(Untitled)

[loaghaire]

Christel bustled around the infirmary, searching for someone who could help her. It was time to change Laurian's bandages again, and she needed help with that. But of course, there was no doctor, no nurse, no one available

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[loaghaire]

Christel was not as careful and sensitive as Rei was. She knew Laurian and she knew Laurian wanted to be alone; she also knew isolation wasn't good for the girl. And so as she began to remove the old bandages and apply fresh ones, she chatted on continuously.

"It's a nice day, don't you think? Days are getting warmer now. It won't take long anymore before summer arrives. We should have you out of bed by then. You could use some sunlight. Your tan is fading away. Let me see at that arm of yours... Hmm, doesn't seem to be healing quite as I had hoped. Perhaps I should look into the medical books again to find another solution. What would you like to eat?"

Laurian heard it, and she knew what Christel had done as well. Rei was here... and as much as she cared about her girlfriend, the guilt and shame inside her increased hundredfold. She tried to pull her arm away when Rei reached out to touch it, but it was more a flinch. She still had no power to use it, although it was slowly getting back. Unlike her other arm...

Unable to win this fight, she gave up and lowered her head even more. Her hair fell around her face to hide it. She didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve Rei's love and care. She was supposed to be strong and she had sworn herself to protect Rei. But now she sat there, unable to do anything and perhaps even crippled for life, if Christel couldn't do anything about her arm. How could she protect her love if she couldn't even lift her sword?

Now, even more than ever, Laurian wished she could die. The shame and guilt were simply too much for her.

[stcatsfiresoul]

Rei did as she was asked, though she soon realized that Laurian only grew more upset by her very presence. Still she helped Christel, making a minimal amount of small talk. With all that had happened, the weather was the least of her concerns, and it would take more than a warm sunny afternoon to brighten her disposition.

Laurian flinched. The movement was subtle, but Rei could feel that her lover was pulling away from her as much as she were able. The corners of her mouth turned downward in a melancholy expression, and a small sigh escaped her lips. The patient then turned her head, long locks of brown hair falling over her fact to partially obscure it. Knowing that Laurian was unable to move her arms Rei carefully brushed the hair out of her eyes, leaving the strong fighter with no place to hide. Her hand already next to her lover's face, she allowed it to trace downward, gently caressing her cheek to show her sympathy.

[loaghaire]

Laurian closed her eyes when hair was brushed aside. But then at the gentle gesture, she froze. It wasn't visible, since she couldn't move in the first place. But she froze up and it took her a few moments before she could breathe again, although her breathing had gotten irregular.

Memories of her captivity flashed through her mind. He used to do that all the time as well. She'd hated every touch of his cold, dead fingers. He'd stroke her gently like that before hitting her or doing other things.

With a sudden movement, she turned her head away from Rei's hand. Her eyes were wide open and stared at the blanket, while shivers ran down her body.

[stcatsfiresoul]

Rei could sense Laurian's pain, anger, and misery even before she jerked her head away, but the priestess couldn't pull herself away until Laurian made it so explicitly clear that Rei was the source of all those emotions.

"Tell me what's wrong," the raven-haired Seer quietly pleaded with the girl either unable or refusing to speak. She then sighed, not knowing what to say or do. She spoke absently, saying her words aloud but never really expecting an answer. "Why won't you even talk to me anymore..."

She turned her back away from the girl who seemed to want nothing to do with her. Instead, she walked towards the window and listlessly gazed out. "You...really don't want me to be here," the brooding girl said after an extended pause. That much was obvious, but only now did she give those thoughts voice. "You don't want me around. Do you..."

[loaghaire]

With Rei no longer touching her, the sudden panic faded. Laurian's mind began to focus on the present again, instead of the past. And on Rei's words.

Perhaps for the first time since she woke up, Laurian lifted her head at Rei's words to look at her. It was safe now; Rei wouldn't see it. She looked at the black hair that fell down. It looked somehow less shiny than it did in her memories, as if the worries, pain and sadness had taken away its luster. But then she gazed back down at the blanket again. Almost unwillingly, the memory of Moira came back to her. Moira would understand it. Moira would understand she just needed some time. Of course, Moira had always known her better than Laurian had done herself. It made her wonder if she and Rei were really meant to be together. All she knew was that she wanted to protect Rei, something she could not do in her present state.

Deep down inside her, a conflict between wanting Rei to stay and wanting Rei to leave began. They were both so equal in strength that it went on and on and on, leaving her feel even more confused and uncertain than before. She finally decided that if it made Rei feel better, she could perhaps bear the guilt and shame while she let the priestess be around her. Maybe she could slowly get used to it.

Laurian looked up again, this time to speak, and to let Rei know it was alright if she wanted to be here. But words got stuck in her throat. Asking her to be here... was something she could not do. Almost in defeat, she gazed back to the blanket.

"...Sorry." Her voice was hoarse, though mostly because of her refusal to talk. Laurian struggled to throw out the next two words. "Bad... bad memory."

She now just hoped Rei would understand the message.