(no subject)
that heavy feeling in my stomach is gone. that feeling that's been there everyday for the past year because of him. i took him out of my life and i don't think i could feel any better inside. sometimes in life you have to learn when to tell someone that it's enough. i learned that last night.
telling a person how you really feel inside is probably the hardest thing i've ever learned to do. i think i learned, just by last night, that it's okay to admit to yourself how you really feel about a situation if it's not okay. it wasn't okay. nothing about any part of our relationship, friends or not, was okay. and i guess i learned that last night. you've really made me grow as a person because of your immaturity and cowardness. and as bad as it is for you and as much as you need to learn, thank you. thank you for making me realize that i can't help everyone in this world. that it's okay to get my heart broken by a guy and to be upset about it. that i don't always have to be the one to keep on letting go. for once, i held on. i held on as tight as i possibly could and it turns out that i was holding onto an invisible handle. i've been floating around holding onto something that wasn't even technically there. thank you for helping me realize that. one day you will know how it feels to be completely engaged in a person, to completely want every aspect of them to be with you, and to not have that reciprocated. and that feeling will completely tear you apart. in fact, you won't even realize it at first. any sign of care from the one you love will seem like a million strides to the right place where you want them to be. in fact, it's just a feeble attempt to keep them around for your satisfaction. no more. i refuse to be in love with someone who is a coward and can't love every single part of me. i won't be in love anymore with anyone who keeps me around because i'm convienent. one day i will meet the man of my dreams and not even remember who you are. and you? you'll either be sitting in your house all alone realizing you don't let anyone who matters in, or you'll be with someone that you still don't care about wondering who you are and why you are with that person.
i hope that one day you're happy.
until then, i wish you the best of luck, because you'll need someone eventually.
and you failed with me.
telling a person how you really feel inside is probably the hardest thing i've ever learned to do. i think i learned, just by last night, that it's okay to admit to yourself how you really feel about a situation if it's not okay. it wasn't okay. nothing about any part of our relationship, friends or not, was okay. and i guess i learned that last night. you've really made me grow as a person because of your immaturity and cowardness. and as bad as it is for you and as much as you need to learn, thank you. thank you for making me realize that i can't help everyone in this world. that it's okay to get my heart broken by a guy and to be upset about it. that i don't always have to be the one to keep on letting go. for once, i held on. i held on as tight as i possibly could and it turns out that i was holding onto an invisible handle. i've been floating around holding onto something that wasn't even technically there. thank you for helping me realize that. one day you will know how it feels to be completely engaged in a person, to completely want every aspect of them to be with you, and to not have that reciprocated. and that feeling will completely tear you apart. in fact, you won't even realize it at first. any sign of care from the one you love will seem like a million strides to the right place where you want them to be. in fact, it's just a feeble attempt to keep them around for your satisfaction. no more. i refuse to be in love with someone who is a coward and can't love every single part of me. i won't be in love anymore with anyone who keeps me around because i'm convienent. one day i will meet the man of my dreams and not even remember who you are. and you? you'll either be sitting in your house all alone realizing you don't let anyone who matters in, or you'll be with someone that you still don't care about wondering who you are and why you are with that person.
i hope that one day you're happy.
until then, i wish you the best of luck, because you'll need someone eventually.
and you failed with me.