The next letter
Let's deconstruct the email of the other director together!
"Gigi and I decided long before auditions that she would talk to you about these issues. I have been pushing for her to do so since I returned to campus. I definitely did not intend to leave you in the dark for this long. I wish she had not avoided that communication with you; I had been pushing for her to talk to you at least every few days."
As I told her, if she wants to be a leader in anything she needs to learn a lot as this was handled in possibly the worst way possible. The way they tried not to tell me was without tact, decency, respect, and belittled my intelligence. Her response does not belay any of those feelings. She claims they decided long ago that Gigi would talk to me - but doesn't deciding mean their was a decision? The fact that Gigi was not going to talk to me indicates there was none regardless what they believed. She says she didn't intend this; she says she wished this hadn't happened - but what did she do to stop it? She tries to defend herself by saying she repeated asked Gigi to talk to me - but to me, that says she saw the fact that Gigi was not doing it. Plus she has more tact than Gigi - why the hell was considered Gigi's task? When it became obvious Gigi wasn't going to do it, why did she not step up? Oh, yes, too scared to face confrontation. This does not make a great leader.
"I never intended for you to be ignored, or for things to happen in this order. I was hoping desperately that Gigi would talk to you before you found out about details, so as to avoid seeming like we were ignoring you rather than actually considering this decision first."
Now she's repeating. Yes, we know you never intended. Yes, we know you hoped it happened otherwise. But it didn't. And hoping does nothing without action. And how's this? "so as to avoid seeming like we were ignoring you" - What seeming? They pretended the problem would go away and didn't do anything to solve it. And what's this about considering? Earlier in the email she said the decision was made long ago - so what's this consideration that was happening up until I forced them to tell me?
I also made sure she knows that I was already thinking of not participating. Had she discussed this with me, she'd have known. Instead she brought this down upon herself.
"I fail to see how co-directors deciding how an organization should be run is acting behind your back. As I've said, the timing was extremely unfortunate. I wish we had had an earlier conversation in which you were able to state your side."
Okay, let's accept that one or two people going around and discussing with everyone (which is a lie as I've already proven not everyone heard) about one person and saying things that tarnish his name and his accomplishments isn't going behind that person's back. How about the fact that they did not tell me regardless of their "intentions" until 90 minutes before auditions and only because I forced them to. They planned auditions in a way in hope I would not find out. They risked hurting the organization by doing it so secretive. This isn't behind my back? Some people need a new dictionary.
And what is this crap about my stating my side? This is the first I've heard of it. Everything else said it had been decided or was Gigi's "final decision". Telling me this was a mistake on their part. If it's not true, it's a lie and misdirection. If it is true, it means they then choose not to tell me to avoid giving me this appeals option, to avoid caring about my side, until it was too late. Then, when I inevitably get pissed, they can claim this as proof that I'm an asshole and was justly removed from the cast. Yeah, leadership.
"Please keep in mind that I am not the monolithic voice of film society, and (certainly) neither is Gigi. If you want to keep attending as a staff member or otherwise, I will not intentionally make you feel unwelcome. I do appreciate your help last Sunday in cleaning up the mess, especially when there was so much going on and I wasn't able to complete it myself."
Numerous members of VI are or have been staff at FilmSoc. If they can't stand me, why are they going to be happy with me being in a club with them every Friday and Saturday night? Oh - maybe it was non-FilmSoc people in VI who feel this way - but then it wouldn't be the whole cast, now would it? Fine, I can accept that people will view the two situations as slightly different - but to banish from a group (and a group I did so much for and wouldn't still be here if not me) screams of harsh feelings. If I felt that way about someone I wouldn't want to be around that person in any situation.
And now what do I have to face? She knows what she did and how shitty she's treated me regardless of what she pretends she "hoped" happened. They have spread this viciousness around the rest of the cast and thus members of Film Society as well. Even people who did not agree still heard it and those little bugs stay with people. People question. And even if they don't, people want to avoid confrontation. If both directors of VI were too cowardly to face this, why would the average cast member / FilmSoc staff want to deal with it? Can they look at me and not think what happened? Maybe some will feel guilty (rightfully or wrongfully so). Others may fear I will hold it against them because they are part of the farce that this club has become - which I will not. I wish no ill on anyone who stays with the cast.... apart maybe the perpetrators.
What I fear is that this has also destroyed The Confused Greenies. So much of the cast is part of Voyeuristic Intentions. The seed of doubt has been sown in them. Might they fear being around me after this, fearing they'd be brought in? Will they decide to avoid me for the duration of Rocky Horror and then probably be too long gone and never come back? Hell, is this way some people have been seemingly avoiding me for awhile now? If these so-called VI directors have destroyed the other performing group I am so passionate about with their slander and lies and back-stabbing...
"PS. I know that Gigi sometimes has problems presenting herself differently in professional and personal situations, but I'm trying my best to keep the two [me's] separate. In other words, my personal feelings towards you -- positive or negative -- have nothing to do with this decision."
How is this not about personal opinions? I wasn't kicked out because I wasn't a good actor. I wasn't kicked out because I didn't know about Rocky Horror. I was kicked out because someone went "Wah! Wah! I don't want to play with him anymore! Wah!" Someone did not know how to be an adult and deal. I was director over people I could not stand because they joined the show. I dealt. Plenty of people didn't like other people in the show. They dealt. Either Gigi is lying and not many said these things about me or many did did and thus I was ganged up upon. I feel like the victim here but I'm the one being punished for their sake?
I did not disrupt the show. If I did, why did the show go so well last year? How was the fact that numerous people repeatedly asked me what to do and where to go because the directors were ignoring them meant I disrupted the show? How was the fact that I was asked to help to teach parts disruptive? How about when the directors asked me to stand in for parts whose actors were not there because I knew the parts even if I never acted in them? Yet I disrupted the show - no, not the actors who played the second and third most important characters who purposeful and contemptfully skipped many rehearsals and were somehow not kicked out. And not the girl who was out of town and never could have gone to rehearsal and yet at final dress rehearsal was causing other Trannies to be unsure what to do and do wrong things because of her actions - for them not to do what the directors wanted them to (not me). Yet it is I who is disruptive and banished. Oh, wait, they are friends with Gigi.
Part of me suspects that Gigi realized how much she failed last year as a director, especially when people kept coming to me for advice instead of her. This would be a quite vindictive response, huh?
I want to thank you all for the support I've received in this. I feel somewhat bad because you only see my side and not theirs to compare. Of course, my words are biased toward me. But I cant' give you their side - I don't even know it. In short, they plotted behind my back, listed undefined accusations from a hidden list of accusers (and won't even tell how many yet give implications of numbers that are already proven false) and no appeal process for me to even know how to defend. I can honestly say I never saw this coming until a few days ago - except that I always felt Gigi wanted to turn this into her own private little clique of friends. I did not foresee anyone banishing me. I burned my bridges? What bridges? I can't see the smoke. It's been almost a year since I was last in the show and two since I directed. What I still receive is praise for my work and dedication, not contempt. The people who I know dislike me don't shy about telling me if they felt this way.
Some may question my posting these letters in my journal. Well, it's my journal. These people have cowardly tried to stay hidden in the dark too long. I'll have my say here because they refused to let me have my say anywhere else.
If anything, I hope they learn their actions (or more so in-actions) have consequences. They could have handled this better. Much better. They have proven they are terrible leaders and I feel sorry for what my beloved organization has become.
"Gigi and I decided long before auditions that she would talk to you about these issues. I have been pushing for her to do so since I returned to campus. I definitely did not intend to leave you in the dark for this long. I wish she had not avoided that communication with you; I had been pushing for her to talk to you at least every few days."
As I told her, if she wants to be a leader in anything she needs to learn a lot as this was handled in possibly the worst way possible. The way they tried not to tell me was without tact, decency, respect, and belittled my intelligence. Her response does not belay any of those feelings. She claims they decided long ago that Gigi would talk to me - but doesn't deciding mean their was a decision? The fact that Gigi was not going to talk to me indicates there was none regardless what they believed. She says she didn't intend this; she says she wished this hadn't happened - but what did she do to stop it? She tries to defend herself by saying she repeated asked Gigi to talk to me - but to me, that says she saw the fact that Gigi was not doing it. Plus she has more tact than Gigi - why the hell was considered Gigi's task? When it became obvious Gigi wasn't going to do it, why did she not step up? Oh, yes, too scared to face confrontation. This does not make a great leader.
"I never intended for you to be ignored, or for things to happen in this order. I was hoping desperately that Gigi would talk to you before you found out about details, so as to avoid seeming like we were ignoring you rather than actually considering this decision first."
Now she's repeating. Yes, we know you never intended. Yes, we know you hoped it happened otherwise. But it didn't. And hoping does nothing without action. And how's this? "so as to avoid seeming like we were ignoring you" - What seeming? They pretended the problem would go away and didn't do anything to solve it. And what's this about considering? Earlier in the email she said the decision was made long ago - so what's this consideration that was happening up until I forced them to tell me?
I also made sure she knows that I was already thinking of not participating. Had she discussed this with me, she'd have known. Instead she brought this down upon herself.
"I fail to see how co-directors deciding how an organization should be run is acting behind your back. As I've said, the timing was extremely unfortunate. I wish we had had an earlier conversation in which you were able to state your side."
Okay, let's accept that one or two people going around and discussing with everyone (which is a lie as I've already proven not everyone heard) about one person and saying things that tarnish his name and his accomplishments isn't going behind that person's back. How about the fact that they did not tell me regardless of their "intentions" until 90 minutes before auditions and only because I forced them to. They planned auditions in a way in hope I would not find out. They risked hurting the organization by doing it so secretive. This isn't behind my back? Some people need a new dictionary.
And what is this crap about my stating my side? This is the first I've heard of it. Everything else said it had been decided or was Gigi's "final decision". Telling me this was a mistake on their part. If it's not true, it's a lie and misdirection. If it is true, it means they then choose not to tell me to avoid giving me this appeals option, to avoid caring about my side, until it was too late. Then, when I inevitably get pissed, they can claim this as proof that I'm an asshole and was justly removed from the cast. Yeah, leadership.
"Please keep in mind that I am not the monolithic voice of film society, and (certainly) neither is Gigi. If you want to keep attending as a staff member or otherwise, I will not intentionally make you feel unwelcome. I do appreciate your help last Sunday in cleaning up the mess, especially when there was so much going on and I wasn't able to complete it myself."
Numerous members of VI are or have been staff at FilmSoc. If they can't stand me, why are they going to be happy with me being in a club with them every Friday and Saturday night? Oh - maybe it was non-FilmSoc people in VI who feel this way - but then it wouldn't be the whole cast, now would it? Fine, I can accept that people will view the two situations as slightly different - but to banish from a group (and a group I did so much for and wouldn't still be here if not me) screams of harsh feelings. If I felt that way about someone I wouldn't want to be around that person in any situation.
And now what do I have to face? She knows what she did and how shitty she's treated me regardless of what she pretends she "hoped" happened. They have spread this viciousness around the rest of the cast and thus members of Film Society as well. Even people who did not agree still heard it and those little bugs stay with people. People question. And even if they don't, people want to avoid confrontation. If both directors of VI were too cowardly to face this, why would the average cast member / FilmSoc staff want to deal with it? Can they look at me and not think what happened? Maybe some will feel guilty (rightfully or wrongfully so). Others may fear I will hold it against them because they are part of the farce that this club has become - which I will not. I wish no ill on anyone who stays with the cast.... apart maybe the perpetrators.
What I fear is that this has also destroyed The Confused Greenies. So much of the cast is part of Voyeuristic Intentions. The seed of doubt has been sown in them. Might they fear being around me after this, fearing they'd be brought in? Will they decide to avoid me for the duration of Rocky Horror and then probably be too long gone and never come back? Hell, is this way some people have been seemingly avoiding me for awhile now? If these so-called VI directors have destroyed the other performing group I am so passionate about with their slander and lies and back-stabbing...
"PS. I know that Gigi sometimes has problems presenting herself differently in professional and personal situations, but I'm trying my best to keep the two [me's] separate. In other words, my personal feelings towards you -- positive or negative -- have nothing to do with this decision."
How is this not about personal opinions? I wasn't kicked out because I wasn't a good actor. I wasn't kicked out because I didn't know about Rocky Horror. I was kicked out because someone went "Wah! Wah! I don't want to play with him anymore! Wah!" Someone did not know how to be an adult and deal. I was director over people I could not stand because they joined the show. I dealt. Plenty of people didn't like other people in the show. They dealt. Either Gigi is lying and not many said these things about me or many did did and thus I was ganged up upon. I feel like the victim here but I'm the one being punished for their sake?
I did not disrupt the show. If I did, why did the show go so well last year? How was the fact that numerous people repeatedly asked me what to do and where to go because the directors were ignoring them meant I disrupted the show? How was the fact that I was asked to help to teach parts disruptive? How about when the directors asked me to stand in for parts whose actors were not there because I knew the parts even if I never acted in them? Yet I disrupted the show - no, not the actors who played the second and third most important characters who purposeful and contemptfully skipped many rehearsals and were somehow not kicked out. And not the girl who was out of town and never could have gone to rehearsal and yet at final dress rehearsal was causing other Trannies to be unsure what to do and do wrong things because of her actions - for them not to do what the directors wanted them to (not me). Yet it is I who is disruptive and banished. Oh, wait, they are friends with Gigi.
Part of me suspects that Gigi realized how much she failed last year as a director, especially when people kept coming to me for advice instead of her. This would be a quite vindictive response, huh?
I want to thank you all for the support I've received in this. I feel somewhat bad because you only see my side and not theirs to compare. Of course, my words are biased toward me. But I cant' give you their side - I don't even know it. In short, they plotted behind my back, listed undefined accusations from a hidden list of accusers (and won't even tell how many yet give implications of numbers that are already proven false) and no appeal process for me to even know how to defend. I can honestly say I never saw this coming until a few days ago - except that I always felt Gigi wanted to turn this into her own private little clique of friends. I did not foresee anyone banishing me. I burned my bridges? What bridges? I can't see the smoke. It's been almost a year since I was last in the show and two since I directed. What I still receive is praise for my work and dedication, not contempt. The people who I know dislike me don't shy about telling me if they felt this way.
Some may question my posting these letters in my journal. Well, it's my journal. These people have cowardly tried to stay hidden in the dark too long. I'll have my say here because they refused to let me have my say anywhere else.
If anything, I hope they learn their actions (or more so in-actions) have consequences. They could have handled this better. Much better. They have proven they are terrible leaders and I feel sorry for what my beloved organization has become.