It's been forever...
No, I haven't plummeted off the face of the planet, altho I believe there are a few out there that just WISH I would. But like the proverbial bad penny, here I am.
Things have been really really weird lately, so I am just going to summarize. Ya know what.. no. Lets just not even go there. Because it is done. It's already over. Lets just move along.
My health has been all over the place again. Been in and out of the hospital, got some STRANGE test results back, and will be going to see my doctor about them Friday. I'll let ya know what those turn up.
The kids are doing great. A 13 year old girl who is 5'9" with a an awesome mohawk, and a 10 year old who is 5'5". WTF?!?!?! I grow giants, I guess. but they are both doing quite well. In fact, Creepy especially is THRIVING with this whole virtual schooling!! I absolutely ADORE this!! Pooh is debating whether she wants to go to real high school next year. Part of me wants her to go, but the bigger part of me hopes she decides to sta in virtual school!! But the choice is 100% hers to make. But I can hope!!
As for the Big man and I... Things got a little hairy for a bit. In hindsight I think I have figured it out. See, There has been one relationship that I have based all relationships off of. there could be none so perfect as that of my sisters. High school sweethearts marry and have kids, white picket fence.. the whole 9 yards. And then all of the sudden... seemingly out of the blue it was gone. WTF??!!! It completely floored me. And then I watched (and am still watching) all of my friends relationships fall apart at the seams. And not just the "we've been dating for a while and I am tired of this" relationships, I mean the "married for several years and things seemed to be going good" type of relationships.
So the dilemma comes in, where the hell do I get off being happy??! Shame on me! Look around at your friends, your family everyone you care bout! Their lives are in utter chaos! How DARE you be happy!! And forget being secure in anything! What on earth gives you the right for such things!!
I know it sounds completely insane. It does for me to look back on it and see it for this. But It also, for those that know me best, makes perfect sense. I am trying to push past these feelings and enjoy my own life while trying to help my friends and family deconstruct their own. It's difficult. But I will figure it out.
Aside from that, I am very much hoping to start school in January. I will be going for my LPN. This will, of course be a stepping stone to an RN, but it's the all important first step. Part of me is excited as hell, while the rest is scared to death!! Do you know how long its been since I have been in SCHOOL!!! LOL But dammit, this is MY time!! It has been far too long since I have done something for me! And this WON'T just be for me! once I get a job nursing and bringing in the real money, things can change. We'll be able to do things we have been putting off becasue there is no money to do them. We'll be able to get things going on this house to own it. We'll be able to fix this place up to where it SHOULD be. We're working on that now, but the money isn't there, so the process it excruciatingly SLOW... and we all know how patient I am! I just keep looking at the numbers, wondering HOW the hell I am going to pull this off. but dammit, I will FIND a way! I AM going to do this, and I WILL succeed!!
Things have been really really weird lately, so I am just going to summarize. Ya know what.. no. Lets just not even go there. Because it is done. It's already over. Lets just move along.
My health has been all over the place again. Been in and out of the hospital, got some STRANGE test results back, and will be going to see my doctor about them Friday. I'll let ya know what those turn up.
The kids are doing great. A 13 year old girl who is 5'9" with a an awesome mohawk, and a 10 year old who is 5'5". WTF?!?!?! I grow giants, I guess. but they are both doing quite well. In fact, Creepy especially is THRIVING with this whole virtual schooling!! I absolutely ADORE this!! Pooh is debating whether she wants to go to real high school next year. Part of me wants her to go, but the bigger part of me hopes she decides to sta in virtual school!! But the choice is 100% hers to make. But I can hope!!
As for the Big man and I... Things got a little hairy for a bit. In hindsight I think I have figured it out. See, There has been one relationship that I have based all relationships off of. there could be none so perfect as that of my sisters. High school sweethearts marry and have kids, white picket fence.. the whole 9 yards. And then all of the sudden... seemingly out of the blue it was gone. WTF??!!! It completely floored me. And then I watched (and am still watching) all of my friends relationships fall apart at the seams. And not just the "we've been dating for a while and I am tired of this" relationships, I mean the "married for several years and things seemed to be going good" type of relationships.
So the dilemma comes in, where the hell do I get off being happy??! Shame on me! Look around at your friends, your family everyone you care bout! Their lives are in utter chaos! How DARE you be happy!! And forget being secure in anything! What on earth gives you the right for such things!!
I know it sounds completely insane. It does for me to look back on it and see it for this. But It also, for those that know me best, makes perfect sense. I am trying to push past these feelings and enjoy my own life while trying to help my friends and family deconstruct their own. It's difficult. But I will figure it out.
Aside from that, I am very much hoping to start school in January. I will be going for my LPN. This will, of course be a stepping stone to an RN, but it's the all important first step. Part of me is excited as hell, while the rest is scared to death!! Do you know how long its been since I have been in SCHOOL!!! LOL But dammit, this is MY time!! It has been far too long since I have done something for me! And this WON'T just be for me! once I get a job nursing and bringing in the real money, things can change. We'll be able to do things we have been putting off becasue there is no money to do them. We'll be able to get things going on this house to own it. We'll be able to fix this place up to where it SHOULD be. We're working on that now, but the money isn't there, so the process it excruciatingly SLOW... and we all know how patient I am! I just keep looking at the numbers, wondering HOW the hell I am going to pull this off. but dammit, I will FIND a way! I AM going to do this, and I WILL succeed!!