New Year Thoughts
So right now I don't really feel like doing one of those year in review things that people always seem to be doing right about now. But I do want to write about a conversation with Tenchi I had a little while ago at his place.
The basics of it were he asked me what my goals were for the new year. He has his, he's getting his life together. And I mentioned I hadn't really thought about it, and really had no idea what I'd do anyway. Which is completely true. I haven't really thought about it. I've been living life one day at a time the last few months, and it's been working out ok enough. Sometimes I live it week to week when work comes up. But mostly I've just been sort of cruising through my life lately. The toungue ring was the only thing lately that I've done that wasn't just me cruising through and letting the tide take me along so to speak. I'm not so much living as just... being. And I hadn't really thought about aiming for anything else in the year to come. I just don't really see a point.
I've never really been one to set goals, and I've never been one for new years resolutions anyway. Some of the things that I do want, are things that I can't have anyway because of the nature of them involving other people. Some of them can not happen because of my own past choices. Those are things that I have to live with, and things that because of, I don't really see a reason to attempt anything else.
I let Kim trim my brows again and put makeup on me tonight. I do this from time to time. I don't mind and she loves to do someone up since she doesn't have a little daughter. Since I happened to be wearing all black more gothy clothes, she apparently decided that she would do my eyes with black too. Everyone's reaction was that it looked like a whole new person, but in a good way. I have mixed feelings about this. 1) amused... because it seems all we would have to do to disguise me is to put me in makeup and send me out :P 2) slightly flattered because who doesn't like being told they look nice? 3) mostly, kinda offended. Look, I like the way I look without makeup. I have blemishes and nothing about me is anywhere near perfect, but I actually like that about myself. I don't like makeup and never really have. It's pretty much just a waste of time to me. A nuisance. And a way to cover up things about yourself you don't want the world to see. All of that is not me. I have flaws, and I'm not generally afraid to let the world see them. The only benifit to makeup that I see, is to make my eyes stand out. That's it. And even then, it's way too much of a hassle to bother. Plus, telling me that I look so great and amazing with makeup on, kinda insinuates that I look god awful without it and should never go outside the house without it.
But anyway, the point of all that there, was that Tenchi basically suggested one of my goals for the coming year should be to take care of myself more. I'm pretty sure I know what he means. Get into better shape, start giving a damn about my appearance, and just other general things about myself and stuff like that. While I understand his point, it's still kinda offensive and does hurt a little bit coming from him. But I did give it some thought on the way home tonight. So here are some of my thoughts and maybe goals or something to at least look into for the new year.
1) Some kind of exercise that I keep up with. I generally suck at this. I'll start, do well for a while, then get extremely bored with it and fall off the wagon so to speak. I have never found exercise that interesting or fun and the only reason I was in decent shape when I was a kid was from playing with all the neighborhood kids. The only other time I was in really good shape in my life was when I didn't have a car and biked almost everywhere through necessity. That was when I was living on my own and taking the bus and biking to school and work. So I need to find something that will keep my interest and I'll enjoy. Running is out of the question. Jogging pretty much too. Never really enjoyed it, and it hurts my boobs. >.< Walking I do enjoy but it gets waaaay too boring for me. Listening to music helps to an extent, but still, really boring after a while. I've thought of maybe two possible ways to get past this. the first, is to maybe listen to books on tape as I walk. This will keep my mind going, and will provide a stopping point, (like 2 chapters or whatever in). The second is to being a camera with me while I walk and take pictures then too. Maybe make another journal here that is just my walking photography. Like a walking journal or something. I dunno. Might make it interesting enough for me to continue for a while.
2) Start playing music again. By this I mean my flute. Been thinking about it for a little while now, and I pulled my flute out about a month ago. It felt good to play it again but it was obvious that I was rusty. I'd like to get back into that again. Plus, I now have a new challenge to it, playing it around my tounge ring. Phew, that's gonna be rough. But maybe I can take the tounge ring out to play? I don't know how the tounge ring will affect embouchure and air flow. Should definitly be a challenge. And one that will definitly have to wait until my tounge has healed. Ouch.
3) Take a dance class. I have wanted to do this particular thing for years. When I was in high school my best friend Lynz often took abunch of different kinds of dance classes. Specifically I remember her taking Irish and bellydancing classes. From time to time she would teach me some of the steps while I slept over at her place. I did enjoy it even though I wasn't the greatest at it. I think I attended a class with her once too. Mostly made a fool of myself though. The main problem with this one here is the money involved. From what I remember it cost her about $50 a class and classes were weekly. The other thing is what kind of classes to take. I have always, always, always wanted to learn how to ballroom dance, so that rates high on my list, but I've also wanted to learn to bellydance too, and to pole dance. Now that last one sounds extremely slutty and sterotyped I know, but I want to learn not just for the sexy bit, it's suspposed to be a really good workout, and would also help teach me control on movements.
4) Learn to shoot a gun. No real reason for this one than that someone brought it up to me and I realized my reasons for not at least learning how, were really empty. So why not learn?
5) Get my damn degree from HCC. I believe I've bitched about this one enough so I'll leave that at that.
6) Find a gyn again and get some answers. The answers to what are private and I don't feel like sharing yet. No, not a new STD or anything like that, just some general answers.
7) Finish a story, and then keep working on it til it's presentable. Then, find someone to present it to, even if it's just friends. This is also another one of those things I've "wanted to do for a long time but just never followed through on". I want to find a story, maybe a new one that pops into my head, or maybe and old one I began, liked, but never finished. I wish I could find that one notebook with the vamp story ideas in it because that I would definitly try to make little stories out of. Build the characters up out of. Maybe I can try to rewrite out some of the thoughts from that one. Would be a place to start ya know? Maybe just thinking about it hard enough to rewrite some of the ideas would help trigger the rest to come out.
So that is enough for now I guess. certainly more than I expected to do. Heh. I should go poke Tenchi now for him making me think about this.
The basics of it were he asked me what my goals were for the new year. He has his, he's getting his life together. And I mentioned I hadn't really thought about it, and really had no idea what I'd do anyway. Which is completely true. I haven't really thought about it. I've been living life one day at a time the last few months, and it's been working out ok enough. Sometimes I live it week to week when work comes up. But mostly I've just been sort of cruising through my life lately. The toungue ring was the only thing lately that I've done that wasn't just me cruising through and letting the tide take me along so to speak. I'm not so much living as just... being. And I hadn't really thought about aiming for anything else in the year to come. I just don't really see a point.
I've never really been one to set goals, and I've never been one for new years resolutions anyway. Some of the things that I do want, are things that I can't have anyway because of the nature of them involving other people. Some of them can not happen because of my own past choices. Those are things that I have to live with, and things that because of, I don't really see a reason to attempt anything else.
I let Kim trim my brows again and put makeup on me tonight. I do this from time to time. I don't mind and she loves to do someone up since she doesn't have a little daughter. Since I happened to be wearing all black more gothy clothes, she apparently decided that she would do my eyes with black too. Everyone's reaction was that it looked like a whole new person, but in a good way. I have mixed feelings about this. 1) amused... because it seems all we would have to do to disguise me is to put me in makeup and send me out :P 2) slightly flattered because who doesn't like being told they look nice? 3) mostly, kinda offended. Look, I like the way I look without makeup. I have blemishes and nothing about me is anywhere near perfect, but I actually like that about myself. I don't like makeup and never really have. It's pretty much just a waste of time to me. A nuisance. And a way to cover up things about yourself you don't want the world to see. All of that is not me. I have flaws, and I'm not generally afraid to let the world see them. The only benifit to makeup that I see, is to make my eyes stand out. That's it. And even then, it's way too much of a hassle to bother. Plus, telling me that I look so great and amazing with makeup on, kinda insinuates that I look god awful without it and should never go outside the house without it.
But anyway, the point of all that there, was that Tenchi basically suggested one of my goals for the coming year should be to take care of myself more. I'm pretty sure I know what he means. Get into better shape, start giving a damn about my appearance, and just other general things about myself and stuff like that. While I understand his point, it's still kinda offensive and does hurt a little bit coming from him. But I did give it some thought on the way home tonight. So here are some of my thoughts and maybe goals or something to at least look into for the new year.
1) Some kind of exercise that I keep up with. I generally suck at this. I'll start, do well for a while, then get extremely bored with it and fall off the wagon so to speak. I have never found exercise that interesting or fun and the only reason I was in decent shape when I was a kid was from playing with all the neighborhood kids. The only other time I was in really good shape in my life was when I didn't have a car and biked almost everywhere through necessity. That was when I was living on my own and taking the bus and biking to school and work. So I need to find something that will keep my interest and I'll enjoy. Running is out of the question. Jogging pretty much too. Never really enjoyed it, and it hurts my boobs. >.< Walking I do enjoy but it gets waaaay too boring for me. Listening to music helps to an extent, but still, really boring after a while. I've thought of maybe two possible ways to get past this. the first, is to maybe listen to books on tape as I walk. This will keep my mind going, and will provide a stopping point, (like 2 chapters or whatever in). The second is to being a camera with me while I walk and take pictures then too. Maybe make another journal here that is just my walking photography. Like a walking journal or something. I dunno. Might make it interesting enough for me to continue for a while.
2) Start playing music again. By this I mean my flute. Been thinking about it for a little while now, and I pulled my flute out about a month ago. It felt good to play it again but it was obvious that I was rusty. I'd like to get back into that again. Plus, I now have a new challenge to it, playing it around my tounge ring. Phew, that's gonna be rough. But maybe I can take the tounge ring out to play? I don't know how the tounge ring will affect embouchure and air flow. Should definitly be a challenge. And one that will definitly have to wait until my tounge has healed. Ouch.
3) Take a dance class. I have wanted to do this particular thing for years. When I was in high school my best friend Lynz often took abunch of different kinds of dance classes. Specifically I remember her taking Irish and bellydancing classes. From time to time she would teach me some of the steps while I slept over at her place. I did enjoy it even though I wasn't the greatest at it. I think I attended a class with her once too. Mostly made a fool of myself though. The main problem with this one here is the money involved. From what I remember it cost her about $50 a class and classes were weekly. The other thing is what kind of classes to take. I have always, always, always wanted to learn how to ballroom dance, so that rates high on my list, but I've also wanted to learn to bellydance too, and to pole dance. Now that last one sounds extremely slutty and sterotyped I know, but I want to learn not just for the sexy bit, it's suspposed to be a really good workout, and would also help teach me control on movements.
4) Learn to shoot a gun. No real reason for this one than that someone brought it up to me and I realized my reasons for not at least learning how, were really empty. So why not learn?
5) Get my damn degree from HCC. I believe I've bitched about this one enough so I'll leave that at that.
6) Find a gyn again and get some answers. The answers to what are private and I don't feel like sharing yet. No, not a new STD or anything like that, just some general answers.
7) Finish a story, and then keep working on it til it's presentable. Then, find someone to present it to, even if it's just friends. This is also another one of those things I've "wanted to do for a long time but just never followed through on". I want to find a story, maybe a new one that pops into my head, or maybe and old one I began, liked, but never finished. I wish I could find that one notebook with the vamp story ideas in it because that I would definitly try to make little stories out of. Build the characters up out of. Maybe I can try to rewrite out some of the thoughts from that one. Would be a place to start ya know? Maybe just thinking about it hard enough to rewrite some of the ideas would help trigger the rest to come out.
So that is enough for now I guess. certainly more than I expected to do. Heh. I should go poke Tenchi now for him making me think about this.