Randomly #2
It's a sign of the apocalypse when I catch myself using the same subject line twice, but I suppose if my brain has been on hiatus this much lately, it can't be all that bad.
But burned out does mean burned out, like a candlewick right down to the nub, and there's a lot of reasons for that, most of which I won't recount. Yes, my day job does factor quite a bit into the burnout, but so did keeping up the ridiculous breakneck pace of writing the (currently) nine parts of the Loaded March series for 6-7 months straight. I didn't realize I was burned out until I started writing part 10 in February and ran into a literal brick wall.
I still have the bruises. Let me show you them!
Since then, I've written a HS_Merlin fic that made me happy to write, not just because it was based on a prompt I couldn't refuse, but because it was a different creative outlet, and I needed it, if all the ideas for fics that tumbled out after it is any indication.
There was Dragon!Fic -- there will be Dragon!Fic, but it is turning into a big project and I want to take my time with it. It's not finished by far, but it will be.
There was Druid!Fic -- there will be Druid!Fic, and I may write a few more parts for posting on LJ before needing to put it aside so that I can build it properly.
There was Avengers!Merlin -- there will be Avengers!Merlin, but this is the slowest to write for me right now, because although I have the story in my head, I don't think I'm writing Tony or Steve the way they should be properly written (in other words, I don't think I quite have their voices), and I need to watch all the Marvel-related movies again and again, because, you know, Chris Evans/Steve Rogers. Enough said.
I have other fics that I've written that you haven't seen, other ideas that have been burning holes through my skull like the dripping acid from Alien saliva that I haven't mentioned, like the Spiderman fusion/crossover that I have persuaded someone to write with me (but we both have a full list of things to write so it'll be a while in coming), or the Dark Knight Rises fusion/crossover that I have been wanting to Merlinify ever since I stepped out of the theatre an hour ago.
But more important than that is the BB that I wrote, that I just finished editing yesterday, which needs some HTML-tweaking, a posting date, and, of course, art from an artist who is killing me by keeping it secret except for tantalizing glimpses before it's ready to go live.
I've finally started to feel as if the bruises and scrapes from hitting the brick wall are going away, finally, and I know and feel guilty for making people wait so long for the next part of Loaded March. But what's not helping me get back on track or feel less guilty are the PMs and the comments asking when the next part will be posted. I know nothing is meant by it; I know you want to see the next part; and you are all giving me feels -- the good type, I assure you -- because I'm happy to hear that so many people want to read more in the Loaded March universe.
But. The guilt. It's there, even though some lovely, lovely people have been telling me not to feel guilty, I can't really help it. I'm just going to ask, to please, please be patient with me a little while longer. I hope I'm not making anyone feel badly in any way, shape or form for asking this; it's not my intent.
It's odd, though. I work best under pressure -- but it has to be the right kind of pressure. An angry client wanting something re-done because someone (rarely me) fucked up? I can fix it and deliver in a short turn-around, because while the angry client is the instigating factor, I'm the one setting a deadline and the requirements for the outcome. Yes, the angry client does call and call and call wanting an update every five minutes (which, incidentally, is not conductive to me getting the problem solved), but I have a filter sparing me the majority of the inquiries -- someone else who tells the angry client that I'm working on it.
I don't have a filter here. And I'm definitely not comparing fans of the Loaded March series to an angry client -- quite the contrary. I love you all, and you are my motivation to keep going. I know you're waiting. This will sound harsh, and I apologize, but I don't need to be reminded that you're waiting. I know. And believe me, the guilt factors into this quite a bit.
I have, by the way, been taking time for myself. I've been on vacation for this last week. I've had a lot of me-time -- I went to the gym a lot; I went running a lot; I went to the lake a lot; I cooked a lot; I read a lot of fic; I edited my BB, and I curled up on my couch for random you-know-what-I'll-just-have-a-nap-right-now-and-fuck-the-housework naps.
It's been a really good week.
Tomorrow is Monday and I am back to work in every sense of the word -- I am including Part 10 in this. So, again, I ask, please be patient, we'll return to our regularly scheduled programming shortly.
And, another apology -- I have turned comments off for this post, not because I don't love to hear from you, but because I am behind on answering comments both here and on AO3 and on answering emails. I haven't even answered my mother's emails -- and, people, this is a bad thing, because she knows where I live.
But burned out does mean burned out, like a candlewick right down to the nub, and there's a lot of reasons for that, most of which I won't recount. Yes, my day job does factor quite a bit into the burnout, but so did keeping up the ridiculous breakneck pace of writing the (currently) nine parts of the Loaded March series for 6-7 months straight. I didn't realize I was burned out until I started writing part 10 in February and ran into a literal brick wall.
I still have the bruises. Let me show you them!
Since then, I've written a HS_Merlin fic that made me happy to write, not just because it was based on a prompt I couldn't refuse, but because it was a different creative outlet, and I needed it, if all the ideas for fics that tumbled out after it is any indication.
There was Dragon!Fic -- there will be Dragon!Fic, but it is turning into a big project and I want to take my time with it. It's not finished by far, but it will be.
There was Druid!Fic -- there will be Druid!Fic, and I may write a few more parts for posting on LJ before needing to put it aside so that I can build it properly.
There was Avengers!Merlin -- there will be Avengers!Merlin, but this is the slowest to write for me right now, because although I have the story in my head, I don't think I'm writing Tony or Steve the way they should be properly written (in other words, I don't think I quite have their voices), and I need to watch all the Marvel-related movies again and again, because, you know, Chris Evans/Steve Rogers. Enough said.
I have other fics that I've written that you haven't seen, other ideas that have been burning holes through my skull like the dripping acid from Alien saliva that I haven't mentioned, like the Spiderman fusion/crossover that I have persuaded someone to write with me (but we both have a full list of things to write so it'll be a while in coming), or the Dark Knight Rises fusion/crossover that I have been wanting to Merlinify ever since I stepped out of the theatre an hour ago.
But more important than that is the BB that I wrote, that I just finished editing yesterday, which needs some HTML-tweaking, a posting date, and, of course, art from an artist who is killing me by keeping it secret except for tantalizing glimpses before it's ready to go live.
I've finally started to feel as if the bruises and scrapes from hitting the brick wall are going away, finally, and I know and feel guilty for making people wait so long for the next part of Loaded March. But what's not helping me get back on track or feel less guilty are the PMs and the comments asking when the next part will be posted. I know nothing is meant by it; I know you want to see the next part; and you are all giving me feels -- the good type, I assure you -- because I'm happy to hear that so many people want to read more in the Loaded March universe.
But. The guilt. It's there, even though some lovely, lovely people have been telling me not to feel guilty, I can't really help it. I'm just going to ask, to please, please be patient with me a little while longer. I hope I'm not making anyone feel badly in any way, shape or form for asking this; it's not my intent.
It's odd, though. I work best under pressure -- but it has to be the right kind of pressure. An angry client wanting something re-done because someone (rarely me) fucked up? I can fix it and deliver in a short turn-around, because while the angry client is the instigating factor, I'm the one setting a deadline and the requirements for the outcome. Yes, the angry client does call and call and call wanting an update every five minutes (which, incidentally, is not conductive to me getting the problem solved), but I have a filter sparing me the majority of the inquiries -- someone else who tells the angry client that I'm working on it.
I don't have a filter here. And I'm definitely not comparing fans of the Loaded March series to an angry client -- quite the contrary. I love you all, and you are my motivation to keep going. I know you're waiting. This will sound harsh, and I apologize, but I don't need to be reminded that you're waiting. I know. And believe me, the guilt factors into this quite a bit.
I have, by the way, been taking time for myself. I've been on vacation for this last week. I've had a lot of me-time -- I went to the gym a lot; I went running a lot; I went to the lake a lot; I cooked a lot; I read a lot of fic; I edited my BB, and I curled up on my couch for random you-know-what-I'll-just-have-a-nap-right-now-and-fuck-the-housework naps.
It's been a really good week.
Tomorrow is Monday and I am back to work in every sense of the word -- I am including Part 10 in this. So, again, I ask, please be patient, we'll return to our regularly scheduled programming shortly.
And, another apology -- I have turned comments off for this post, not because I don't love to hear from you, but because I am behind on answering comments both here and on AO3 and on answering emails. I haven't even answered my mother's emails -- and, people, this is a bad thing, because she knows where I live.