Questions
It's felt like forever since I last posted to this journal. That's ok though, no one ever said that having a journal requires the need to incorporate writing into day to day tasks or necessities. If anything I know my journal is no longer visited and no longer thought of giving me the opportunity to feel like me again. When you lose the realistic nature of your writing its very difficult to return it to the way it once was. As individuals we change so much and undeniably so have I. At the moment I'm in between jobs and really enjoying the time I have. I've needed time to rediscover myself for quite a while and now I'm finally finding my peace of mind. Too many hours I have wasted pensively awaiting the answer to my long time question: Why am I followed by sorrow. For years I felt it was my responsibility to teach the world to love again. Maybe my thinking was a bit skewed, which would explain why the question always seemed to boggle my mind. Maybe I'm meant to teach others by example that life has its hard lessons, but enduring the pain and learning how to deal in a positive way will make the difference in the future. As of late, I've been standing strong with a beautiful soul who currently battles a divorce and alcoholism. I've been trying to help her see that her heart holds so much compassion and so much life, but her mind tells her that she is not worth her weight in gold. How do you show someone that a past spouses actions are not the fault of her own, but of his? How do you teach her that drowning out the sorrow of childhood mistreatment with alcohol isn't going to make those demons quit haunting her? I always feel so clueless in my quests, but I know I'm there to learn something as well as give my strength to someone who's just barely holding on. It also doesn't make things easy when she decides that no one can help her and that talking about the problems only make them worse. I've tried to explain that the sun always comes out after the rain, but having once been in a near situation to that, I also understand that having faith that the light is just on the other side can seem a feat to impossible to reach by any ordinary means. All I know is that as long as she keeps holding on to the things that bring her joy she will find her inner peace and she will be virtuous in her struggle.