(no subject)
Everything has been happening so fast lately I haven't had time to catch my breath. Boys have been coming and going just like this headache that won't leave my brain. I can't stop comparing everyone to the way you looked at me, and the way you made me feel.You gave me something no one else has ever been able to give me, you gave me the feeling of being content. I see myself tripping up here and there falling into my old tendencies and it scares me because you aren't here to hold my head up for me this time, i have to do this on my own. I'm trying so hard to make myself happy, but i keep feeling selfish for putting myself before everything else in my life. I am so scatter-brained that i cant keep my facts straight. I keep finding myself making a million plans and never following threw with any of them because I'd rather be alone. I feel that if i got far enough away from everything and everyone i could maybe sort things out. But i know a change of scenery and new people won't fix these problems, not this time. Every day i do the exact same thing, sometimes with different people or a different place, but everything is the same. I wake up, hit the bong, pick up a zillion people, toke some more and head to class in such a daze its ridiculous. In school i cook, draw and have discussions with people that have no idea what the fuck they are talking about. its a joke that i have to sit threw pointless classes just to get credit, but I'm too "unstable to attend two schools at once at this time" according to a certain guidance counselor who is now missing a desk that i decided to break, why? because i felt like it. I guess i just miss how things were when i had my shit together, when you had your shit together and things were as i wanted them. I know i can't have everything i want when i want it, but something would be better than nothing at this point. Ill take anything i can get.