped through the bushes on the opposite side of the path from where the baby dragon had emerged, sending out another colony of bats and startling the timberwolf. "Ooo!" shouted Pinkie. "What was that?!"
Dracula"Or we gave it some ammunition," Drac's eyes narrowed as he struggled to stay on Jono's shoulder for all the anti-dragon attempts.
He finally fell completely off and as he fluttered midair, caught a glimpse of the same figure Pinkie had. "Was that one of your clones, perhaps?"
Jono//The Pinkies were more... pink,// Jono observed, managing to yank the little dragon free with an audible pop sound.
... Well. That was weird. And now it was just clinging to his arm, so he resigned himself to carrying the little guy around, at least until they could find its mother. Author? Lord only knew, at this point.
//It was definitely some manner of equine, though.//
PinkiePinkie tipped her head thoughtfully, her tongue sticking out. Her tail wiggled like a cat's, and she closed her eyes. Her ears twitched and her stomach grumbled, and she pounced -- dragging a gray, green, and black pony with a book cutie mark from the bush by her tail.
"Aha!" Pinkie said. "Are you secretly a book?! Admit it! Admit it!"
Dracula"Well, of course it would be a pony," Drac nodded and transformed back into his normal form.
"YOU! Pony-book! May we read you?"
Jono//... Right, let's just crack her open and see what's written on the inside, then,// Jono snarked, giving the grey pony a somewhat baffled looking-over while he... tickled the baby dragon's tummy. Shut up. //I can't imagine how the answer could possibly be no.//
How did you read a book that was a horse? Jono had years of library experience behind him, but this one was a little out of his league.
the book-mare"Ew," said the book-mare -- because, yes, that was what she was. "No! The last time I let this one read me she cloned her self a few dozen times and nearly trashed my home."
DraculaDrac eyerolled. "And we want to read you so we can end this nightmare."
Jono//Any one of the three of us is significantly less... enthusiastic than Pinkie, if that's what you're worried about,// Jono added, and now he was trying to get the dragon's tail out of his mouth. It couldn't possibly be good for tiny baby dragon teeth, after all. //We're sort of... Pinkie-sitting. We're up to our eyes in them in our homes as well.//
DerekDerek rolled his eyes at everyone involved. Ever.
Except the timber wolf. He was cool.
"May we please read you so we can fix it," he asked, going with politeness. Hopefully it would be super effective.
the book-mareCongratulations, Derek! Politeness was in fact the key to solving this pony problem!
"Geez," said the book-mare. "If all you want is the reversal, I can tell you that. You just have to say the original spell backwards."
"Oh!" Pinkie brightened, then frowned. "I don't remember the original spell."
"Are you kidding? It's, like, one line. And it rhymes." The book-mare rolled her eyes and sighed. "Repeat after me: 'mared doubly being of prospect the at scared be to not swear solemnly I'."
PinkieIt took three tries -- including some where she managed to make the reversal spell reference dirty otters -- but Pinkie finally managed to get the spell right. There was a rushing *WHOOSH* and a series of Pinkie-Pie-pink magic swirls went whirling by the group as all the clones were sucked back into the book-mare's horn.
Dracula...
"That's it?"
Jono//That's magic for you,// Jono mused. //Nine times out of ten, it's bloody anticlimactic. Shall we get the hell out of here, then?//
He would probably put down the baby dragon somewhere along the way. Yep. Probably.
Derek"Now would be good, yeah."
So cheerful, this group.
PinkieI'm just relieved that that's all over, now," Pinkie said. "I don't know about you ponies, but I have learned a very important lesson. I'm going to have to write Princess Celestia all about this!" She started back down the path the way they came, as around them, the spooky woods faded slowly back into more traditional library book stacks. "I'm hungry. Is any pony else hungry? Let's all go to Denny's Luke's. My treat!"
She would continue babbling in this vein the whole way out of the library. And down the street. And to Luke's. And probably right up until someone shoved a whipped cream covered waffle in her face.
[ooc: and the spell is broken! Any threads set after this one will be Pinkie clone free. Preplayed with bluhblahbluh, furnaceface, justlurkinghere, and talentforlying. Thanks to you all! I'm done spamming the list, I promise.]
She was very good at dramatic stances. Right up until the moment she destroyed it by putting on gag glasses or bursting into giggles.
Dracula"Was that really necessary, Ms Pie?"
Drac was a master of dramatic entrances and stances, himself... just apparently of a different style. He glided through the doors, his cape wrapped tightly around his erect and haughty figure.
Please ignore any headwear.
JonoJono wasn't ignoring the headwear, for the record. He'd take pictures, only he wasn't certain he'd get anything but a floating flamingo hat on film anyway.
//It was certainly striking, at least,// Jono replied, slipping into the room with his hands in his pockets and a decidedly more relaxed posture about him. Not that he intended to ruin all of the drama, of course, but he tended to save his gesturing for far more catastrophic situations.
Anyway, it wasn't as though the books would take him seriously if he had struck a pose too. He used to work here, after all. They knew better.
Derek"Glass houses," Derek said, rolling his eyes.
You guys knew nothing about making an entrance. Flips were necessary! FLIPS!
Pinkie"Where?" Pinkie asked, looking all around -- including between her own legs -- for the glass houses.
Not finding any, she figured they should get back to business. "I came in like that," she said, "And I said 'Helloooooooooooooo!' and then those doors opened up." She pointed to the Special Collections. "So I went in to look, and I found the spell."
Because why wouldn't she wander into the creepy section of the library that just happened to open up creepily just when she was nearby? Come on, now.
ConstantineFucking hell, why were there people in his library? There were never people in his library, unless the fucking world was ending.
"Closed for inventory!" Constantine bellowed as he stomped out of his office, a pile of books whose writing seemed to... move? ... in his arms. "Didn't you people read the bloody sign on the bloody front door?"
DraculaDrac arched an eyebrow. "He's the librarian?"
Jono//We can read, mate,// Jono intoned, removing his arms from his pockets mostly so that he could go and cross them in front of his chest. //Only it seems we've got a bit of an island-wide dilemma, and we were hoping we'd be able to find a solution to it in here.//
Seemed like the place to start, at least.
//It's shaping up to be a Special Collections sort of mess, I'm afraid. Not a disaster, but...//
Well, a bit of a disaster, actually.
DerekDerek was not British enough for this conversation. Seriously.
"Unless you want to deal with it."
Pinkie"IwantedtobeabletohavefunwithallmyfriendsatthesametimeandsoIfoundaspellthatmadePinkietwinsandIuseditandthentheyuseditandnowtherearePinkiesEVERYWHEREanditsallmyfaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaulllllllllllllllllllllllllllt!" Pinkie wailed, bursting into fresh fountains of tears.
She didn't do things halfway, okay?
DraculaDrac hunched into his cape with a sigh while pulling yet another handkerchief from his pocket for her.
"Spell books. Why are spell books kept in a school library?"
Jono//Special collections,// Jono explained. //They used to keep it more or less unlocked, back before we understood just how dangerous it was. I'd deal with it being strange on occasion back when I was working here as an aide, but even then, non-employees would need permission from the librarian to enter.//
Pinkie, you were getting such a raised eyebrow. See what happens?
Derek"Have you all not met Pinkie?" Derek asked. BECAUSE HE HAD. HE HAD GLITTER IN HIS HAIR FOREVER.
Constantine"Aye, I'm the librarian, Gothic. Problem?" Probably because you've got a cig hanging out the side of your mouth, John. IN THE LIBRARY. If you don't pay attention to it, it's going to ash on the nice books who cause madness if you try to make the writing hold still, and they won't like that.
He just raised an eyebrow at the rest of it. "Oi, Pink...lass." He was not calling her Pinkie Pie. He was not. It was below his British dignity. "So you're the one who cause a screaming alarm in my bloody apartment while I was sleeping one off. This would be why I'm doing inventory of the more dangerous stuff instead of drinking in my office."
John Constantine: Human Disaster, Not A Role Model. Just be glad he's not teaching this term.
He shifted his books to one arm so he could stub out his nicotine fix on his other hand. "Right then, back in you go, WITH Jon because like hell you're going unsupervised, and I've still got some Collections books in my office that I can't leave unguarded. Unless you read the spell out of something written in R'lyeh Glyphs... then that's in my office right now."
PinkiePinkie had no idea what a R'lyeh glyph was. "I think it was in Equestrian," she said. "It had a shiny pretty horseshoe on the cover. Twilight Sparkle always finds answers to problems in her books, so I figured I could find one here, too and I'm sorry I set off alarms and disturbed your drinking and sleeping time and are you part dragon? You seem like you might be part dragon to me."
Pinkie Pie: master of staying on track.
ConstantineRight. Constantine was just going to look at her for a moment.
"Yeah, sweetheart. Part dragon."
What? He could be!
"Lotsa answers in books, haven't seen any with a horseshoe on it, though," he commented. "Think you can help Jon find it again?" Look, he really didn't want to back in right now unless he had to. And if Collections hadn't eaten Jono yet, it wasn't likely to do so now.
"Which - hey, Jon. Shelve these for me, yeah? Just don't read them too closely."
Jono//Right, right, my pleasure,// Jono replied, rolling his eyes but taking the books that Constantine was holding all the same. //Normally I go in with a peace offering of some sort. Normally pie.//
He spared a thoughtful glance at Pinkie Pie, and then shook his head. No, that was probably a terrible idea.
//A few of the books that belong there will do in a pinch.//
Dracula"You wouldn't happen to have a card catalogue, would you?" Drac smiled fangily at the crazy person who thought he was a librarian. "That would make this exercise a little easier..."
Constantine"For Special Collections?" John asked, the fangs not phasing him a bit. Look, he slept with Navaan(?) fairly often. "Even if I did, it would be wrong. Thing changes its shape and organization as it wants, you just got to hope it feels like humoring the notion of cataloging."
"Consider those books your sacrificial offering," he continued dryly. "I can whip up a fresh pot of coffee as offering if that'll help. You're lucky it's the weekend - I only let it have decaf during the week. The real stuff might put it in a better mood."
Beat.
"Or help it come up with new and exciting ways to mess with you. 'Bout a fifty-fifty split."
Derek"Gee. Thanks."
Derek was fifty percent sarcasm and fifty percent judgemental eyebrows. So.
"Can we get a move on then?"
Pinkie"I think we'd better," Pinkie agreed. "Who knows what kind of havok I've managed to wreak on poor Fandom just while we've been standing here! I tried to teach me how to be nice and share, but I'm really not a very good listener." She flashed Constantine a bright smile (it was important to be nice and polite to those who helped you out, even when they were maybe part-dragon and even grumpier than Derek). "Thank you so much! We'll be superduperquick so you can get back to sleeping or drinking or whatever."
DraculaDrac couldn't stop the smile at Pinkie's confession... and then he remembered the Boards was in town and his eye widened in horror.
"Then shall we? Jonothon?" Drac waved a hand to offer his friend the lead.
Jono//Of course. The longer I stand around here with these books in my arms, the more I start worrying I'll grow a tail or something. Let's get going.//
Jono was in no hurry to hang on to those books TOO long anyway. And who knew what mess the other Pinkies were getting into elsewhere on the island?
DerekDerek kept up his trend of rolling his eyes at them both, stalking forward into a dangerous situation without putting much thought into it. Look, it was a Beacon Hills thing.
"You probably won't grow a tail."
Derek on the other hand…
Pinkie"I don't really see what's so bad about growing a tail," Pinkie said, swinging her own back and forth proudly (hope no one was standing too close behind her). "Tails can be superduper fun."
She trotted into Special Collections determinedly, her eyes narrowed and her tongue sticking out as she focused on spotting the book she'd used earlier. After several feet, she tripped and landed on her face with a disconcerting SMACK. All four of her hooves had gotten tangled up in vines.
"Huh. I don't remember there being a forest in here, last time."
DraculaDrac stared at the woods. Then turned and looked behind him. Then back forward again.
And then once more to the rear, just a little faster…
Uhm. "We did just walk into another room of the library, didn't we?"
Jono//Welcome to Special Collections,// Jono explained, tucking the books under one arm and looking around. //We can walk in this for twenty minutes and find ourselves going around in circles, and then suddenly turn a corner and there'll be a castle there that wasn't there before. Or a swamp. Or a helicopter landing pad. This place has its moods, and it'll lead us around until it's good and ready to let us find the book we're looking for.//
He glanced up at what once was the ceiling before adding wryly, //or before it lets me put these ones away. I'm not just leaving them in th'woods, here.//
DerekDerek sniffed at the air, making an adorable little face when it proved to be all wrong.
"Should have dragged the librarian along."
Pinkie"I don't think he wanted to come," Pinkie noted. It was adorable how she thought that should make a difference to Derek. "This place is pretty spooky, huh," she said, and giggled. "Next thing you know, we're going to get chased by timberwolves."
Something howled in the distance.
Naturally.
DraculaA howl? Drac turned immediately to Derek with a raised eyebrow. "Perhaps you could ask for directions?"
Jono//Yes, I'm certain the Special Collections wolves are quite literate,// Jono replied, his tone dry. //It's probably best we avoid those, mate. This place'll go out of its way to mess with a person, and at least a few of us are probably delicious.//
Or, at least, the pony was probably pretty tender.
DerekDerek spared a look from Drac to Jono before he shrugged.
He rolled his shoulders as fangs grew and his eyes went red, a low rumble deep in his chest. The sort of thing that might have sent warning signs into that primal part of the brain for some.
Only then did he tilt his head back and howl.
PinkiePinkie stared, fascinated. And then did her best to imitate his expression.
This was what that primal part of her brain did, okay?
timberwolfAnother howl came in return. There were glowing yellow eyes peering through the bushes behind them.
DraculaDrac pulled his hands away from his ears (look, he wasn't stupid; his BFF was a werewolf!), impressed.
"I'm impressed." See?
He nodded towards the eyes. "So, is that someone offering to be our guide?"
Jono//He had better be,// Jono muttered, the hand that wasn't currently full of Constantine's books reaching just slightly upwards, in case he needed to light something on fire. Jono never said he'd play nice with Special Collections, after all. They had a standing agreement, him and it, that he wouldn't light it on fire if it didn't try to eat him. But it had, admittedly, been a few years. //Right now I'd settle for any bookshelf it can point us to.//
DerekDerek was squinting at the... wolf shaped pile of wood, head tilted in confusion. He growled slightly, pointing right like he could totally get a clear answer.
"When you said timber wolves I was thinking something different. "
Pinkie"It's a wolf made out of timber," Pinkie said. "Seems kinda self-explanatory to me."
timberwolfThe timberwolf growled back, creeping further into the light. It glanced back over its shoulder furtively, then whined.
Dracula"I fear the condition of any book in this library." Drac's OCD was twitching. He stepped forward to get a better look.
Yep. It was still a timber wolf. "I wonder if his bark is worse than his bite?"
JonoDracula was lucky Jonothon was a few paces ahead, or he might've gotten kicked in the shin for that one.
"The books in the library proper are well tended," Jono pointed out, because he was a little defensive of the place. He missed working in here. "Does he know the way to Pinkie's book, Derek?"
Could he tell?
Derek"I think." Derek was traipsing after the wolf regardless. Because he made poor choices. Also, it wasn't like they had anything else to go on.
Pinkie"I'm not sure they can be trusted," Pinkie failed to whisper. "They can be pretty nasty-mean."
timberwolfThe timberwolf took one look at Pinkie and let out a terrified yelp, picking up the pace.
It seemed not even Special Collections had escaped pink pony trauma, today.
Dracula"I agree." Drac nodded as they followed, his cape held above the ground by his magic. "Books in general can't always be trusted." He was quite possibly thinking back to the ones that described the horrible evil untruths about Monsters. And the ones Monsters subsequently had produced about Humans.
"Books that can change their shape and move about on their own and," he eyed the ones Jono was carrying, "possibly give you tails simply by holding them? That is definitely a book I do not trust."
He shrugged. "Not that I see we have much of a choice. Either we follow this one and get lost or we wander on our own and get lost."
Jono//Oh, we would find our way eventually,// Jono noted, shrugging, //but if the wolf knows now, I don't see the harm in following.//
A beat.
//He is made of wood, after all.//
And if there was a slight curl of smoke from under his wrappings as he said that, well, that was just something that happened sometimes, truly.
DerekDerek's lip curled up slightly at that. Because he was strange and protective of the weird wooden wolf.
"Just hurry up."
timberwolfAwwww, the timberwolf loved you, too, Derek. You could tell by the way it was keeping you between it and the pony at all times.
vampire batsPinkie and the wolf eyed each other suspiciously. Right up until Pinkie wandered through a bush and set off a swarm of vampire fruit bats, which flew right at Dracula.
DraculaDerek's reaction amused Drac. "Would a book that turns into a wolf be considered a werewooo...?!?!"
Drac was interrupted by the sudden onslaught of bats. His transformation into his own bat form was instinctive- an attempt to avoid being smothered.
Jono//A werewha--// Jono didn't have any fancy transformations to undergo, which was probably for the best. Jono's transformations generally involved exploding. But he did spin on his heel to look at what was going on back there, and found himself attempting to pick out Dracula in the, er, crowd? Flock? //... Really?//
Derek"Really," Derek replied dryly. Because he was a jerk.
PinkiePinkie, on the other hand, was way more helpful, what with how she shrieked "VAMPIRE FRUIT BATS!" at the top of her lungs and attempted to swat anything near her with her tail.
The bats all swarmed off again into the opposite trees, where something let out a wail and a small burst of green flame.
"AAAAAAUUGHHH!" yelled Pinkie, and she attempted to hide behind the timberwolf, which was already trying to hide behind Derek.
Dracula"Ow! No! Wait! Ow. Watch that!" Drac flapped hard to try to avoid Pinkie's tail and the colony of "these are NOT vampires!" bats.
He was finally the only bat left, when *fwooomph*
Bat flambé.
"Ow."
And Drac dropped out of the air, still smoking.
Jono//What the bleedin'...// Jono's brow furrowed deeply as the gout of flame sent Drac hitting the ground. Trees, not even Special Collections trees, so far as he was aware, didn't generally do that. His eyes narrowed, even glowed a little, as he made his way over to collect his friend from the ground, one finger snaking under the top of his bandages in case whatever was in the foliage wanted to try something funny again. //You alright, mate?//
DerekDerek was awkwardly patting the wood pile shaped like a wolf behind him, still not catching onto the fear of Pinkie. "What's next? Lions and tigers and bears?"
Pinkie"I used to think you guys were bears," Pinkie said. Because that was clearly important information to share at this juncture. "Sorry I inadvertently got you set on fire, Mr. Dracula."
baby dragonThe bushes rustled again, and a small purple dragon rolled out, sucking on its own tail. It looked up wide eyed at the group, then burped another bout of green flame.
"Mama?"
DraculaCould this gust of flame hit Derek please? Drac was still smoldering where he was huddled in Jono's hand. "Fire bad," he shuddered Frank's mantra. "...No offense, Jonothon."
Jono//Mm, none taken,// Jono replied, depositing Drac on his shoulder (because it was either that or in one of his pockets), before peering down at the little, purple...
...
//It just called me its mother, didn't it?//
Derek"The resemblance is uncanny."
Pinkie"It's a baby dragon!" Pinkie cheered. "I think they tend to imprint on the first pony -- er, person -- they see."
Sorry, Jono.
baby dragonThe dragon toddled up to Jono, its arms out as though to hug his ankle.
At least it was just cartoon flame. It tended to just make you a little crispy for a few frames.
DraculaDrac could testify to that!
He leaned over, clutching Jono's ear with one wing-and-thumb. "A dragon? If the books are all shape changers, how are we to find the one that has the pony clone spell?"
Jono//Hell if I know,// Jono muttered, attempting to pick up his foot now that there was a tiny dragon attached to it. It didn't dislodge. Wonderful. //Perhaps that's all that's in the book? I don't know that they all change shapes, at that. The ones in my arms are still books, after all.//
He crouched down to set those books on the ground, shaking his head and trying to pry the tiny dragon free from his ankle.
A futile few seconds later he glanced back at where he'd set the books. They weren't there.
//... Were still books. Bugger.//
Derek"Maybe it'll show us where to go now that we gave it some books." Oh, Derek. You were always so hopeful before life went and crushed your fragile little spirit.
Pinkie"That makes sense. Doing something nice is always a great way to get somepony to do something nice for you, back."
Ah, the wisdom of ponies.
mysterious blurA spooky gray-and-green flash leaped through the bushes on the opposite side of the path from where the baby dragon had emerged, sending out another colony of bats and startling the timberwolf. "Ooo!" shouted Pinkie. "What was that?!"
Dracula"Or we gave it some ammunition," Drac's eyes narrowed as he struggled to stay on Jono's shoulder for all the anti-dragon attempts.
He finally fell completely off and as he fluttered midair, caught a glimpse of the same figure Pinkie had. "Was that one of your clones, perhaps?"
Jono//The Pinkies were more... pink,// Jono observed, managing to yank the little dragon free with an audible pop sound.
... Well. That was weird. And now it was just clinging to his arm, so he resigned himself to carrying the little guy around, at least until they could find its mother. Author? Lord only knew, at this point.
//It was definitely some manner of equine, though.//
PinkiePinkie tipped her head thoughtfully, her tongue sticking out. Her tail wiggled like a cat's, and she closed her eyes. Her ears twitched and her stomach grumbled, and she pounced -- dragging a gray, green, and black pony with a book cutie mark from the bush by her tail.
"Aha!" Pinkie said. "Are you secretly a book?! Admit it! Admit it!"
Dracula"Well, of course it would be a pony," Drac nodded and transformed back into his normal form.
"YOU! Pony-book! May we read you?"
Jono//... Right, let's just crack her open and see what's written on the inside, then,// Jono snarked, giving the grey pony a somewhat baffled looking-over while he... tickled the baby dragon's tummy. Shut up. //I can't imagine how the answer could possibly be no.//
How did you read a book that was a horse? Jono had years of library experience behind him, but this one was a little out of his league.
the book-mare"Ew," said the book-mare -- because, yes, that was what she was. "No! The last time I let this one read me she cloned her self a few dozen times and nearly trashed my home."
DraculaDrac eyerolled. "And we want to read you so we can end this nightmare."
Jono//Any one of the three of us is significantly less... enthusiastic than Pinkie, if that's what you're worried about,// Jono added, and now he was trying to get the dragon's tail out of his mouth. It couldn't possibly be good for tiny baby dragon teeth, after all. //We're sort of... Pinkie-sitting. We're up to our eyes in them in our homes as well.//
DerekDerek rolled his eyes at everyone involved. Ever.
Except the timber wolf. He was cool.
"May we please read you so we can fix it," he asked, going with politeness. Hopefully it would be super effective.
the book-mareCongratulations, Derek! Politeness was in fact the key to solving this pony problem!
"Geez," said the book-mare. "If all you want is the reversal, I can tell you that. You just have to say the original spell backwards."
"Oh!" Pinkie brightened, then frowned. "I don't remember the original spell."
"Are you kidding? It's, like, one line. And it rhymes." The book-mare rolled her eyes and sighed. "Repeat after me: 'mared doubly being of prospect the at scared be to not swear solemnly I'."
PinkieIt took three tries -- including some where she managed to make the reversal spell reference dirty otters -- but Pinkie finally managed to get the spell right. There was a rushing *WHOOSH* and a series of Pinkie-Pie-pink magic swirls went whirling by the group as all the clones were sucked back into the book-mare's horn.
Dracula...
"That's it?"
Jono//That's magic for you,// Jono mused. //Nine times out of ten, it's bloody anticlimactic. Shall we get the hell out of here, then?//
He would probably put down the baby dragon somewhere along the way. Yep. Probably.
Derek"Now would be good, yeah."
So cheerful, this group.
PinkieI'm just relieved that that's all over, now," Pinkie said. "I don't know about you ponies, but I have learned a very important lesson. I'm going to have to write Princess Celestia all about this!" She started back down the path the way they came, as around them, the spooky woods faded slowly back into more traditional library book stacks. "I'm hungry. Is any pony else hungry? Let's all go to Denny's Luke's. My treat!"
She would continue babbling in this vein the whole way out of the library. And down the street. And to Luke's. And probably right up until someone shoved a whipped cream covered waffle in her face.
[ooc: and the spell is broken! Any threads set after this one will be Pinkie clone free. Preplayed with bluhblahbluh, furnaceface, justlurkinghere, and talentforlying. Thanks to you all! I'm done spamming the list, I promise.]