(no subject)
In two weeks I have an appointment w/ the health center's psychiatrist. The lady that helped me fill out the METRIC SHIT-TON of paperwork told me that between the symptoms I've been having and the shit I've gone through in the past he'll probly put me on anti-anxiety meds. This'll be fun.
I know that medication and therapy was my goal to begin with, but I'm still a little nervous. Last time I was put on meds for my head I turned into Anna-zombie for a while and didn't care about anything, including eating food. I also know that I will tell that to my doctor, and he will make sure my meds are adjusted accordingly, but still... not caring or feeling really freaked me out. I don't want to go through that again.
Ugh. I'm doing this the right way, for the right reasons, but my brain is starting to get antsy, and being up here is getting me edgy already. The family has been pretty good for the most part, they've teased me about my sleeping schedule (and granted, falling asleep in the really early AM and waking up in the afternoon isn't exactly helpful), but that's about it. I'm really not sure how to tell them "I hate it up here, and going online late and night and talking to my friends that are where I really want to be is the only thing keeping me from screaming at everyone" in a nice way. Tad gets it, I think.
I need to stay up here, I need to see this doctor, I need to get my meds straightened out, and I need to do it as rationally and calmly as I can.
On the bright side, the cafe "down the street" (aka: a 15 minute drive on dirt and gravel roads) is hiring, and I can probably get a job there. And there's absolutely no way I can fuck that up. Literally, I won't be allowed to. I'm applying either tomorrow or Tuesday, whenever I get down there. (That's another thing, I barely ever leave this place. I didn't leave the property for 4 days last week. Four. Fucking. Days.)
At least on Tuesday Cassandra's coming up to visit, that'll be awesome :)
So yeah... meds soon, doctor soon, job soon, life soon? We'll see.
I know that medication and therapy was my goal to begin with, but I'm still a little nervous. Last time I was put on meds for my head I turned into Anna-zombie for a while and didn't care about anything, including eating food. I also know that I will tell that to my doctor, and he will make sure my meds are adjusted accordingly, but still... not caring or feeling really freaked me out. I don't want to go through that again.
Ugh. I'm doing this the right way, for the right reasons, but my brain is starting to get antsy, and being up here is getting me edgy already. The family has been pretty good for the most part, they've teased me about my sleeping schedule (and granted, falling asleep in the really early AM and waking up in the afternoon isn't exactly helpful), but that's about it. I'm really not sure how to tell them "I hate it up here, and going online late and night and talking to my friends that are where I really want to be is the only thing keeping me from screaming at everyone" in a nice way. Tad gets it, I think.
I need to stay up here, I need to see this doctor, I need to get my meds straightened out, and I need to do it as rationally and calmly as I can.
On the bright side, the cafe "down the street" (aka: a 15 minute drive on dirt and gravel roads) is hiring, and I can probably get a job there. And there's absolutely no way I can fuck that up. Literally, I won't be allowed to. I'm applying either tomorrow or Tuesday, whenever I get down there. (That's another thing, I barely ever leave this place. I didn't leave the property for 4 days last week. Four. Fucking. Days.)
At least on Tuesday Cassandra's coming up to visit, that'll be awesome :)
So yeah... meds soon, doctor soon, job soon, life soon? We'll see.