long overdue fandom post
I've been saying for months (or weeks, whatever) now that I've been going to update about fandom, so now I finally am, while I'm thinking about it.
I haven't really been involved in fandom in . . . years? That sounds about right. After leaving the 30 Seconds to Mars fandom in a veritable blaze of glory (or, y'know, sneaking out the back door) back in, what, 2008? Sounds about right. I'd more or less decided to avoid fandoms. People there were elitist bitches. I'm ashamed to admit that for awhile, I was one of them, but not, I hope, for the same reasons. I thought I was better than most of the writers of that fandom because my writing was above theirs. But as a person? I was pretty shitty. I admit it. And then I started to see how some of my friends there (not all of them, but a couple) were a good deal worse than I was. So I was like, "Wow, how can I associate with these people?" and I just bowed out. It helped that the fans were (are?) batshit fucking insane, and that the band had begun to evolve into a pile of cultish douche bags. My opinion, anyway. I got out, and I never looked back.
Well, I sorta looked back. As time went on, I began to realize that I missed writing. I missed posting and getting comments. People liked my work there. People looked forward to my posts. I liked the attention. I missed it. And then I got mad at myself for that, so I convinced myself I didn't miss it at all. I threw myself into RP, my own games and a private storyline (or fifty) with vamm_goda (a fellow survivor of the 30stm fandom). She and I dubbed around with AVA as a fandom, but we were just about the only ones. We'd even made a comm, but that didn't last. Hell, it didn't even start. Which is largely my fault, because I went through this 'OMFG RPS IS GROOOOOSS' phase. For some reason, I didn't exactly count our storylines, because they'd become these characters inside my head, not so much caricatures of the real people, but just people she and I had created.
As My Chem's Danger Days approached, I started to get into reading MCR fic. I told myself I wasn't going to get into the fandom, because fandoms were creepy and crazy. Then I started to hunt down MCR fic. Then I found mikeyway_daily. I'd initially just been going there because I use Mikey as a PB in my oldest and most beloved game, and I could use a few of the more recent pics for said game. Then I started commenting, and every time I did, no matter how silly or trite, people replied and they seemed to enjoy it, and I felt so welcomed and accepted. Back in December of '10 (the 8th, to be precise) I started writing. vamm_goda had an idea for an AVA fic, and it inspired my own idea for a My Chem fic. I'm hoping mine is nothing like hers. I'm pretty sure it's not. In fact, I'm something like 99.9% positive it's not. I don't want to rip her off. But I started writing. And writing. And writing. And it felt so good, guys. By March 8th, I'd pumped out 32,000+ words. And it just felt so awesome. And the damn thing isn't even remotely close to being finished; I've only just now begun to actually develop the overarching plot. But it still feels so good to get out. I'm not writing linearly for the first time in . . . well, ever. And it seems to be working out well for me (*knock on wood*).
I think it's safe to say I'm inching my way back into the fandom. I'm a little nervous, because it's been so long, and I know there are a lot of very well-established writers and friend-groupings here. I worry that some of these people will be as elitist as I and my friends used to be in the old fandom. I worry that I'll seem like I'm trying too hard, or like I think I'm somehow special. I worry too damn much, really. It makes me wonder if I should or will post the fic I'm working on (MCR gen, for those of you wondering). A part of me is still digging in its heels at the thought of linking this user handle to fandom in any respect. But honesty is the best policy, right?
Edit:
I JUST BROKE 33K :D WHICH IS ONLY 1K IN A WEEK BUT STILL THIS IS EXCITING
I haven't really been involved in fandom in . . . years? That sounds about right. After leaving the 30 Seconds to Mars fandom in a veritable blaze of glory (or, y'know, sneaking out the back door) back in, what, 2008? Sounds about right. I'd more or less decided to avoid fandoms. People there were elitist bitches. I'm ashamed to admit that for awhile, I was one of them, but not, I hope, for the same reasons. I thought I was better than most of the writers of that fandom because my writing was above theirs. But as a person? I was pretty shitty. I admit it. And then I started to see how some of my friends there (not all of them, but a couple) were a good deal worse than I was. So I was like, "Wow, how can I associate with these people?" and I just bowed out. It helped that the fans were (are?) batshit fucking insane, and that the band had begun to evolve into a pile of cultish douche bags. My opinion, anyway. I got out, and I never looked back.
Well, I sorta looked back. As time went on, I began to realize that I missed writing. I missed posting and getting comments. People liked my work there. People looked forward to my posts. I liked the attention. I missed it. And then I got mad at myself for that, so I convinced myself I didn't miss it at all. I threw myself into RP, my own games and a private storyline (or fifty) with vamm_goda (a fellow survivor of the 30stm fandom). She and I dubbed around with AVA as a fandom, but we were just about the only ones. We'd even made a comm, but that didn't last. Hell, it didn't even start. Which is largely my fault, because I went through this 'OMFG RPS IS GROOOOOSS' phase. For some reason, I didn't exactly count our storylines, because they'd become these characters inside my head, not so much caricatures of the real people, but just people she and I had created.
As My Chem's Danger Days approached, I started to get into reading MCR fic. I told myself I wasn't going to get into the fandom, because fandoms were creepy and crazy. Then I started to hunt down MCR fic. Then I found mikeyway_daily. I'd initially just been going there because I use Mikey as a PB in my oldest and most beloved game, and I could use a few of the more recent pics for said game. Then I started commenting, and every time I did, no matter how silly or trite, people replied and they seemed to enjoy it, and I felt so welcomed and accepted. Back in December of '10 (the 8th, to be precise) I started writing. vamm_goda had an idea for an AVA fic, and it inspired my own idea for a My Chem fic. I'm hoping mine is nothing like hers. I'm pretty sure it's not. In fact, I'm something like 99.9% positive it's not. I don't want to rip her off. But I started writing. And writing. And writing. And it felt so good, guys. By March 8th, I'd pumped out 32,000+ words. And it just felt so awesome. And the damn thing isn't even remotely close to being finished; I've only just now begun to actually develop the overarching plot. But it still feels so good to get out. I'm not writing linearly for the first time in . . . well, ever. And it seems to be working out well for me (*knock on wood*).
I think it's safe to say I'm inching my way back into the fandom. I'm a little nervous, because it's been so long, and I know there are a lot of very well-established writers and friend-groupings here. I worry that some of these people will be as elitist as I and my friends used to be in the old fandom. I worry that I'll seem like I'm trying too hard, or like I think I'm somehow special. I worry too damn much, really. It makes me wonder if I should or will post the fic I'm working on (MCR gen, for those of you wondering). A part of me is still digging in its heels at the thought of linking this user handle to fandom in any respect. But honesty is the best policy, right?
Edit:
I JUST BROKE 33K :D WHICH IS ONLY 1K IN A WEEK BUT STILL THIS IS EXCITING