Just a little bit stronger,just a little bit wiser, just a little less needy and maybe ill get there
ahhh i hate myself sometimes haha
I only update this thing when i am stalling from doing something that has to be done or if i really have something to talk about. This time its a little bit of both. One part of it i refuse to write because i suck and yeah whatever.
I really really need to clean my room. I have a complex about that. I never really clean it, its almost as if ill forget everything i did to get it that messy, all the times people were over and i just shoved everything in my closet so it didnt look too bad.. all the times i was so frustrated cause i couldnt find this one thing so i ripped my room apart and it was right in front of my face the whole time.. everything i stick in this one drawer under my bed really needs to be thrown out. Old notes, old journals, i never open the thing. I can't and i know its so ridiculous. I dont know why i dont just pull the drawer out and dump its contents into a garbae bag and throw it out haha.
I've been so scatter brained lately and i dont know if thats necessarily a bad thing. I don't know what i want, well i do, but its not gonna happen. I hate setting myself up for disappointments. But i think that goes the same for everyone. Some days are just so good and others just suck. How is it that i can feel so busy one day but then the next day have absolutely nothing to do. That's why i agreed to go to fire island on tuesday with kerrin. I really need it. I really do. I want to go away for a while. I dont want to come home every night and wake up here every morning. Not that it is always that bad i just think its getting old. But then again i know if i moved out, which is being contemplated, id end up wanting to come back after a few weeks. I don't know.
I hate the fact that i can never tell anyone how i feel. Especially in certain departments haha. I want to lay on the grass tonight, but i dont want to lay there alone. Too bad kerrin is already in fire island cause we need a laying on the grass night with everyone. Desperately lol.
I had a lot to say but ive said nothign haha. It all left my mind. I need to clean my room, i cant look at this anymore. Maybe ill feel better once i do that. Hopefully.
Oh yeah, i kinda want to go back to school. I mean dont get me wrong i love waking up whenever i want and going to bed really late but i need a little more structure. At least i wont be so bored everyday. Like what fun is the weekend if it turns into everyday. I want a job too. No more mooching off of my parents and not being able to do things because i cant afford it. No more retarded allowance im fucking 16 years old i should be working. Next week im putting in applications everywhere. and i mean everywhere haha.
ok now im going to clean, im serious.
I only update this thing when i am stalling from doing something that has to be done or if i really have something to talk about. This time its a little bit of both. One part of it i refuse to write because i suck and yeah whatever.
I really really need to clean my room. I have a complex about that. I never really clean it, its almost as if ill forget everything i did to get it that messy, all the times people were over and i just shoved everything in my closet so it didnt look too bad.. all the times i was so frustrated cause i couldnt find this one thing so i ripped my room apart and it was right in front of my face the whole time.. everything i stick in this one drawer under my bed really needs to be thrown out. Old notes, old journals, i never open the thing. I can't and i know its so ridiculous. I dont know why i dont just pull the drawer out and dump its contents into a garbae bag and throw it out haha.
I've been so scatter brained lately and i dont know if thats necessarily a bad thing. I don't know what i want, well i do, but its not gonna happen. I hate setting myself up for disappointments. But i think that goes the same for everyone. Some days are just so good and others just suck. How is it that i can feel so busy one day but then the next day have absolutely nothing to do. That's why i agreed to go to fire island on tuesday with kerrin. I really need it. I really do. I want to go away for a while. I dont want to come home every night and wake up here every morning. Not that it is always that bad i just think its getting old. But then again i know if i moved out, which is being contemplated, id end up wanting to come back after a few weeks. I don't know.
I hate the fact that i can never tell anyone how i feel. Especially in certain departments haha. I want to lay on the grass tonight, but i dont want to lay there alone. Too bad kerrin is already in fire island cause we need a laying on the grass night with everyone. Desperately lol.
I had a lot to say but ive said nothign haha. It all left my mind. I need to clean my room, i cant look at this anymore. Maybe ill feel better once i do that. Hopefully.
Oh yeah, i kinda want to go back to school. I mean dont get me wrong i love waking up whenever i want and going to bed really late but i need a little more structure. At least i wont be so bored everyday. Like what fun is the weekend if it turns into everyday. I want a job too. No more mooching off of my parents and not being able to do things because i cant afford it. No more retarded allowance im fucking 16 years old i should be working. Next week im putting in applications everywhere. and i mean everywhere haha.
ok now im going to clean, im serious.