All this time you were pretending...
Ok I am back after a bit of tanning and msn.
So my day will kinda boring thus far. Got up around 10 had a shower, went downtown to grab a few things. Then I went for lunch and ran into Scott which was really akward after the whole picture thing on msn when he was drunk. Long story short, he asked me if I would sleep with him, then he tried to send me some pictures of him naked, then I told him I was seeing someone then he logged off lol. I didn't tell Scott I was seeing Andrew though, just someone which is funny cos those two know eachother. It does kinda amuse me though, cos Spencer, the last serious ex knows Andrew and Scott too. Weird. Anyways ya. So ya that was weird, came home and tanned a bit.
I came online for a bit, went on msn and sorted out the camping details with Lindsay and Alex. I'm gonna go over to Newcastle bit early and grab us a site, then are gonna canoe over later in the day. Then we will continue to drink and have fun. It will be a good time.
I've been thinking a lot lately about BF, I have moments were I realize that I am totally falling for him and other moments where I am like wtf is his problem.
We had a huge fight on Friday night. We were hanging out the park with Cher and Brett on our way to 711 to get some snacks when everything just kinda feel apart. He was so drunk, and well drunk. He grabbed at me in a threating manner and provoke an instant response of my hand flying across his face. I felt really bad right after it happened but he wouldn't even talk to me. Apparently everything was my fault. I have never been grabbed like that before, it was like I was a slab of meat or something. The grab/poke or whatever you want to call it, was degradeing and threating. As far as I was concerned we were even. Apparently not. We continued on through out the night, after he has his little tantram and takes out a fence with his hand, whatever, not surprising. Next day we are all peachy, and he leaves for home. I end up getting an email to my phone and I read it at work being like wtf:
"Hey, umm.. I thought id email this to you because i dont know when ill talk to you next but this email is pritty important to me i hope you read it. Last Night brought alot of bad things back when you hit me across the face; it was almost like a flash back to my past relationships & it fucked me up for the whole time we were out and still now. I swore to my self i wouldnt stick around in another relastionship if i was to ever get hit,i am not that strong emotionally to go down that road again. This is just uhh,its my only warning or heads up how ever you want to look at it. Just i really hope you dont do it again, i really really want to be with you but i will be gone next time it happens.
""THE BF""
The fumes were just pouring from my head. I was at work, and was just thinking, I am done with you. It's over. I didn't respond, came home from work, went out to dinner and then went online. We talked it over, I had to remind him in the first place why he got smacked. I guess that didn't weigh in for him. He made me feel really guilty about the whole thing, when really I don't believe I should. Espically when he knows how jumpy I can be and why I am like that.
I was just really pissed off that after he got what he wanted that night, he decided to bring it up the next day. Which really affirmed my idea, that I am really "his" woman. I will not be dominated in a relationship by a man, it's 50/50. He is deffinately going to have to deal with me, I am not like his past girlfriends that are push overs. Nor do I need a man to support me at all, ever. I think he feels threatened by me, I am well educated, intelligent, obviously good looking (that goes without saying hahah), and so on. He on the other hand is hugely indebt, and uneducated. Not to say that it can't work, it will just to take a lot more work. It's so different, sometimes I really think about what I had with Spencer and how I in a sense destroyed it. We were on the same page, me and the new BF ain't even in the same book. This is going to take a lot of work to make it work, I am willing try but we both seriously make some changes.
Why can't life ever be easy?
So my day will kinda boring thus far. Got up around 10 had a shower, went downtown to grab a few things. Then I went for lunch and ran into Scott which was really akward after the whole picture thing on msn when he was drunk. Long story short, he asked me if I would sleep with him, then he tried to send me some pictures of him naked, then I told him I was seeing someone then he logged off lol. I didn't tell Scott I was seeing Andrew though, just someone which is funny cos those two know eachother. It does kinda amuse me though, cos Spencer, the last serious ex knows Andrew and Scott too. Weird. Anyways ya. So ya that was weird, came home and tanned a bit.
I came online for a bit, went on msn and sorted out the camping details with Lindsay and Alex. I'm gonna go over to Newcastle bit early and grab us a site, then are gonna canoe over later in the day. Then we will continue to drink and have fun. It will be a good time.
I've been thinking a lot lately about BF, I have moments were I realize that I am totally falling for him and other moments where I am like wtf is his problem.
We had a huge fight on Friday night. We were hanging out the park with Cher and Brett on our way to 711 to get some snacks when everything just kinda feel apart. He was so drunk, and well drunk. He grabbed at me in a threating manner and provoke an instant response of my hand flying across his face. I felt really bad right after it happened but he wouldn't even talk to me. Apparently everything was my fault. I have never been grabbed like that before, it was like I was a slab of meat or something. The grab/poke or whatever you want to call it, was degradeing and threating. As far as I was concerned we were even. Apparently not. We continued on through out the night, after he has his little tantram and takes out a fence with his hand, whatever, not surprising. Next day we are all peachy, and he leaves for home. I end up getting an email to my phone and I read it at work being like wtf:
"Hey, umm.. I thought id email this to you because i dont know when ill talk to you next but this email is pritty important to me i hope you read it. Last Night brought alot of bad things back when you hit me across the face; it was almost like a flash back to my past relationships & it fucked me up for the whole time we were out and still now. I swore to my self i wouldnt stick around in another relastionship if i was to ever get hit,i am not that strong emotionally to go down that road again. This is just uhh,its my only warning or heads up how ever you want to look at it. Just i really hope you dont do it again, i really really want to be with you but i will be gone next time it happens.
""THE BF""
The fumes were just pouring from my head. I was at work, and was just thinking, I am done with you. It's over. I didn't respond, came home from work, went out to dinner and then went online. We talked it over, I had to remind him in the first place why he got smacked. I guess that didn't weigh in for him. He made me feel really guilty about the whole thing, when really I don't believe I should. Espically when he knows how jumpy I can be and why I am like that.
I was just really pissed off that after he got what he wanted that night, he decided to bring it up the next day. Which really affirmed my idea, that I am really "his" woman. I will not be dominated in a relationship by a man, it's 50/50. He is deffinately going to have to deal with me, I am not like his past girlfriends that are push overs. Nor do I need a man to support me at all, ever. I think he feels threatened by me, I am well educated, intelligent, obviously good looking (that goes without saying hahah), and so on. He on the other hand is hugely indebt, and uneducated. Not to say that it can't work, it will just to take a lot more work. It's so different, sometimes I really think about what I had with Spencer and how I in a sense destroyed it. We were on the same page, me and the new BF ain't even in the same book. This is going to take a lot of work to make it work, I am willing try but we both seriously make some changes.
Why can't life ever be easy?