(no subject)
i've had this journal long enough that it now serves as a breadcrumb trail - which i guess ultimately was the intended goal. i too, can observe my slow and eventual decay, and can even see the exact days my life took strange turns into the dark. sometimes this thing helped me believe i wasn't entirely alone, or not entirely insane.
today i went to a pool party at joanna's - on a very damp and rainy evening. social roles are hard to break, and i find myself often falling flat without the booze to keep me retarded. we are all grown up, yet we all still play these children's games. we still throw water balloons and spray eachother in the face with high powered water cannons. we still create cliques and teams and we still double-cross eachother.
after the fact i cant help but feel saddened, really. because we know that its all about nostalgia. we know, but rarely admit, that the reason its fun is because adults dont act like we act. nights like tonight, though entertaining, actually feel like observing and memorializing the death of fun.
oddly enough, most of us were dressed in black.
in memory and following tradtion of the wasted years, lyrics to another embarassingly melodramatic punk song
September Nights
When you feel the fray -
When Christmas comes delayed
Don't ever be afraid, and never change your ways.
Don't push too hard inside -
Don't laugh once you decide
To never feel alright; To never feel alright
Don't look around and say,
"On some quaint September day
That dreams just fade away; All your dreams just fade away"
Ah, baby don't you cry -
It tears me up inside.
You spend Friday Nights inside; You're the teenaged virgin bride
When you need a friend -
I'm right there to the end
I'm buried in the sand, as it trickled through my hands.
Baby when you cry -
It tears me up inside.
Come drive the Boulevard, or die in my backyard.
All teenage dreams die hard
Your teenage dreams die hard
All teenage dreams die hard
Your teenage dreams die hard