Purpose
When I woke up this morning, I had a thought. And this thought has been niggling at the back of my brain til it has become almost all consuming at the moment. I woke up and asked myself "Why bother waking up? What is the point?" problem is, I couldn't think of one. I couldn't, and haven't, been able to think of one real reason that I should keep waking up day to day. I have no purpose to my life, and I can't help but wonder if there even is one to my life, or to anyone's. If there isn't though, then maybe that is why people search so desperately to find one for themselves. If they do and find it I guess that is a good thing. But what about the people who don't? What do they do? Is that maybe what leads people to suicide sometimes? The inability to find something that would make their lives feel worthwhile? Maybe that is why so many people cling despertly to religion. Especially when their lives are at rock bottom. It tells them what their purpose is, (to live a life that will grant you access to heaven), and even gives them steps to reach a goal that would enable them to achieve that purpose, (do good deeds, 10 commandments, etc). To me however, it just seems like a simple way to delude yourself.
College seems another way. People look at it and say "my purpose in life is to go to college, graduate, and then get a good job". But really? Is that so much of a purpose? I mean I did it, still sort of do it, and it does keep me busy and I enjoy it to an extent, but in reality, so I feel like it's my purpose? No, not really. It's just something to delude me into thinking that I am doing something if importance.
And then I've though, well maybe that is why I want to be a mother so very, very badly. That gives me an automatic purpose right? To raise this child and do whatever I can to make it happy. But it's happiness would not hinge on me right? At first because I would provide it's basic needs such as food and warmth and so on and so on. But in the end, it's happiness will not depend on me at all. It may even depend on them finding a purpose. So what would my purpose be at that point? Would my life be nothing again? Would I end up getting cats and dogs like some people do to replace that child in their lives to create a purpose for myself?
I wonder if that is why video games are so popular? They create purposes, temporary ones perhaps, but still, they create them. Like beat this score, or beat this trial, this stage of the game, this enemy or boss. And now you can expand that over the net and then you're purpose becomes to be the best against other people, not just computers. It raises the bar in a way so to speak.
I don't know. I'm probally just rambling as is. I just feel lost, and like I'm wasting my life, and have no real goal or purpose in life. The ironic part, is that I do have goals set. Heh.
College seems another way. People look at it and say "my purpose in life is to go to college, graduate, and then get a good job". But really? Is that so much of a purpose? I mean I did it, still sort of do it, and it does keep me busy and I enjoy it to an extent, but in reality, so I feel like it's my purpose? No, not really. It's just something to delude me into thinking that I am doing something if importance.
And then I've though, well maybe that is why I want to be a mother so very, very badly. That gives me an automatic purpose right? To raise this child and do whatever I can to make it happy. But it's happiness would not hinge on me right? At first because I would provide it's basic needs such as food and warmth and so on and so on. But in the end, it's happiness will not depend on me at all. It may even depend on them finding a purpose. So what would my purpose be at that point? Would my life be nothing again? Would I end up getting cats and dogs like some people do to replace that child in their lives to create a purpose for myself?
I wonder if that is why video games are so popular? They create purposes, temporary ones perhaps, but still, they create them. Like beat this score, or beat this trial, this stage of the game, this enemy or boss. And now you can expand that over the net and then you're purpose becomes to be the best against other people, not just computers. It raises the bar in a way so to speak.
I don't know. I'm probally just rambling as is. I just feel lost, and like I'm wasting my life, and have no real goal or purpose in life. The ironic part, is that I do have goals set. Heh.