"I was right. I'm no good to anyone anymore."
For all intents and purposes, I'm writing to Earth. Only the person this involves will get it's message... and hopefully, things will change. I don't want to feel this way anymore.
Dear Earth,
You really hurt my feelings. The third time's a charm. It broke me. it may sound terribly dramatic, but it broke parts of my trust for you, too. I'm aching inside.
Parts of me believe you're truly sorry, but other parts are telling me that this has happened before. To stay away. To not be stupid and let this happen again. Not many people have seen what this is truly doing to me. The Sun and the Stars have seen me break down over shit like this. Like when you started hanging out with the Fall Comet. The Fall Comet thought you were so much more fun than me. And then, eventually, Fall Comet and her Cat stopped inviting me places. I felt left out, and then to hear about your adventures was just salt in the wound.
And soon after I buried those emotions, who should come along but the Bearded Comet. I didn't hear from you for a long, long time. I was so angry and confused at that time. It was like... every time I tried talking to you, you responded with nonsensical gibberish or some strange new fact about the Comet. And when the Comet called, you told me you'd call me back. And I understood, you had to talk to him. You two were in quite the close relationship. But you started to neglect me; I'll call you back quickly turned into I'll talk to you later. And eventually, you stopped calling me back. And then you stopped calling altogether. That was the most miserable time in my life. There were days where I seriously felt like I didn't have anybody at all. You and I had grown so close, Earth. Honestly, I'm surprised I held together. I held together for the sake of my other friends, who had no idea what was wrong with me. I was depressed in the mornings and I stopped eating for a while. All I did was pretend it wasn't happening.
I made myself a fake me.
I made myself a hard outer shell. Something to fake being okay with. But I couldn't hold myself together. It killed me to pretend to be okay. The inside of my shell was so hollow and I was so tired and worn down that I caved in one day in front of my parents. I threw my cellphone at the floor and collapsed at the kitchen table and I asked my parents why you were doing this to me. I was so unbearably lonely and I started fearing losing other friends like I lost you.
It may have been childish of me to react that way, but to suddenly be torn from your best friend... it hurts. It hurt me really bad. I had no idea why or what was going on. My whole world turned upside down. And now it's happening again.
The Colorful Comet has come into your life. And with her, a new cast of characters has graced the stage. The Colorful Comet has dragged a Wall and a Bag into the equation. And I'm not welcome in said equation. I get invited, but I feel like your Solar System is complete without me. I'm just... fucking Pluto to you now.
You have this Colorful Comet and all of her wonderful new friends. Why would you need icy little Pluto and her Sun?
You don't.
The Sun doesn't want to see me get hurt anymore. He keeps telling me to talk to you, Earth. He doesn't want this to end badly. The Sun needed me, desperately. And I can't back down from my future.
And we tried to include you. We tried including you in so much. Why do you think we had fourcycles? And suddenly, they just stopped.
And as childish as it is, I blame the Colorful Comet. It's terrible, but as much as I hate to say it. The whole arrangement between you and the Comet scares and upsets me at the same time. It scares me because I feel as if you're falling into a bad crowd. It's to the point where when you and the Comet are in the same room, I feel like I don't know you anymore.
I feel distanced. Like you're someone who would talk shit about me behind my back. Like at Medport, when people couldn't/wouldn't come to dine with us.
The Sun gets upset when he's not invited, why can't you just go and invite him? It's not right to just ASSUME he's coming. I know we're a package deal, but you could at least invite us both seperately. It makes him upset. I mean, Earth, come on. If your boy lived around here, I'd invite you both seperately and make him feel welcome.
The Sun feels like a third wheel. And that's not fair. We tried not to make you feel that way... at least when you hung out with us.
Which brings me to another point: when The Sun, Constellation Zak and I arrived at your house, no one came to greet us. The Sun and I ate food because we thought we'd be chilling at your house. It was damn near two in the morning. And I didn't want to drive, deal with the waitress or eat shitty diner food at two in the morning. Then the Colorful Comet came down and asked us why we were eating because we were going to Medport. Here's the kicker -
only Constellation Zak said goodbye.
I immediately felt sick after you all left, I could hardly even walk to the couch I was in so much pain. The Sun practically carried me there.
You took the "gingers", The Colorful Comet and the Wall to the beach. Were The Sun and I invited? No. Of course not.
(I feel like you resent us. I try not to neglect you- not like you did to me when you hooked up with the Bearded Comet. I don't want you to feel the way I did. Ever. And I still don't ant you to feel that way.)
And then you told me about it. I would have loved to listen to the Druids talk about the stupid legend of the Mabinogi. But I guess I'll just have to look it up.
The Comet smokes and most likely does a multitude of different drugs. I know drugs happen. But seriously. What if you get caught? What then? Not to mention that Dynapep shit, it's nothing but trash. No good. Shit. Placebo effect motherfucking shit. What if something happens to you because of that shit? It's already made you stay up for 41 consecutive hours. WTF? Why would you even do that?! I already worry like fuck about you, Earth. You're like a sister to me. And I've already gone through the pain of having my biological sister want NOTHING TO DO WITH ME most of the time. She and I never even talk. And I don't want that to happen to us. It hurts terribly and I can't take it. I just can't. Because frankly, it's fucking killing me on the inside and all I can manage to do is assure people I'm fine and I'm really not.
I'm NEVER fine. Everything is catching up to me and I'm starting to break. I'm tired of this happening. I just can't do this anymore. No more hiding things. I don't want to hurt my own feelings for the sake of others. I just can't do it anymore. I'm killing myself slowly. I'm sick.
If I'm not going to take care of myself, no one else will.
I just want things to be normal. I want us to be normal friends again, but if this is going to keep happening, I'm going to have to leave. I just can't take anymore pain. I'm in a lot of pain and I've told no one. I keep lying to myself and telling myself, The Sun and the Stars that this arrangement is fine. You're happy. That it's happened before. That I'm happy that you're happy. But I can't do it anymore. I can't lie anymore.
Don't apoloogize, Earth. Prove yourself.
I'm sorry... but if I'm really your bestie... prove it.
Please. Think about it.
Sincerely,
Pluto.
Dear Earth,
You really hurt my feelings. The third time's a charm. It broke me. it may sound terribly dramatic, but it broke parts of my trust for you, too. I'm aching inside.
Parts of me believe you're truly sorry, but other parts are telling me that this has happened before. To stay away. To not be stupid and let this happen again. Not many people have seen what this is truly doing to me. The Sun and the Stars have seen me break down over shit like this. Like when you started hanging out with the Fall Comet. The Fall Comet thought you were so much more fun than me. And then, eventually, Fall Comet and her Cat stopped inviting me places. I felt left out, and then to hear about your adventures was just salt in the wound.
And soon after I buried those emotions, who should come along but the Bearded Comet. I didn't hear from you for a long, long time. I was so angry and confused at that time. It was like... every time I tried talking to you, you responded with nonsensical gibberish or some strange new fact about the Comet. And when the Comet called, you told me you'd call me back. And I understood, you had to talk to him. You two were in quite the close relationship. But you started to neglect me; I'll call you back quickly turned into I'll talk to you later. And eventually, you stopped calling me back. And then you stopped calling altogether. That was the most miserable time in my life. There were days where I seriously felt like I didn't have anybody at all. You and I had grown so close, Earth. Honestly, I'm surprised I held together. I held together for the sake of my other friends, who had no idea what was wrong with me. I was depressed in the mornings and I stopped eating for a while. All I did was pretend it wasn't happening.
I made myself a fake me.
I made myself a hard outer shell. Something to fake being okay with. But I couldn't hold myself together. It killed me to pretend to be okay. The inside of my shell was so hollow and I was so tired and worn down that I caved in one day in front of my parents. I threw my cellphone at the floor and collapsed at the kitchen table and I asked my parents why you were doing this to me. I was so unbearably lonely and I started fearing losing other friends like I lost you.
It may have been childish of me to react that way, but to suddenly be torn from your best friend... it hurts. It hurt me really bad. I had no idea why or what was going on. My whole world turned upside down. And now it's happening again.
The Colorful Comet has come into your life. And with her, a new cast of characters has graced the stage. The Colorful Comet has dragged a Wall and a Bag into the equation. And I'm not welcome in said equation. I get invited, but I feel like your Solar System is complete without me. I'm just... fucking Pluto to you now.
You have this Colorful Comet and all of her wonderful new friends. Why would you need icy little Pluto and her Sun?
You don't.
The Sun doesn't want to see me get hurt anymore. He keeps telling me to talk to you, Earth. He doesn't want this to end badly. The Sun needed me, desperately. And I can't back down from my future.
And we tried to include you. We tried including you in so much. Why do you think we had fourcycles? And suddenly, they just stopped.
And as childish as it is, I blame the Colorful Comet. It's terrible, but as much as I hate to say it. The whole arrangement between you and the Comet scares and upsets me at the same time. It scares me because I feel as if you're falling into a bad crowd. It's to the point where when you and the Comet are in the same room, I feel like I don't know you anymore.
I feel distanced. Like you're someone who would talk shit about me behind my back. Like at Medport, when people couldn't/wouldn't come to dine with us.
The Sun gets upset when he's not invited, why can't you just go and invite him? It's not right to just ASSUME he's coming. I know we're a package deal, but you could at least invite us both seperately. It makes him upset. I mean, Earth, come on. If your boy lived around here, I'd invite you both seperately and make him feel welcome.
The Sun feels like a third wheel. And that's not fair. We tried not to make you feel that way... at least when you hung out with us.
Which brings me to another point: when The Sun, Constellation Zak and I arrived at your house, no one came to greet us. The Sun and I ate food because we thought we'd be chilling at your house. It was damn near two in the morning. And I didn't want to drive, deal with the waitress or eat shitty diner food at two in the morning. Then the Colorful Comet came down and asked us why we were eating because we were going to Medport. Here's the kicker -
only Constellation Zak said goodbye.
I immediately felt sick after you all left, I could hardly even walk to the couch I was in so much pain. The Sun practically carried me there.
You took the "gingers", The Colorful Comet and the Wall to the beach. Were The Sun and I invited? No. Of course not.
(I feel like you resent us. I try not to neglect you- not like you did to me when you hooked up with the Bearded Comet. I don't want you to feel the way I did. Ever. And I still don't ant you to feel that way.)
And then you told me about it. I would have loved to listen to the Druids talk about the stupid legend of the Mabinogi. But I guess I'll just have to look it up.
The Comet smokes and most likely does a multitude of different drugs. I know drugs happen. But seriously. What if you get caught? What then? Not to mention that Dynapep shit, it's nothing but trash. No good. Shit. Placebo effect motherfucking shit. What if something happens to you because of that shit? It's already made you stay up for 41 consecutive hours. WTF? Why would you even do that?! I already worry like fuck about you, Earth. You're like a sister to me. And I've already gone through the pain of having my biological sister want NOTHING TO DO WITH ME most of the time. She and I never even talk. And I don't want that to happen to us. It hurts terribly and I can't take it. I just can't. Because frankly, it's fucking killing me on the inside and all I can manage to do is assure people I'm fine and I'm really not.
I'm NEVER fine. Everything is catching up to me and I'm starting to break. I'm tired of this happening. I just can't do this anymore. No more hiding things. I don't want to hurt my own feelings for the sake of others. I just can't do it anymore. I'm killing myself slowly. I'm sick.
If I'm not going to take care of myself, no one else will.
I just want things to be normal. I want us to be normal friends again, but if this is going to keep happening, I'm going to have to leave. I just can't take anymore pain. I'm in a lot of pain and I've told no one. I keep lying to myself and telling myself, The Sun and the Stars that this arrangement is fine. You're happy. That it's happened before. That I'm happy that you're happy. But I can't do it anymore. I can't lie anymore.
Don't apoloogize, Earth. Prove yourself.
I'm sorry... but if I'm really your bestie... prove it.
Please. Think about it.
Sincerely,
Pluto.