(no subject)
well well well.
i dont know what to say to you livejournal viewers any more. its not like i can be honest without potentially upsetting someone. and i think its pretty fucked that it has come down to that. so im going to just say how i feel.
heres my confession:
i miss the way things used to be - well only select parts of the past. many of my friendships have changed or died and i dont like that at all. i just miss them. i miss the people they were with. and that sucks. i miss talking to chris dufault every night, and him tolerating the fact that my fone calls ran up his bill completely. i miss bry's notes. i still have them, but its not the same as getting new ones. its pointless to rant though, because things change, and they'll probably never go back to the way they were before. and in some aspects, thats okay.
because i love the way things are now - most of them (besides what i miss anyway). i love my friends,the ones i had before and continue to have now, the new ones i have made. and as much i hope the lost ones would come back to me, i hope these will never leave. i love them. and i love being with ken as well. but i know that will have to end in less than four months and i dont know what will happen after that, which brings me to...
the future scares me - i hate the thought of next year coming, i really do. i dont know where i'll be or who i'll even be by then. i've changed so much, and im not sure whether i like that or not. i hate that im not as happy as i used to be and i demand to change that. i just dont know how. and i know school is going to have to be a big deal for me and i hate the thought of not being able to slack, but dont we all. it'll be the first school year in two years that i havent had a serious boyfriend, as of now any way. walking to class alone will be a change, alright. change sucks.
i dont know what to say to you livejournal viewers any more. its not like i can be honest without potentially upsetting someone. and i think its pretty fucked that it has come down to that. so im going to just say how i feel.
heres my confession:
i miss the way things used to be - well only select parts of the past. many of my friendships have changed or died and i dont like that at all. i just miss them. i miss the people they were with. and that sucks. i miss talking to chris dufault every night, and him tolerating the fact that my fone calls ran up his bill completely. i miss bry's notes. i still have them, but its not the same as getting new ones. its pointless to rant though, because things change, and they'll probably never go back to the way they were before. and in some aspects, thats okay.
because i love the way things are now - most of them (besides what i miss anyway). i love my friends,the ones i had before and continue to have now, the new ones i have made. and as much i hope the lost ones would come back to me, i hope these will never leave. i love them. and i love being with ken as well. but i know that will have to end in less than four months and i dont know what will happen after that, which brings me to...
the future scares me - i hate the thought of next year coming, i really do. i dont know where i'll be or who i'll even be by then. i've changed so much, and im not sure whether i like that or not. i hate that im not as happy as i used to be and i demand to change that. i just dont know how. and i know school is going to have to be a big deal for me and i hate the thought of not being able to slack, but dont we all. it'll be the first school year in two years that i havent had a serious boyfriend, as of now any way. walking to class alone will be a change, alright. change sucks.