(no subject)

[lo0n]

I'm back in Jacksonville for the time being. My grandmother stopped breathing last week and we almost lost her. She's back on the respirator to breathe for her. She's bleeding internally somewhere in her intestine but they can't find where and they've stopped looking since they've done all the tests they can safely do. Her morale is really low, she's giving up. She's tired of living like this and tired of being in pain all the time. We're going on 5 months now since the colonoscopy that caused this. She was asking us to let her die on Thursday, which was really hard to deal with. She's starting to slowly improve now, her breathing is getting better and they're starting to back off the respirator. They may start weening her off tomorrow. The bleeding has slowed but it's still there.

I'm sorry that I've been so out of touch with everyone. I haven't been answering my phone, I just can't deal with it right now. I'm having problems with depression. That's been going on for a while but I've usually had a grip on it, I think I'm starting to lose my grip. I don't know. I just can't handle the emotional yo yo. She's dieing, she's getting better, she's dieing, she's getting better. My car getting totaled didn't help much either.

So I'm sorry I've been off the map. I'm still thinking about you guys, I promise. I just can't deal with much right now.
--Lo0n