(no subject)
Over the past few weeks, I've received a series of spam letters that kind of stand out from the ordinary exchange. I read spam because it's awful and hilarious in the same sort of way I like reading obituaries for the bad poetry. I could find better things to do with my time but, well, this is the Great Semi-Arid Shrubland and we are in want for nought better to do.
ANYWYAY. These spams follow the same basic formatting - left-bias unjustified block text, a url smeared halfway through the text and a cordial letter closing. There is an overwrought and maudlin tone to these letters. They are desperate and pleading and the theme usually revolves around invoking larger feelings of classically Romantic longing but they are SO FRIKKIN AWFUL. These would make a great "dramatic reading" drinking game.
Letters below the cut if you don't want to be assaulted.
1.) "Hello, dear!
May you live as long as you wish and love as long as you live.
I know that the moment I meet you will be a one brief moment
in time, yet a golden memory that will shine forever, because I will
recognize my love from the first glance and become the happiest woman
on this earth. I will lean into your every word as if they are holy,
finding grace in everything about you. My love, you are everything I
have ever dreamed about and I realize that I only want to be with you
and to make each moment of your life wonderful.
I will show you what the magic of true love can do.
Have a good mood
Viky
2.) Aloha, my friend!
I only wish to be the fountain of love from which you drink,
every drop promising eternal passion. I would love to be a
still pool of water if you were the stars shining over me,
my love. I would love to be a butterfly if you were the
thicket resting under me, my dear. I would love to be a
great canyon if you were the echo that called to me, my
sweetheart. I would love to be a bare branch if you were
the wind passing across me, my hope. I would love to be a
sandy shore if you were the waves caressing me, my fire.
I would love to be a pair of lips if you were the lips
kissing me, my passion. I would love to be whatever
you need as long as I could be with you
A rivederci
Juliane
3.) ciao, sweetest one!
Relationship between woman and man is a deep and delicate thing that we
could never understand till the end. It is a mystery that God created
for us as his greatest gift. I am waiting for this gift for a long time
already. I am waiting for an angel sent from Heaven to become my second half,
I am waiting for my soul mate to enjoy the blessing of love together.
I knew one day this angel will flew into my life with wings of silvery
light and everything that he touch by the light of his wings will be
changed for forever.
my fancied, bye for now
Yanny
4.)Greeting,
Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward
together in the same direction.
Honey, it is spring and love in my soul and the scent of beautiful
lilacs fills the air in my imagination. And I cannot get you out of
my mind, because I am dreaming to find your precious love. Can you
guess what I would like to do for you?
I want to protect you from all of the injustices in the world and carry
you off into a blazing sunset.
I want to do all I can to make you happy and make you
fill loved every day of your life. My honey, I am here for you, so do
not make me wait for too long, because I am hunger for you love.
do not be shy, send me a message
CharmingDear
5.) halloa:)
I really want to find a good man and create a family with him. I am a mature
person and I know what I want from life
I am able to appreciate family asI've been waiting for it for so long.
I will be happy to make a cozy home and spend time with my loving family.
I don't like quarrels and I am sure thatcompromise is always possible.
People should talk to solve all the problems.
We were given the gift of speaking, so why not to use it?:) They shouldn't
be afraid of talking with each other, agree? Well, I'll be glad if you are
interested in me.
hope to get a smile from you
Anastaciya
6.) Good day!
I find it amazing how thoughts of you inspire me to do many things that I
normally could not do. I have such a positive feeling when I think of you
and very good energy inside This really
motivates me to achieve and the reason I achieve is that I am already
working for you and I. I want things to be successful with me in life if we
choose to be together. I mean that I want the best for you. And what a great
feeling my dear. Isn't it a great feeling when you are beginning to fall in
love with someone. My energy is so high and my mood is so positive that I
cannot fail at anything. Thank you very, very much for these great feelings.
more to come
An E
7.) Dear!
I find it amazing how thoughts of you inspire me to do many things that I
normally could not do. I have such a positive feeling when I think of you
and very good energy inside This really
motivates me to achieve and the reason I achieve is that I am already
working for you and I. I want things to be successful with me in life if we
choose to be together. I mean that I want the best for you. And what a great
feeling my dear. Isn't it a great feeling when you are beginning to fall in
love with someone. My energy is so high and my mood is so positive that I
cannot fail at anything. Thank you very, very much for these great feelings.
do not be afraid of talking to
Anny
8.) hi my Dear!
I am calm, peaceful. I am very sensitive, frank, kind, tender, attentive,
cheerful, optimistic person with a sense of humor
Hope for a real meeting with a man who has serious intentions and wants
to create his own family. I hope he will be kind, considerate, loving
man and caring person. I also hope he will be generous and willing to share
his love, care and live with me.
take care
Bo N.
ANYWYAY. These spams follow the same basic formatting - left-bias unjustified block text, a url smeared halfway through the text and a cordial letter closing. There is an overwrought and maudlin tone to these letters. They are desperate and pleading and the theme usually revolves around invoking larger feelings of classically Romantic longing but they are SO FRIKKIN AWFUL. These would make a great "dramatic reading" drinking game.
Letters below the cut if you don't want to be assaulted.
1.) "Hello, dear!
May you live as long as you wish and love as long as you live.
I know that the moment I meet you will be a one brief moment
in time, yet a golden memory that will shine forever, because I will
recognize my love from the first glance and become the happiest woman
on this earth. I will lean into your every word as if they are holy,
finding grace in everything about you. My love, you are everything I
have ever dreamed about and I realize that I only want to be with you
and to make each moment of your life wonderful.
I will show you what the magic of true love can do.
Have a good mood
Viky
2.) Aloha, my friend!
I only wish to be the fountain of love from which you drink,
every drop promising eternal passion. I would love to be a
still pool of water if you were the stars shining over me,
my love. I would love to be a butterfly if you were the
thicket resting under me, my dear. I would love to be a
great canyon if you were the echo that called to me, my
sweetheart. I would love to be a bare branch if you were
the wind passing across me, my hope. I would love to be a
sandy shore if you were the waves caressing me, my fire.
I would love to be a pair of lips if you were the lips
kissing me, my passion. I would love to be whatever
you need as long as I could be with you
A rivederci
Juliane
3.) ciao, sweetest one!
Relationship between woman and man is a deep and delicate thing that we
could never understand till the end. It is a mystery that God created
for us as his greatest gift. I am waiting for this gift for a long time
already. I am waiting for an angel sent from Heaven to become my second half,
I am waiting for my soul mate to enjoy the blessing of love together.
I knew one day this angel will flew into my life with wings of silvery
light and everything that he touch by the light of his wings will be
changed for forever.
my fancied, bye for now
Yanny
4.)Greeting,
Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward
together in the same direction.
Honey, it is spring and love in my soul and the scent of beautiful
lilacs fills the air in my imagination. And I cannot get you out of
my mind, because I am dreaming to find your precious love. Can you
guess what I would like to do for you?
I want to protect you from all of the injustices in the world and carry
you off into a blazing sunset.
I want to do all I can to make you happy and make you
fill loved every day of your life. My honey, I am here for you, so do
not make me wait for too long, because I am hunger for you love.
do not be shy, send me a message
CharmingDear
5.) halloa:)
I really want to find a good man and create a family with him. I am a mature
person and I know what I want from life
I am able to appreciate family asI've been waiting for it for so long.
I will be happy to make a cozy home and spend time with my loving family.
I don't like quarrels and I am sure thatcompromise is always possible.
People should talk to solve all the problems.
We were given the gift of speaking, so why not to use it?:) They shouldn't
be afraid of talking with each other, agree? Well, I'll be glad if you are
interested in me.
hope to get a smile from you
Anastaciya
6.) Good day!
I find it amazing how thoughts of you inspire me to do many things that I
normally could not do. I have such a positive feeling when I think of you
and very good energy inside This really
motivates me to achieve and the reason I achieve is that I am already
working for you and I. I want things to be successful with me in life if we
choose to be together. I mean that I want the best for you. And what a great
feeling my dear. Isn't it a great feeling when you are beginning to fall in
love with someone. My energy is so high and my mood is so positive that I
cannot fail at anything. Thank you very, very much for these great feelings.
more to come
An E
7.) Dear!
I find it amazing how thoughts of you inspire me to do many things that I
normally could not do. I have such a positive feeling when I think of you
and very good energy inside This really
motivates me to achieve and the reason I achieve is that I am already
working for you and I. I want things to be successful with me in life if we
choose to be together. I mean that I want the best for you. And what a great
feeling my dear. Isn't it a great feeling when you are beginning to fall in
love with someone. My energy is so high and my mood is so positive that I
cannot fail at anything. Thank you very, very much for these great feelings.
do not be afraid of talking to
Anny
8.) hi my Dear!
I am calm, peaceful. I am very sensitive, frank, kind, tender, attentive,
cheerful, optimistic person with a sense of humor
Hope for a real meeting with a man who has serious intentions and wants
to create his own family. I hope he will be kind, considerate, loving
man and caring person. I also hope he will be generous and willing to share
his love, care and live with me.
take care
Bo N.