(no subject)
So I've been spending a lot of my time the last few days playing the new Star Ocean: The Last Hope. I would offer a review, but I feel so out of it, that I can't guarantee it would be very accurate. I've sort of been out of the console gaming thing since... wow I can't think of the last straight-out RPG I've played.
Anyway, the funniest part of the game so far is the female characters. They're all such terrible terrible examples, and they make me chuckle. I'm only barely on disc two out of three, so all of the following analysises are based off that. These are listed in proper format for most satire.
Lymle: This is the second female player character you get in the game. Lymle is a fifteen year old girl who refuses to accept that she's aged at all. She dressed, looks, and acts like a six year old girl. The fact that she's actually fifteen is never touched on in the game, this fact was found in the instruction booklet. Lymle also has a speech 'quirk' where she starts and/or ends every sentence with 'Kay?' I personally like the fact that she's always looking for acceptance from her peers -- even when she's making statements.
Meracle: The third female player character you get is an obligatory catgirl. She's wearing some odd bondage straps over her mostly naked chest. She is very... affectionate and spends most of her time on the camera kissing the other characters. She has a crush on a professor who took care of her in some lab where she was being 'experimented' on. The experiments are not even explained in the slightest, and most people don't seem to acknowledge it. Her hatred for the professor's wife reads much more as "BITCH LAY OFF MY MAN" than anything. Women are catty and irrational. That pun was accidental.
Milia: This other female is not actually a player character. This is the aforementioned wife of the professor in Meracle's 'history.' She comes off as being very nice and sweet. She's actually insane. Insane as in 'waah my baby died, so now I'll make this antimatter reactor be my baby,' or something. Either way, she destroys the planet with her ovary-fueled insanity. It takes a rational man to come over and basically say "Nah, it's coo" before she comes down from her insanity. She still destroys a planet with her ovary-fueled rage.
Mysterious Busty Maybe Evil Chick: I did just get this girl's name, but I forget it now. Either way, she's clearly some sort of magic user, complete with a thin piece of electrical tape covering her vagina and her boobs. She is a very strong independant woman in charge of her destiny. She is quite a realistic character -- including the fact that electrical tape offers very little 'support' for boobs. Her slighest movements -- even turning her head -- sets her boobs to 'maximum jiggle' as they flop all over the place. I literally flinched back at first in shock.
Reimi: This is the first female PC you get, and the childhood friend of the main character. She is one of the most obvious faux-love-interests I have ever seen in my life. She spends most of her time being kidnapped or captured, and half of the plots have been "Quick! Save her! She's all defenseless and always stripped down naked when captured!."
Some Doctor Woman: She's actually not that bad. Though she's only on camera for about five seconds.
That literally sums up every female character who has yet to appear in the game that wasn't just a faceless guy in a city. Looking at the party and hearing the women interact is like something I would create to make fun of women. It's hillarious. The game is also pretty fun.
Anyway, the funniest part of the game so far is the female characters. They're all such terrible terrible examples, and they make me chuckle. I'm only barely on disc two out of three, so all of the following analysises are based off that. These are listed in proper format for most satire.
Lymle: This is the second female player character you get in the game. Lymle is a fifteen year old girl who refuses to accept that she's aged at all. She dressed, looks, and acts like a six year old girl. The fact that she's actually fifteen is never touched on in the game, this fact was found in the instruction booklet. Lymle also has a speech 'quirk' where she starts and/or ends every sentence with 'Kay?' I personally like the fact that she's always looking for acceptance from her peers -- even when she's making statements.
Meracle: The third female player character you get is an obligatory catgirl. She's wearing some odd bondage straps over her mostly naked chest. She is very... affectionate and spends most of her time on the camera kissing the other characters. She has a crush on a professor who took care of her in some lab where she was being 'experimented' on. The experiments are not even explained in the slightest, and most people don't seem to acknowledge it. Her hatred for the professor's wife reads much more as "BITCH LAY OFF MY MAN" than anything. Women are catty and irrational. That pun was accidental.
Milia: This other female is not actually a player character. This is the aforementioned wife of the professor in Meracle's 'history.' She comes off as being very nice and sweet. She's actually insane. Insane as in 'waah my baby died, so now I'll make this antimatter reactor be my baby,' or something. Either way, she destroys the planet with her ovary-fueled insanity. It takes a rational man to come over and basically say "Nah, it's coo" before she comes down from her insanity. She still destroys a planet with her ovary-fueled rage.
Mysterious Busty Maybe Evil Chick: I did just get this girl's name, but I forget it now. Either way, she's clearly some sort of magic user, complete with a thin piece of electrical tape covering her vagina and her boobs. She is a very strong independant woman in charge of her destiny. She is quite a realistic character -- including the fact that electrical tape offers very little 'support' for boobs. Her slighest movements -- even turning her head -- sets her boobs to 'maximum jiggle' as they flop all over the place. I literally flinched back at first in shock.
Reimi: This is the first female PC you get, and the childhood friend of the main character. She is one of the most obvious faux-love-interests I have ever seen in my life. She spends most of her time being kidnapped or captured, and half of the plots have been "Quick! Save her! She's all defenseless and always stripped down naked when captured!."
Some Doctor Woman: She's actually not that bad. Though she's only on camera for about five seconds.
That literally sums up every female character who has yet to appear in the game that wasn't just a faceless guy in a city. Looking at the party and hearing the women interact is like something I would create to make fun of women. It's hillarious. The game is also pretty fun.