Teh Awesomest Fanfic Ever, part 1
[For proper ambience, please download and play Greg humming the Space Pirates theme while reading.]
It was a cold, wet day in the Zorbule Bog, but Samus Aran knew it no other way. As far as she could tell, it always was a cold, wet bog, and always would be. And by now, Samus knew Zorbule Bog like the back of her power glove.
She had been making camp here on Zorbule VII for over three months, on a mission to trace a bizarre power source that was way off every chart, at least every chart that mattered. Although she knew it was probably nothing, there was one lingering itch in the back of head that she just had to scratch.
It might be Phazon.
"Phazon? In this part of the galazy? That's ridiculous." Alan Grant, her Federation contact, had said this to her before she left. Samus didn't particularly care.
Still, those words, or similar ones with considerably more expletives, crossed her mind every morning as she got up to explore yet another section of Zorbule Bog. Still, she kept going, every day. The odds of the power source being Phazon were probably one in a million. But that was still too big a risk to take.
Samus space-jumped her way across a small pond, quickly scanned the area, and then power-blasted open the door in front of her. The fact that there were powered doors in an area devoid of human life had long since ceased to amaze her, as had the doors' apparent inability to open without being shot at. Nothing was a surprise anymore.
Deciding there was nothing left of interest in this area, Samus stepped through the opened power door in front of her.
Suddenly, she heard it.
The electronic score escalated higher and higher, dropped low, then escalated again. The synthesized drums thumped deep and low in the background. And all of it was timed precisely to frighten the living protons out of anyone who walked into the room. This music could only mean one thing:
Space Pirates!
Glancing around, Samus saw that she was at the end of a long bridge, and there were two floating space pirates off to the right. Samus quickly fired off a few missiles for cover, then ducked behind a conveniently located large crate. She needed a moment to think.
Her worst fears had been realized. The Space Pirates were the only race in the entire galaxy foolish and greedy enough to toy with Phazon. They'd probably set up a base here years ago, and were just now ramping up full production on whatever evil mutant weapon they had in mind this time. The power source she'd been tracking must have been it. Unless...
Unless the Space Pirates were doing the same thing as her. Could they have also tracked the signal here? Could they be starting the same search as she, scouring Zorbule Bog in search of the power source? It seemed unlikely. Yet something didn't seem to-
"Unnh!"
A power beam blast onto her shoulder shocked Samus into uttering the only word in her vocabulary. Apparently these space pirates were feeling gutsy enough to fly right up to her. She should have expected no less, Samus thought, from the only species in the galaxy with the cojones
to announce their presence by constantly playing their own theme song.
Samus would have to leave the thinking for later, however. Right now, it was time for shooting.
It was a cold, wet day in the Zorbule Bog, but Samus Aran knew it no other way. As far as she could tell, it always was a cold, wet bog, and always would be. And by now, Samus knew Zorbule Bog like the back of her power glove.
She had been making camp here on Zorbule VII for over three months, on a mission to trace a bizarre power source that was way off every chart, at least every chart that mattered. Although she knew it was probably nothing, there was one lingering itch in the back of head that she just had to scratch.
It might be Phazon.
"Phazon? In this part of the galazy? That's ridiculous." Alan Grant, her Federation contact, had said this to her before she left. Samus didn't particularly care.
Still, those words, or similar ones with considerably more expletives, crossed her mind every morning as she got up to explore yet another section of Zorbule Bog. Still, she kept going, every day. The odds of the power source being Phazon were probably one in a million. But that was still too big a risk to take.
Samus space-jumped her way across a small pond, quickly scanned the area, and then power-blasted open the door in front of her. The fact that there were powered doors in an area devoid of human life had long since ceased to amaze her, as had the doors' apparent inability to open without being shot at. Nothing was a surprise anymore.
Deciding there was nothing left of interest in this area, Samus stepped through the opened power door in front of her.
Suddenly, she heard it.
The electronic score escalated higher and higher, dropped low, then escalated again. The synthesized drums thumped deep and low in the background. And all of it was timed precisely to frighten the living protons out of anyone who walked into the room. This music could only mean one thing:
Space Pirates!
Glancing around, Samus saw that she was at the end of a long bridge, and there were two floating space pirates off to the right. Samus quickly fired off a few missiles for cover, then ducked behind a conveniently located large crate. She needed a moment to think.
Her worst fears had been realized. The Space Pirates were the only race in the entire galaxy foolish and greedy enough to toy with Phazon. They'd probably set up a base here years ago, and were just now ramping up full production on whatever evil mutant weapon they had in mind this time. The power source she'd been tracking must have been it. Unless...
Unless the Space Pirates were doing the same thing as her. Could they have also tracked the signal here? Could they be starting the same search as she, scouring Zorbule Bog in search of the power source? It seemed unlikely. Yet something didn't seem to-
"Unnh!"
A power beam blast onto her shoulder shocked Samus into uttering the only word in her vocabulary. Apparently these space pirates were feeling gutsy enough to fly right up to her. She should have expected no less, Samus thought, from the only species in the galaxy with the cojones
to announce their presence by constantly playing their own theme song.
Samus would have to leave the thinking for later, however. Right now, it was time for shooting.