I do not hear Jesus speaking

[lobby__boy]

This quest is not for the cowardly or the feint-of-heart. It is a hard way-the way of the cross. But, ultimately, for those of us who take it, we discover in these gospels ourselves and we are shaken to the core by what we discover. Here is how one of my students explained it in words this past fall: “In the last year or so of my life, I feel like someone has grabbed me by the feet and shook me until all the contents of my pockets have been scattered across the floor. I can no longer smile upon the childlike ideas I had about Jesus that sit in the dark confined turf of my mind’s pockets. They are now out in the light, and I have little choice other than to scrutinize them fully. To my dismay, every question leads to another question and hardly ever to an answer. There exists no compact sized, simple Jesus for me anymore. I can no longer pack him away with comfort and live on as I did before. Perhaps it was narrow-minded of me ever to assume such a concept of Him, but I do not know what to do with this rather fuzzy Jesus I now find myself face to face with. I cannot see him clearly enough to know how to follow him or whether I even should. Yet, He still speaks to me. No, I do not hear Jesus speaking out loud or even whispering secret messages to me. If that was the case, I might start to wonder whether I really belonged in a special hospital. I honestly don’t think I would know how to listen to an outspoken Jesus, but his voice still seems to be there. I sometimes find it in my classes as I sit and battle with yet another new question; I sometimes hear it as others speak or in something I see that captures my full attention. Perhaps somewhere along the way, I’ll find Jesus at the end of all my questions. Or maybe someday I’ll find peace in understanding that Jesus does not need to be able to fit into the finite corners of my mind that constrict him to a size that I can handle. No comfortable, small Jesus is worth following.”

-Dr. Brian Hartley, in a chapel address this morning.