(no subject)
and i feel like we're spinning in circles and this ridiculousness will never stop. its a stupid pattern of happiness and sadness and it's gotta end.
maybe christie's right, maybe i do need a shrink. i used to feel so self reliant - like i could take care of all of my own problems, and everybody else's. and at a time, i could. i used to know exactly what made me happy, and that was so easy to obtain.
but of course, now i still know, but its hard. i cant just be happy, because i cant have what i want. im not even exactly sure what i want. i can tel lyou one thing though, theres this boy and all he causes are problems in my life and i should want him gone. but i want him to be there, i really do.
i kill me. i cant make up my mind. just a few days ago i was the happiest i had been in a really long time. big, true smiles for hours. but now i sit here and question things.
oh life.
maybe christie's right, maybe i do need a shrink. i used to feel so self reliant - like i could take care of all of my own problems, and everybody else's. and at a time, i could. i used to know exactly what made me happy, and that was so easy to obtain.
but of course, now i still know, but its hard. i cant just be happy, because i cant have what i want. im not even exactly sure what i want. i can tel lyou one thing though, theres this boy and all he causes are problems in my life and i should want him gone. but i want him to be there, i really do.
i kill me. i cant make up my mind. just a few days ago i was the happiest i had been in a really long time. big, true smiles for hours. but now i sit here and question things.
oh life.