crash into me
well i don't even know why i write in here. i have my own notebook right next to me. the only person who ever read this is hurting me the most right now so i doubt she reads this anymore.
12 months of being there for each other. i call to tell her a story and all i get is "thats not interesting" in a snotty stuck up voice. i never expected her to be this way. its more shocking then painful. "you just read what you want to hear" i feel like shes my enemy. "my past pisses me off" thats a load of shit. for 9 months of the 11 i doubt she's ever laughed as much, got out as much, experienced as much, felt so strongly, or had as much friends come and go. and shes ungrateful? shes spiteful? shes mean? shes changed? for what? for who? herself? selfish is a word i never thought about calling her.
she says its selfish for me to want her to change back into what she was for 9 months. maybe i do ask for too much.
my very favorite memory of claire was 0ct. 16th 2005. we were broken up but still inlove. steven had ditched me for brandi. and kla lauren n claire were on there way to quaker stake to see justins show. i was bitching to lauren and i asked to talk to claire. without asking kla she told me that they would come and get me. and i kno if kla would of said no claire would of thrown a fit. picked me up. kissed me. told me steven was an asshole and that she loved me. from that point on we couldnt keep our hands off of each other. we talked alot, made each other laugh. flirted and teased each other at bellacino's. she was the only thing on my mind. then we got to quaker stake and i held her hand most of the night. we played romeo and juliet and layed together under the stars. i didnt need steven. or anybody else. at this point i dont think i've ever felt so safe and like everything was right in the world as i did then. at the point i dont think i ever loved anybody as much as i did that day. this was a month and a half ago.
and now she uses one of my best friends as bait to piss me off and God does it work. for once she's the one telling me she doesnt care and to stop being jealous and what not. i should of seen it coming. i probably deserve all of this. its probably well thought out and carefully organized by God and the powers at be. im suffering and shes not here to make it better. to call me 100 times until i finally tell her what's wrong. or to kiss me 100 times and just want a hug. not to go any further. to just want to talk to me. hear whats on my mind.
if this is what she wants. theirs nothing i can do to stop it. i blocked ur myspace and s/n. if u want to talk to me then u kno my number im positive. if i dont get a phone call this week then i guess u really have stopped loving me over the coarse of a week and a half.
i just want you to know im sorry and that i will never stop loving you. i'm still inlove with you.
you probably see this as pathetic like u did greg.
but if u are dying too claire fucking call me. stop faking happy if u really arent.
if u are happy then dont call me.
i'm sorry
12 months of being there for each other. i call to tell her a story and all i get is "thats not interesting" in a snotty stuck up voice. i never expected her to be this way. its more shocking then painful. "you just read what you want to hear" i feel like shes my enemy. "my past pisses me off" thats a load of shit. for 9 months of the 11 i doubt she's ever laughed as much, got out as much, experienced as much, felt so strongly, or had as much friends come and go. and shes ungrateful? shes spiteful? shes mean? shes changed? for what? for who? herself? selfish is a word i never thought about calling her.
she says its selfish for me to want her to change back into what she was for 9 months. maybe i do ask for too much.
my very favorite memory of claire was 0ct. 16th 2005. we were broken up but still inlove. steven had ditched me for brandi. and kla lauren n claire were on there way to quaker stake to see justins show. i was bitching to lauren and i asked to talk to claire. without asking kla she told me that they would come and get me. and i kno if kla would of said no claire would of thrown a fit. picked me up. kissed me. told me steven was an asshole and that she loved me. from that point on we couldnt keep our hands off of each other. we talked alot, made each other laugh. flirted and teased each other at bellacino's. she was the only thing on my mind. then we got to quaker stake and i held her hand most of the night. we played romeo and juliet and layed together under the stars. i didnt need steven. or anybody else. at this point i dont think i've ever felt so safe and like everything was right in the world as i did then. at the point i dont think i ever loved anybody as much as i did that day. this was a month and a half ago.
and now she uses one of my best friends as bait to piss me off and God does it work. for once she's the one telling me she doesnt care and to stop being jealous and what not. i should of seen it coming. i probably deserve all of this. its probably well thought out and carefully organized by God and the powers at be. im suffering and shes not here to make it better. to call me 100 times until i finally tell her what's wrong. or to kiss me 100 times and just want a hug. not to go any further. to just want to talk to me. hear whats on my mind.
if this is what she wants. theirs nothing i can do to stop it. i blocked ur myspace and s/n. if u want to talk to me then u kno my number im positive. if i dont get a phone call this week then i guess u really have stopped loving me over the coarse of a week and a half.
i just want you to know im sorry and that i will never stop loving you. i'm still inlove with you.
you probably see this as pathetic like u did greg.
but if u are dying too claire fucking call me. stop faking happy if u really arent.
if u are happy then dont call me.
i'm sorry