(no subject)
It seems that cracks have developed in the wall, and they have wound their insidious ways through the bricks and the mortar, to leave a gaping hole. And through that hole shines a light that I cannot stand, a light that burns my soul and robs me of sleep. Soon enough, I think, I shall lay the bricks down again and put on a fresh coat of paint; a dark and meaningless void is all I need.
One day I will kill all my emotions, and then I shall see the world through the clearest of lenses; I will be impervious to desire and my loneliness will be irrelevant within my impenetrable fortress of contentment. Then shall I be truly wise.
My dreams have not been troubled, just sparse and ridden with Oblivion. I was in a house that was darker and larger than this one, though not altogether different; I recognized some familiar rooms. And there were people there, people I knew and people that I do not know, talking and laughing. I hurled fireballs and the goblins that would not stop ransacking our house, and when I had killed them all, I spoke to an unfamiliar young woman. She became offended at something I said, and I decided to load my life from an earlier save file. I then scrolled through saved games, or saved versions of my life; in Oblivion on the Playstation 3, save files have a bit of text indicating the name of the file and date and time of the save. Next to the lines of text are pictures that ordinarily show a screenshot from when the save was taken. In my dream, I saw a few images of myself holding a sword and fighting fantastical creatures, and a few of the living room from last night, where I attended a small social gathering. But I made the mistake of scrolling to one particular save, one which showed an image of my bed and my room sideways, from my perspective lying down. Early morning light was beginning to seep in through the window, and I knew that this was my room as it was presently. The image began to grow until it filled my entire field of vision; I tried to turn and run, desperately clinging to sleep, but the image surrounded me until I was awake and the loading process had completed. I could not get back to sleep thereafter.
Perhaps I am creepy and unsavory. Perhaps I should not have started playing Oblivion. I can already feel it taking over my life.
One day I will kill all my emotions, and then I shall see the world through the clearest of lenses; I will be impervious to desire and my loneliness will be irrelevant within my impenetrable fortress of contentment. Then shall I be truly wise.
My dreams have not been troubled, just sparse and ridden with Oblivion. I was in a house that was darker and larger than this one, though not altogether different; I recognized some familiar rooms. And there were people there, people I knew and people that I do not know, talking and laughing. I hurled fireballs and the goblins that would not stop ransacking our house, and when I had killed them all, I spoke to an unfamiliar young woman. She became offended at something I said, and I decided to load my life from an earlier save file. I then scrolled through saved games, or saved versions of my life; in Oblivion on the Playstation 3, save files have a bit of text indicating the name of the file and date and time of the save. Next to the lines of text are pictures that ordinarily show a screenshot from when the save was taken. In my dream, I saw a few images of myself holding a sword and fighting fantastical creatures, and a few of the living room from last night, where I attended a small social gathering. But I made the mistake of scrolling to one particular save, one which showed an image of my bed and my room sideways, from my perspective lying down. Early morning light was beginning to seep in through the window, and I knew that this was my room as it was presently. The image began to grow until it filled my entire field of vision; I tried to turn and run, desperately clinging to sleep, but the image surrounded me until I was awake and the loading process had completed. I could not get back to sleep thereafter.
Perhaps I am creepy and unsavory. Perhaps I should not have started playing Oblivion. I can already feel it taking over my life.