saying thank you

[lockholm]

As I cross on crosswalks, I'll often thank the stopped drivers with a wave or a salute. On a number of occasions (in which Bo and I are in the same location, so a finite number :P) this has prompted a discussion about thanking people when they do something that they are supposed to do or even required by law to do. I recognize that drivers are

Comments

Re: The Social Contract

[lockholm]

Yes, I think you guys are right on the money with the idea that the real key is acknowledging that the other person is there - is a person.

What I was getting at with the mention of sexuality is the tendency of artists/bohemians/misfits of all stripes to feel that society's pressure to conform is oppressive. I agree with you that what consenting adults do with each other is their own business, but not everyone does. The kind of approval we're talking about with respect to not running each other over can be used to pressure someone to conform to the local society's view of "normal" by rewarding them when they do so. See "Revolutionary Road," (not that I have but I gather that it's about a marriage cracking under the strain of suburban role expectations) or any number of stories about people coming out/not coming out to their families.

I think that's an interesting point on gentrification. Residents with the weaker financial position tend to have their culture undermined as the wealthier group moves in. It must reach a point of no return once you've lost sufficient cultural density to maintain the previous feel of the neighborhood. Gentrifiers respecting the culture they are moving in on probably wouldn't change that process all that much, but it might ease the sting a little bit.

Re: The Social Contract

[math_avenger]

So do I understand that you are exploring the ways in which the status quo is maintained? I definitely agree that there are cultural constructs of "normal" that play a huge role in constraining individual expression. And the little rewards that are given for maintaining that status quo are legion. I feel this is particularly the case for people who are socially awkward (while I'm sure it's probably true for all people, I am most acquainted with this construct in boys/men). There's a huge pressure to be liked, but it is hard for the socially awkward. A way to try to get an "in" is to employ some of the many stock phrases/insults (e.g. "check out that fag", "([a-z]+)-er? I hardly know her") to garner laughs/acceptance. Sadly, I feel that so much of our society isolates people and doesn't let them realize that other people are people, too.

Regarding gentrification, it also depends on how the would be gentrifiers view the people already there. As an anecdote: After the San Francisco Fire, much of Chinatown was destroyed. A lot of developers wanted to come in and build on the prime downtown property, but there was (understandably) intense resistance from the Chinatown residents. To keep the developers at bay, the Chinese residents brought in non-Asian-American architects to rebuild Chinatown in a way that European-Americans would find pleasing. Whence was born the current San Francisco Chinatown: the developers and their ilk loved the new Chinatown (the quaintness, the Otherness, the "exotic"-ness, the "Oritental"-ness, or some combination of all of them), so they let the residents stay. Sadly, the Chinatown is having its residents bought out to make way for stores and businesses. Gentrification "wins" again.