(no subject)
isn't it strange how you can care for a person so much, and when i mean care i mean completely and utterly throw aside all self dignity and pride to just comfort a person after they have just stomped on and humilated you? the type of caring that has you only thinking of that person's well being despite how much they might have hurt you, and yet they can just spit it all back in your face without even batting an eye? the idea that someone can pretty much do everything but literally spit at you and you think the world of them. i have been cursed with the power of always seeing the positive side of people and life. yes, i call this a curse, because it doesn't allow for judgement. for some reason when it comes to boys i can usually sniff them out right away, but something this time was different. i thought, just as all girls do, that i could be the one that he changed for. now i know that no one can and will ever change for anyone, and probably never will truely change for themselves. hell normally i can tell what type of a person someone is within the first five minutes of the introduction. i guess i just let my gaurd down this time. which is unusual based upon my past.. i'm struggling with myself to decipher between what i really want and what is really going to happen/what is the best thing for me. realism. i once used to block that entire part of my personality out, but now as i grow older i am saddened to say that this becomes more and more of a key element to survival. that sentence alone makes me want to cry. its pretty sad that when you want something so bad you dream and dream until it almost becomes a reality to you, and then life wakes you up with big old slap in the face.